Imagine your little angel transforming into a mini hurricane of screams, tears, and flying toys—should you be worried? Temper tantrums are a part of child development and raising kids. But parents often struggle to manage them. As they approach the age of five and six, a kid throwing angry outbursts may trigger concern. This could differ depending on the child’s age, but temper tantrums in toddlers can be a huge concern because they usually resort to screaming, crying, and physical outbursts. It’s common to see a toddler throwing things or resorting to a stomping tantrum.
While mom and dads become concerned, they are a part of normal development for most kids – and it defintely doesn't mean you are a bad parent. There is no reason to jump to medication because good behavior can be learned.
Toddler temper tantrums, however, can be a sign of a problem that needs to be addressed when they occur with high intensity, length, and frequency and occur outside the developmental window as they grow in age. Older children should be able to self regulate and practice coping skills.
When Do Tantrums stop? Understanding and Prevention
One study found a link between young kid's expressive language skills and the severity of their temper tantrums. Toddlers with fewer spoken words exhibited more frequent and dysregulated behaviour, suggesting a connection between language development and emotional regulation (Manning et al., 2019).
Temper tantrums are often an expression of being frustrated and angry at the lack of control they have over their lives. These are usually triggered by hunger, exhaustion, discomfort, sensory needs, or wanting something they can't have. It can be a sign of a stressed child, too.
For example, a child may have frequent tantrums when they don't get what they want, such as a snack, a toy, or that red shirt at the store. They don't understand that you may be in a rush and can’t stop to buy those things. As annoyed as you are about a screaming child in a public place, this is a typical temper tantrum.
As much as this is a part of a child's development, tantrums happen and may be an underlying clinical issues such as autism, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, anxiety, OCD, and other issues are part of the problem.
Whatever the trigger, your child's healthcare provider will agree that frequent emotional meltdowns can be a sign of low self-regulation skills that cause them to experience angry outbursts, or anxiety.
Resolving problems with impulsivity, problem-solving, delaying gratification, negotiating, and communicating with adults can help with temper trantrums. Knowing what a child's behavior is appropriate or expected in a given situation can help you understand what to expect and what is considered typical behavior.
Some have frequent temper tantrums, and others infrequently. It is common for a child to have as many as one or two a week.
Preventing Toddler Temper Tantrums
Being proactive is important in preventing childhood temper tantrums. Offering a child a choice is very helpful in empowering them to solve problems independently and promote self-regulation.
Once anxiety increases, problem-solving decreases. Teaching them that they have options and will help them today and in the future.
Following a schedule and letting your young child know the schedule and the expectations provides them with the structure they crave. Bring balance into your young child's daily routine through good nutrition, following a sleep schedule, and practicing stress management daily (e.g., regular downtime, sensory activities, music, coloring, exercise, meditation, deep breathing, etc.) can go a long way in giving them the tools they need to manage stress in their daily life.
When all else fails and temper tantrums occur, the best parenting tip is to stay calm when handling a meltdown. Communicate and support your child throughout the process. They may learn to navigate strong emotions and errant behaviors with proper support and parental expectations.
Aggression vs Tantrums
In some cases, severe tantrums can lead to aggression. Aggression is often a reflection of a child's difficulty dealing with their anxiety or frustration and an inability to verbalize their emotions as others do. However, aggression in and of itself is a part of child development.
A defiant child who engages in verbal aggression is a part of toddler development. Physical aggression can be expected up to about six. Most kids outgrow these behaviors when guided to communicate better.
What child hasn't hit their sibling or pushed a kid at the playground? These kinds of behaviors are a reflection of their inability to regulate or manage their emotions at that moment. Like all less desirable behaviors, aggression is only an issue when it occurs frequently. A pattern of aggression reflects poor emotional and behavioral regulation.
This same pattern of aggression can also reflect a more significant mental health or behavioral issue. Addressing these behaviors early and getting parenting support can turn behaviors around.
