Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
When your child can’t stop redoing things until they feel perfect, it’s not defiance—it’s dysregulation.
This guide explains what Just Right OCD is, how to recognize it, and the calm-first steps that help your child feel safe and in control again.
What Is Just Right OCD?
Ever notice your child getting “stuck” on something small—like needing their shoes tied just right or redoing homework again and again? That’s not stubbornness or control—it’s their anxious brain chasing a sense of balance that never quite comes.
Just Right OCD can feel like an invisible itch in the brain. No matter what they do, something still feels off, and that constant tension fuels more repetition, frustration, and tears.
Children with Just Right OCD may:
- Repeat tasks until they “feel right”
- Adjust objects or words to match an internal sense of balance
- Get upset if things look, sound, or feel uneven
- Avoid tasks that trigger discomfort, leading to meltdowns
These behaviors aren’t about being difficult—they’re the brain’s attempt to quiet anxiety and restore a sense of safety (Coles & Ravid, 2016).
What you’re seeing isn’t defiance—it’s dysregulation. The brain is sending a false alarm that something’s wrong, even when it isn’t.
What Causes Just Right OCD in Kids?
OCD isn’t caused by bad parenting or personality—it’s rooted in the brain’s overactive fear response. When a child’s nervous system gets stuck in fight, flight, or freeze, their brain floods them with false alarms that something’s wrong—even when it isn’t (Geller et al., 2017).
Common triggers include:
- Genetics and family history of anxiety or OCD
- Inflammation or immune activation (as seen in PANS/PANDAS)
- Stress, trauma, or chronic nervous system dysregulation
- Neurochemical imbalances or overactive brain circuits
In Regulation First Parenting™, we don’t start with control—we start with calm. Once the brain is regulated, kids can finally use coping tools effectively.
How Does Just Right OCD Show Up in Everyday Life?
Parents often describe feeling exhausted trying to “keep up” with their child’s rituals. It might look like:
- Repeating a sentence until it “feels right”
- Fixing an object repeatedly to make it symmetrical
- Needing to complete routines in a “perfect” order
- Emotional outbursts when something changes unexpectedly
Parent Story:
Sarah, a mom of a 10-year-old, noticed her daughter rewriting homework until her eraser tore the page. She wasn’t trying to impress anyone—she just couldn’t stop until it “felt right.”
Once Sarah learned to calm her daughter’s nervous system first (using slow breathing and sensory breaks), the nightly meltdowns eased.
Takeaway:
When you calm the brain, everything else follows.
How Is Just Right OCD Different from Typical Perfectionism?
Perfectionism can motivate growth—but in Just Right OCD, it becomes a trap.
|
Healthy Perfectionism |
Just Right OCD |
|
Motivated by wanting to do well |
Driven by fear or anxiety |
|
Can move on after mistakes |
Feels stuck until it “feels right” |
|
Leads to satisfaction after effort |
Leads to distress, guilt, or frustration |
|
Balanced by self-compassion |
Fueled by inner pressure and rituals |
How Can Parents Help a Child with Just Right OCD?
Start with compassion.
This isn’t about control or willpower—it’s about a brain stuck in overdrive, sending false danger signals that make your child feel unsafe. When their world feels shaky, calm must come before correction.
Regulate First
Before anything else, help your child’s nervous system find its footing. A calm brain can listen; a stressed one can’t.
What to try:
- Deep breathing or slow exhale breathing
- Weighted blankets or gentle compression
- Movement or sensory activities that soothe
- CALMS Dysregulation Protocol™ (Calm, Acknowledge, Label, Model, Support)
- Avoid pushing logic during distress—safety always comes first
Connect
Connection builds safety.
- Show empathy: “I can see this feels really uncomfortable for you.”
- Stay grounded and calm—your steady presence helps their brain settle.
- Remember, co-regulation is the bridge to self-regulation.
Correct
Once your child is calm and connected, that’s when learning can happen.
Teach replacement skills slowly and gently:
- Gradual exposure to “good enough” work or small imperfections
- CBT or ERP with a clinician experienced in child OCD
- Daily regulation habits—breathing, yoga, or mindfulness
What Treatments Work Best for Just Right OCD?
Effective treatment blends brain-based regulation with proven therapies. Real healing unfolds when the brain learns new, steadier patterns—because lasting change begins with regulation, not control.
