There is no doubt that parenting in today's world is tough. In fact, 40% of parents feel so overwhelmed that they’ve shut down, and 48% feel like they’re barely holding on. That is why it is more important than ever to have a comprehensive understanding of how the nervous system works and how it impacts behavior and emotions.
When we know what’s happening inside the brain and body, we can better support our kids through those challenging moments. In today's episode, we’ll explore the intricate relationship between nervous system regulation and behavior, shedding light on how stressors affect our children's emotional responses.
Understanding Nervous System Dysregulation in Children and Its Impact on Children’s Behavior
Nervous system dysregulation plays a key role in your child’s emotions and behavior. When kids become either understimulated or overstimulated, understanding what’s happening in their nervous system helps you reframe their reactions and offer better support.
There is a need for us to shy away from the mindset that every behavioral challenge requires a clinical diagnosis or medication. Instead, we should focus on regulating the nervous system for both our child and within the family ecosystem. Often, these behavioral issues reflect a dysregulated nervous system responding to stress.
Indeed, dysregulation doesn’t always point to a clinical issue, but it’s essential to recognize that the nervous system reacts to both real and perceived stressors. This is why something seemingly minor can feel overwhelming to a child. Their brain interprets it as a source of stress, triggering a physical response. In reality, everyone experiences nervous system dysregulation at times, including adults. Studies show that 40% of parents today feel so overwhelmed they shut down, while 48% report they are struggling. If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health, know that you’re not alone.
When a child is understimulated, they may seem disconnected, processing information slowly, or frequently forgetting instructions. You might notice them asking you repeatedly or failing to respond when you call their name. Other common signs may be low energy and motivation.
In contrast, overstimulation can lead to intense emotional reactions, such as sudden meltdowns, bursts of anger, or frustration. These responses are becoming more common, not just in younger children, but even in adolescents and young adults.
At the core of these behaviors is the nervous system’s attempt to protect us. The autonomic nervous system manages the brain’s stress response. When the body is calm, it enters the parasympathetic state, or what I like to refer to as the “hot tub state”, where relaxation, rest, and digestion occur smoothly. However, when the brain senses stress, it shifts into a sympathetic state, triggering the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response.
The nervous system does not differentiate between real and imagined threats. It reacts to small stressors with the same intensity as it would to serious danger, such as encountering a wild animal. In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy for children and adults to become stuck in these reactive states.
If your child’s emotions have been fluctuating unpredictably, this isn’t a reflection of your parenting. It’s a sign that their nervous system is struggling to find balance. The good news, however, is that you can better support your child and yourself through these ups and downs by understanding these patterns.
Parenting Strategies to Support Regulated Nervous Systems
Children can exhibit signs of dysregulation in various ways, such as hyperactivity or disengagement, often influenced by factors like trauma, bullying, or learning difficulties. This highlights the need for parents to first focus on co-regulating their own nervous systems. Slowing down to support your child can be challenging, as it requires cultivating patience and grace. Kids learn from observing adults, making it essential to model regulated behavior.
To simplify this process, I’ve developed the CALMS Dysregulated Kid Parenting Protocol, which focuses on the key elements of co-regulation. The first step involves prioritizing your own regulation. When parents take a moment to breathe and calm themselves, they’re able to respond more patiently and empathetically to their children’s needs.
Next, it’s important to avoid personalizing your child’s behavior. Instead of perceiving their actions as direct challenges, try to understand the underlying reasons for their responses. By looking for root causes, such as sensory processing issues or nutrient deficiencies, you can adopt a more scientific approach to identify what might be contributing to their dysregulation.
Modeling coping skills is also crucial. Children face a myriad of stressors, from academic pressures to social dynamics, and they benefit immensely from seeing adults navigate these challenges effectively. Demonstrating how to manage stress can help children develop the skills they need to cope with their own pressures.
Lastly, focus on supporting and reinforcing positive behaviors. When you maintain a calm demeanor, you create an environment where your child can thrive, enabling you to teach and reinforce healthy coping mechanisms. It’s essential to remember that dysregulation often stems from a combination of factors, including nutrient deficiencies and life stressors like divorce.
I want to emphasize that self-regulation is the key to helping your children become self-regulated as well. By modeling calmness and patience, you provide them with a framework to navigate their own emotions and stressors.
Not sure where to start? We'll help you find the right solution tailored to your needs. Visit https://drroseann.com/help/ today and take our FREE Brain and Behavior Solutions Matcher.
To learn more about this, check out this post: Child anxiety test helping parents understand anxiety
Links and Resources:
➡️ Join our FREE Natural Parenting Community to receive science-backed resources for your child and family. Join here.
➡️ Get help from Dr. Roseann and her team. Apply here.
➡️ “Is it ADHD or something else?” Take the quiz.