Self Regulation and Tantrums
Self-regulation refers to the ability to manage one's emotions, behavior, and thoughts allows for goal-oriented actions. It involves regulating impulses, delaying gratification, and responding to situations appropriately and constructively. Self-regulation is an essential skill that helps them navigate social interactions, cope with with strong emotion, and focus on tasks. Self-sregulation is a skill that can only learned once the brain is calm.
Developing self-regulation can happen through consistent routines, clear expectations, and positive reinforcement. Setting and communicating clear rules and consequences help them understand boundaries. Praising and rewarding good behavior encourages children to repeat those behaviors, which can stop tantrums.
Since developing self-regulation is a gradual process that requires practice and patience, providing opportunities for toddlers to practice self-control in safe and supportive environments is crucial. By fostering self-regulation skills, parents and caregivers can help effectively manage their emotions, behavior, and thoughts, leading to improved social interactions and overall well-being. By providing a good example and teaching children how to control emotions, you can further encourage good behavior and self-control.
How long do toddler tantrums last?
A typical tantrum often lasts a few minutes or less. Even a highly regulated child may have a tantrum here or there. Some have it for less than a minute a few times a week, and others have fewer tantrums, for 5 to 10 minutes a couple of times a month. Frequent toddler temper tantrums lasting more than 25 to 30 minutes are atypical and associated with later behavioral issues.
A study by Deichmann and Ahnert (2021) involving 158 children from two-parent families investigated how children cope with strong emotions and how parents support them. Findings showed that children with high attachment security experienced frustration for shorter durations, and fathers tended to alleviate frustration more effectively than mothers.
Self-comforting behaviors reduced frustration by around 20%, while distraction and pretend-playing decreased it by 50% to 70%.
Distraction and child toys for managing toddler tantrums
Distraction and toys can be effective strategies for managing toddler outbursts.
Here's how they can help:
- Redirection: Shifting the child's attention to a different activity or object can interrupt the tantrum cycle. This works because toddlers often have short attention spans and can be easily captivated by something new.
- Engaging Activities: Introducing a fun or engaging activity can help the child forget what triggered the tantrum. Activities like singing, dancing, or playing a game can be effective.
- Sensory Distraction: Providing a different sensory experience, such as a change in scenery or engaging with a sensory toy, can help soothe the child.
Offering a favorite toy can provide comfort and security, helping the child calm down. Toys that require interaction, such as building blocks or puzzles, can engage the child's mind and hands, redirecting their focus from the tantrum. Dolls or action figures can be used to role-play scenarios, helping the child express emotions and understand their emotions better. Soft toys, stress balls, or other calming objects can provide a sense of comfort and help the child relax.
How to Stop a Temper Tantrum or Behavioral Episode
Identifying and proactively managing the severe tantrum triggers are the first steps to avoid them. Supporting good behavior is the best way to stop outbursts from ever happening. Knowing your child recognizes that they have specific behavioral and sensory triggers, you try to set up the environment or task in advance.
Identify the Cause of the Temper Tantrum
Identifying the real reason behind your child's behavior is critical in teaching them to communicate differently and self-regulate. Let your child know the behavior you expect in advance, and offer choices whenever possible.
I often recommend the use of social stories, which is a way to teach appropriate behaviors through the use of visual novels. So, for a child with transition difficulties, you would make a story that displays the problem, relevant solutions, and ways to communicate. Review it daily until the tantrum has subsided. The app Pictello is a beautiful tool for creating personalized social stories.
Find Ways to Comfort Your Child
You need a bag of tricks when you can't console your child. Think about what works for your child: a hug, removing them from the situation, a weighted blanket, turning on music, giving them a homeopathic, or whatever is your child's unique way to decompress and self-regulate.
If your child is prone to outbursts and meltdowns, mediate right away so as not to make the situation worse. Also, ensure that your child’s caregivers handle these situations well.
Process and Reinforce Alternatives
Not every kid is capable of communicating their distress. You can help process their child’s emotions after the tantrum by discussing what happened and reinforcing alternatives. Instead of shaming and blaming, try positive parenting by focusing on communication skills and behavioral tools.