Best Approaches for Just Right OCD
- Neurofeedback – retrains overactive brainwave patterns linked to OCD, gently guiding the brain out of constant overdrive
- CBT and ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) – help children build tolerance for imperfection and uncertainty, one small, safe step at a time
- Nervous System Regulation Tools – support the body and brain in finding calm together:
- CALM PEMF™
- Deep breathing
- Sensory input and movement
- BrainBehaviorReset™ Program – integrates neurofeedback, nutrition, and therapeutic support for whole-child healing and lasting change
Medication can quiet symptoms, but real progress comes when we calm the nervous system.
How Can Schools Support a Child with Just Right OCD?
Communication and collaboration are key. Teachers often mistake OCD behaviors for stubbornness or distraction.
Support Strategies:
- Provide flexible deadlines or test settings
- Avoid forcing “quick fixes” or exposure before the child feels safe
- Encourage gradual tolerance of small imperfections
- Partner with the school counselor for regulation breaks
Case Story:
When Ethan’s teacher let him redo a math problem once and then practice deep breathing, his distress dropped. Over time, he stopped erasing the same problem ten times.
Takeaway:
A calm classroom builds confidence faster than correction ever could.
When Should Parents Seek Professional Help
Reach out if your child’s routines are interfering with daily life or causing distress.
Signs include:
- Frequent meltdowns or anxiety over “feeling right”
- Avoidance of tasks due to fear of imperfection
- Family stress or conflict over rituals
Early support leads to faster recovery—and less suffering for everyone involved.
Can a Child Outgrow Just Right OCD?
With the right interventions, many children learn to manage—and even overcome—OCD symptoms.
Progress often looks like:
- Shorter or fewer rituals
- More flexibility in routines
- Calmer reactions to imperfection
- Growing confidence and independence
It’s not about “curing” OCD—it’s about teaching the brain to feel safe again. When the brain feels calm and secure, healing naturally follows.
Parent Action Steps
FAQs
Can stress make Just Right OCD worse?
Yes. Stress and nervous system dysregulation often intensify compulsions. Build daily calm routines and create a sense of safety to ease symptoms.
Is Just Right OCD part of autism or ADHD?
It can co-occur. All three involve brain-based dysregulation, so regulation-first approaches support progress across conditions.
Is perfectionism OCD the same as Just Right OCD?
Not quite. Perfectionism OCD centers on fear of mistakes or judgment, while Just Right OCD aims to fix an internal feeling that something’s “off.” Both can cause distress and perfectionist behaviors.
What’s the difference between OCD and anxiety?
OCD brings intrusive thoughts and rituals that reduce discomfort. Anxiety causes worry or tension without repetitive behaviors.
Should I stop my child from doing rituals?
Not right away. Those rituals help them cope with distress. Focus on calming first, then partner with a trained therapist to reduce them safely.
Citations
Coles, M. E., & Ravid, A. (2016). Clinical presentation of not-just right experiences (NJREs) in individuals with OCD: Characteristics and response to treatment. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 87, 182–187. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2016.09.013
Geller, D. A., McGuire, J. F., Orr, S. P., Pine, D. S., Britton, J. C., Small, B. J., Murphy, T. K., Wilhelm, S., & Storch, E. A. (2017). Fear conditioning and extinction in pediatric obsessive-compulsive disorder. Annals of clinical psychiatry : official journal of the American Academy of Clinical Psychiatrists, 29(1), 17–26.
Dr. Roseann is a mental health expert who is frequently in the media:
- Insider: What is OCD?
- What to Expect: Why Does My Toddler Keep Pulling Her Own Hair?
- Parade: Why Does My Toddler Keep Pulling Her Own Hair?
- Single Care Controlling the uncontrollable: Living with OCD during a pandemic
- MomsCove How to Help a Child with Anxiety and OCD
- Holistic Counseling Podcast: Effective Treatments for OCD
- Epidemic Answers: Neurofeedback for ADHD, anxiety, OCD and mood
- Cai Grahm: Is it anxiety or OCD?
- BCIA: Calming the OCD Brain with Neurofeedback and ERP Therapy
- Integrative Practitioner: Integrative Approaches to Treating OCD
- HappiHuman: Is it an Eating Disorder or OCD
Always remember… “Calm Brain, Happy Family™”
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regime. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment vary by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC does not guarantee certain results.
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