How to Help Someone with Emotional Dysregulation: 7 Strategies for Parenting Dysregulated Children

Emotional dysregulation—when your sweet kiddo suddenly transforms into a tornado of tears, frustration, or anger over what seems like nothing. Sound familiar? If you've ever found yourself trying to calm a child who's lost in a whirlwind of big emotions, you know it can feel like you're walking on eggshells.

As a psychologist with 30 years of experience, I always make it a point to educate parents that many behavioral and mental health challenges stem from one fundamental issue: the dysregulation of the nervous system. When a child’s nervous system is out of sync, their emotions and behaviors can spiral out of control, leaving both the child and the parent feeling overwhelmed. Understanding this connection is key to helping your child regain their emotional balance—and restoring some harmony in your home.

Symptoms of Emotional Dysregulation

• Intense Emotional Reactions: Extreme, strong emotions or overwhelming feelings in response to minor events.
• Significant Mood Swings: Rapid and intense changes in mood. This can include big emotional reactivity and temper tantrums and angry outbursts.
• Difficulty Calming Down: Trouble returning to a stable emotional state after becoming upset.
• Impulsivity: Acting without considering the consequences due to heightened emotions.
• Trouble Maintaining Friendships and Relationships: Struggles with maintaining healthy relationships due to emotional instability.
• Feelings of Overwhelm: Feeling overwhelmed or out of control by emotions. Often experience intense emotions.
• Chronic Emotional Stress: Persistent feelings of stress or anxiety related to emotional responses.
• Self-Harm or Risky Behaviors: Engaging in self-destructive actions as a way to cope with intense emotions. This can involve suicidal thoughts.
• Emotional Numbing: This is a psychological state where an individual experiences a reduced or flattened emotional response. This often involves feeling detached, indifferent, or disconnected from one's emotions. It can be a coping mechanism to manage overwhelming stress or trauma,

7 Parenting Strategies for Emotional Regulation

Parenting children who struggle with emotional dysregulation can feel like navigating a constant maze of unexpected challenges. Whether it's managing school projects, household chores, or everyday interactions, these moments can quickly escalate into meltdowns and tantrums. Understanding that many of these behavioral and mental health issues stem from the dysregulation of the nervous system is crucial. With the right strategies, you can help your child regain control and foster a more harmonious home environment.

1. Plan for Routine Changes

Routine is the backbone of stability for children with emotional dysregulation. However, life is rarely predictable, with school assignments, extracurricular activities, and household responsibilities disrupting the usual schedule.

Strategies:

• Advance Notice: Inform your child about upcoming changes well in advance. For example, if a school project deadline is approaching or if there's a family chore rotation, discuss these changes ahead of time.
• Visual Schedules: Use visual aids like calendars or charts to outline daily and weekly activities. This helps children anticipate what’s coming next and reduces anxiety related to unexpected changes.
• Flexibility Within Structure: While maintaining a routine is ideal, allow some flexibility. If a household chore needs to be adjusted due to a last-minute school event, communicate this clearly to your child to minimize stress.

2. Managing Sleep Time

Consistent sleep routines are essential for emotional regulation. Disruptions caused by late-night study sessions, extracurricular activities, or household tasks can lead to increased irritability and difficulty managing emotions.

Strategies:

• Consistent Bedtimes: Try to keep bedtime consistent, even on weekends. If a school project requires extra time, plan for an earlier start the next day to compensate.
• Quiet Time Before Bed: Incorporate calming activities such as reading, drawing, or listening to soft music to help your child wind down.
• Limit Screen Time: Reduce exposure to screens at least an hour before bedtime to improve sleep quality and emotional stability.

3. Set Social Expectations

Social interactions, whether at school or within the household, can be overwhelming for children with emotional dysregulation. Managing these interactions effectively can prevent unnecessary stress and conflicts.

Strategies:

• Role-Playing: Practice social scenarios with your child, such as interacting with a teacher or participating in group activities. This builds confidence and prepares them for real-life interactions.
• Clear Communication: Explain to family members and teachers about your child’s needs. For instance, you might say, “Alex gets anxious in large group settings, so he might need a quiet space during family gatherings.”
• Teach Coping Skills: Encourage your child to use specific strategies, like taking deep breaths or counting to ten, when they feel overwhelmed during social interactions.

4. Address Sensory Input

Sensory overload from noisy classrooms, bright lights, or busy household environments can trigger emotional dysregulation. Managing sensory input effectively can help your child maintain emotional balance.

Strategies:

• Create a Calm Space: Designate a quiet area at home where your child can retreat when feeling overwhelmed. Equip it with sensory-friendly items like weighted blankets, noise-canceling headphones, or fidget tools.
• Sensory Breaks: Incorporate regular breaks during school projects or household tasks to allow your child to decompress. Short walks, stretching, or simple breathing exercises can make a significant difference.
• Modify the Environment: Adjust the home environment to minimize sensory triggers. For example, use soft lighting and reduce clutter to create a more soothing atmosphere.

A study by Obrien (O'Brien et al, 1976) focuses on a 7-year-old girl who has trouble communicating and was initially thought to have psychological issues, but it turned out that sensory and physiological factors were affecting her understanding and language skills. A special program using sensory-focused methods and visual aids helped her significantly improve her language abilities, comprehension, and behavior in the classroom. Similarly, sensory input can significantly improve emotional dysregulation in children. 

5. Deal With Overexcitement

Excitement about school events, new hobbies, or household projects can sometimes lead to heightened emotions and difficulty in self-regulation.