Normal kids learning how to manage emotions and behaviors need support. Learn and Adapt
Addressing child behavior problems and toddler tantrums early is critical in helping them to self-regulate, which can have an immediate and lifelong positive impact on behavioral, social, and emotional regulation.
Good parenting isn't about how to stop your toddler's temper tantrums through child discipline methods like physical punishment. It's getting the parenting help that allows you to give your child positive attention and help them learn better skills and positive behavior.
Teaching them ways to cope and self-manage their stress early in life prevents later maladaptive habits that can be tough to break and interfere with cognitive, behavioral, emotional, and social functioning. Addressing issues also preserves or repairs self-esteem and reduces family stress. As a result, your child behaves so much better.
How Can Seeking Professional Support Help My Child's Tantrums?
At a minimum, children who haven't outgrown temper tantrums have lagging skills in emotional regulation that warrant support. When strategies that worked for most children or advice from parenting books have yet to help, you must seek professional help.
A psychologist offers parenting advice that helps identify behavioral triggers and how to manage them. Addressing behaviors early is critical in assisting your child to self-regulate, which can have an immediate and lifelong positive impact on behavioral, social, and emotional regulation.
Teaching them ways to cope and self-manage their stress early in life prevents later maladaptive habits that can be tough to break and interfere with cognitive, behavioral, emotional, and social functioning. Addressing issues also preserves or repairs self-esteem and reduces family stress.
The good news is that tantrums can be outgrown. When it is challenging to manage, intense, or lengthy, seeking help may be necessary. In our BrainBehaviorReset™ Program, we work with families worldwide using a combination of neurofeedback and/or PEMF with counseling or parent coaching.
Coaching and counseling can be a valuable shortcut to give you the best parental attention and guidance to support your child's behavioral, social, and emotional needs. Addressing issues early without medication is critical to preventing habits that can interfere with your child's emotional well-being.
Young children with neurological issues may need even more patience and support or a medical doctor if need. Getting the help of a mental health exerpt and your attending doctor can help you find the root cause of the issue.
What is Parent-Child Interaction Therapy?
Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) is a structured therapy to improve relationships and address behavioral issues and conduct disorders in children aged 2 to 7, particularly kids with a temper tantrum. It involves teaching parents specific skills to enhance positive interactions with their children and manage challenging behaviors effectively through coaching, role-playing, and feedback.
Does the food that my child eats affect his tantrums?
Yes, the food your child eats can affect his tantrums. Foods high in sugar, artificial additives, or caffeine may contribute to mood swings and irritability. Also, make sure that your child gets enough rest to calm down.
What are learned behaviors in children?
Learned behaviors are actions or responses a child learns through experience rather than innate instinct. They are influenced by interactions with the environment, past experiences, and the consequences of those actions.
How do you distract your child from having a tantrum?
To distract your child from a tantrum, engage them in a different activity or have them take deep breaths. Try to offer them a child toy or their favorite blue shirt to focus on. Providing verbal reassurance or comfort may help redirect their attention. Staying calm is the key.
How can I avoid situations where my child can get a tantrum?
You can avoid tantrum-inducing situations by setting clear expectations, maintaining routines, and anticipating triggers such as hunger or fatigue. Remember that a tired hungry child is prone to tantrums. Provide choices within limits and offer distractions to your child hurts help prevent tantrums from escalating.
What is the best way to handle tantrums?
The best way to handle a child's anger is to stay calm, validate your child's feelings, and provide comfort while setting firm boundaries and redirecting their attention to a calming activity or distraction. It's vital to model patience and understanding and to avoid giving in to unreasonable demands during tantrum episodes.
Why is my child having more temper tantrums at home than at school?
School can increase anxiety, strong feelings, stress, and sensory issues in children. These factors can trigger tantrums. After holding it together all day at school, home becomes the safe place to vent strong emotions. Even good with good self-regulation skill, one can get very overwhelmed by being at daycare or school.
What Can I Do When My Child's Temper Tantrum is Uncontrollable?
When a child is experiencing a tantrum or meltdown, they are unreachable and incapable of reasoning. Start by reducing whatever is causing the overload. That way, your child calms down faster. Plan ahead and focus on calming strategies. Talking too much or yelling isn't going to help.
When Should I Worry When My Child's Tantrum Isn't Normal?
You should worry about your child's temper tantrum if they aren't expected, occur frequently with high intensity, and are lengthy (more than 25 minutes). Being self-injurious should also be a cause for concern.
Tantrums frequently lasting long indicate a deeper issue and reflect a lack of self-regulation. Suppose your child is just frustrated or tired and can’t stay calm after a tantrum- that’s another red flag of a potential behavioral issue or lack of self-regulation.
Citations
Deichmann, F., & Ahnert, L. (2021). The terrible twos: How children cope with frustration and tantrums and the effect of maternal and paternal behaviors. Infancy, 26(3). https://doi.org/10.1111/infa.12389
Manning, B. L., Roberts, M. Y., Estabrook, R., Petitclerc, A., Burns, J. L., Briggs-Gowan, M., Wakschlag, L. S., & Norton, E. S. (2019). Relations between toddler expressive language and temper tantrums in a community sample. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 65, 101070. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appdev.2019.101070
Dr. Roseann is a mental health expert in Mood and Behavior who is frequently in the media:
- CityCURRENT Solutions for Your Kid’s Focus, Anxiety and Behavioral Issues with Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge.
- Epidemic Answers Neurofeedback for ADHD, Anxiety, OCD and Mood
- The Warrior Parent Podcast It's Gonna Be OK! Changing Behaviors and Responses (And The Magic of Magnesium)In Your Family with Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge
Always remember… “Calm Brain, Happy Family™”
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regime. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment vary by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC does not guarantee certain results.
Are you looking for SOLUTIONS for your struggling child or teen?
Dr. Roseann and her team are all about science-backed solutions, so you are in the right place!
Grab your complimentary copy of
147 Therapist-Endorsed Self-Regulation Strategies for Children: A Practical Guide for Parents
Dr. Roseann is a Children’s Mental Health Expert and Licensed Therapist who has been featured in/on hundreds of media outlets including The Mel Robbins Show, CBS, NBC, PIX11 NYC, Today, FORBES, CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Business Insider, Women’s Day, Healthline, CNET, Parade Magazine and PARENTS. FORBES called her, “A thought leader in children’s mental health.”
She coined the terms, “Re-entry panic syndrome” and “eco-anxiety” and is a frequent contributor to media on mental health.
Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge has three decades of experience in working with children, teens and their families with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, concussion, dyslexia and learning disability, anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), depression and mood disorder, Lyme Disease, and PANS/PANDAS using science-backed natural mental health solutions such as supplements, magnesium, nutrition, QEEG Brain maps, neurofeedback, PEMF, psychotherapy and other non-medication approaches.
She is the author of three bestselling books, It’s Gonna Be OK!: Proven Ways to Improve Your Child's Mental Health, The Teletherapy Toolkit, and Brain Under Attack. Dr. Roseann is known for offering a message of hope through science-endorsed methods that promote a calm brain.
Her trademarked BrainBehaviorResetⓇ Program and It’s Gonna be OK!Ⓡ Podcast has been a cornerstone for thousands of parents facing mental health, behavioral or neurodevelopmental challenges.
She is the founder and director of The Global Institute of Children’s Mental Health, Neurotastic™Brain Formulas and Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC. Dr. Roseann is a Board Certified Neurofeedback (BCN) Practitioner, a Board Member of the Northeast Region Biofeedback Society (NRBS), Certified Integrative Mental Health Professional (CIMHP) and an Amen Clinic Certified Brain Health Coach. She is also a member of The International Lyme Disease and Associated Disease Society (ILADS), The American Psychological Association (APA), Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) National Association of School Psychologists (NASP), International OCD Foundation (IOCDF).
© Roseann-Capanna-Hodge, LLC 2024
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regime. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment vary by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC does not guarantee certain results.