Strategies:

• Set Realistic Expectations: Help your child set achievable goals for their projects or activities. Breaking tasks into smaller, manageable steps can reduce feelings of being overwhelmed.
• Reward Systems: Implement a reward system that focuses on effort and progress rather than just outcomes. This can help your child stay motivated without becoming overly fixated on results.
• Mindfulness Practices: Teach your child mindfulness techniques to help them stay grounded. Simple practices like focusing on their breathing or engaging in a short meditation can help manage overexcitement.

6. Focus on Nutrition

Nutrition plays a vital role in regulating emotions and behavior. Balanced meals with consistent protein intake can support your child’s brain and body development, aiding in emotional stability.

Strategies:

• Healthy Snacks: Provide nutritious snacks that include proteins and complex carbohydrates, such as nuts, yogurt, or whole-grain crackers, to help maintain steady energy levels.
• Balanced Meals: Ensure that meals are well-balanced with a variety of nutrients. Limit sugary foods and beverages that can lead to energy spikes and crashes.
• Involve Your Child: Encourage your child to participate in meal planning and preparation. This fosters a sense of responsibility and ensures that they are consuming foods they enjoy and find satisfying.

7. Overcome Dysregulated Behaviors

Despite your best efforts, children with emotional dysregulation may still exhibit grumpy or challenging behaviors. Using positive parenting techniques can help shift their emotional awareness and focus toward more positive experiences.

Strategies:

• Positive Reinforcement: Acknowledge and praise your child’s positive behaviors. For example, commend them when they complete a household chore without frustration.
• Reframe Negative Situations: Help your child find a positive aspect in challenging situations. If a school project doesn’t go as planned, discuss what they learned from the experience.
• Calm Responses: When your child is upset, respond calmly and offer comfort without escalating the situation. Sometimes, giving them space to cool down in a designated area can be more effective than immediate intervention.

When experiencing emotional dysregulation, individuals often struggle with managing their emotional responses, leading to heightened negative emotions and difficulty with emotion regulation. This can be particularly challenging for those with post traumatic stress disorder, who may find their emotional responses more intense and frequent.

Holistic Approaches to Managing Emotional Dysregulation

Mindfulness and Meditation

Practices like mindfulness meditation can help individuals become more aware of their emotions and reactions, allowing for better emotional regulation. Breathework is a great technique to calm overwhelming negative emotions. Practicing mindfulness makes one aware of our own emotions so we can learn to regulate. Self-regulation and healthy coping strategies is the key in managing mental disorders not only in children, but is also something that is a good tool to have in a person's life.

Neurofeedback

Neurofeedback is a non-invasive therapy that trains the brain to function more efficiently, which can be particularly beneficial for individuals dealing with mental health disorders. This technique helps to address severe emotional dysregulation by teaching the brain to regulate its activity patterns.

By monitoring brainwave activity and providing real-time feedback, neurofeedback encourages the brain to take emotional stimuli and achieve more balanced and stable states. This process assists in managing emotional dysregulation by enhancing the brain's ability to control emotional responses and reduce symptoms associated with anxiety, depression, and other mood disorders. If coupled with behavioral therapy, Neurofeedback can change negative thought patterns and improve personality disorders. As a result, neurofeedback can be an effective tool in promoting overall emotional stability and mental well-being.

Nutrition and Diet

A balanced diet rich in omega-3 fatty acids, magnesium, and other nutrients supports brain health and can improve emotional stability.

Physical Activity

Regular exercise reduces stress and anxiety, boosts mood, and enhances overall mental and physical health.

Yoga and Breathwork

These practices combine physical postures, breathing exercises, and meditation to calm the nervous system and improve emotional balance.

Herbs and Supplements

Natural supplements like St. John’s Wort, valerian root, and ashwagandha may help manage stress and anxiety, although they should be used under mental health professionals.

Magnesium is a mineral that plays a crucial role in regulating emotional dysregulation. It supports brain function and helps modulate neurotransmitters, which are essential for mood stabilization. Adequate levels of magnesium can contribute to reduced symptoms of anxiety, depression and symptoms of other mental health conditions. 

Magnesium helps to regulate the nervous system, which can be beneficial for individuals experiencing intense or unstable emotions. Ensuring sufficient magnesium intake through diet or supplements may aid in managing emotional dysregulation and improving overall mental health.

Acupuncture

This traditional Chinese medicine technique helps balance the body’s energy flow, potentially reducing emotional disturbances.

Sleep Hygiene

Prioritizing good sleep habits is crucial for emotional regulation, as poor sleep can exacerbate mood swings and emotional instability.

Therapy and Counseling

Holistic therapy approaches, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), focus on identifying and changing thought patterns that contribute to emotional dysregulation.

Study shows how emotional dysregulation contributes to depression, using longitudinal studies to identify which emotional difficulties predict depressive symptoms, onset, and recurrence. It reviews how addressing these emotional issues in treatment and therapy can be effective. (Bailen et al., 2023)

Biofeedback

This technique teaches individuals to control physiological processes, such as heart rate, to manage stress and emotions more effectively.

Managing emotional dysregulation in children requires patience, understanding, and strategic planning. By addressing routine changes, sleep, social interactions, sensory input, excitement, nutrition, and grumpy behaviors with thoughtful strategies, you can support your child in navigating their emotions more effectively. Remember, every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Stay adaptable, seek professional guidance when needed, and celebrate the small victories along the way. Your efforts can lead to a more balanced and peaceful home for both you and your child.