Do you feel that your children may be feeling stuck? Perhaps they’re struggling with their emotions, having trouble staying focused, or showing challenging behaviors that seem hard to understand. As we all know, it's easy to feel overwhelmed when nothing seems to help, but what if the key to unlocking their potential lies in understanding their nervous system?
Often, the root cause of what’s holding them back isn’t simply behavior—it’s nervous system dysregulation. This episode aims to focus on understanding why your child may feel stuck and how nervous system dysregulation could be the underlying cause. Let’s dive into how you can support your child and break through the barriers that keep them stuck!
The Importance of Science-Backed Solutions
It's easy to think that behavior problems stem from things like neurotransmitter imbalances or even genetics, but more often than not, it's a dysregulated nervous system that’s at the root of these challenges. What actually happens is that when the nervous system is dysregulated, it disrupts the body’s ability to stay in a balanced, calm state. The autonomic nervous system, which controls vital functions like heart rate, digestion, and even breathing, has two key states: the parasympathetic state (calm and relaxed) and the sympathetic state (fight-or-flight, stress response).
Ideally, your nervous system moves smoothly between these two states, depending on what’s going on in your environment. However, when it’s stuck in a state of stress or overstimulation (sympathetic dominance), it leads to a cascade of behaviors that can look like hyperactivity, anxiety, impulsivity, or emotional outbursts.
On the flip side, if the system is under-stimulated, it can result in behaviors like withdrawal, low energy, or difficulty engaging in tasks. These are signs that the nervous system is not properly regulating itself. This is why, instead of focusing solely on neurotransmitters or genetics, it’s crucial to understand how dysregulation in the nervous system contributes to these behaviors.
By addressing nervous system regulation—through science-backed methods like neurofeedback, calming techniques, and other strategies—you can help your child shift out of these dysregulated states, bringing them into a more balanced, focused, and emotionally stable place. Once the nervous system is in balance, behaviors improve, learning becomes easier, and your child can thrive.
Common Behaviors and Their Root Causes
Common behaviors like restlessness, hyperactivity, difficulty focusing, emotional outbursts, and heightened sensitivities to sounds or sensations, such as the noise of chewing, are often signs of emotional dysregulation, one of the top reasons families seek help. The root causes of these behaviors can be varied and complex. For some children, birth trauma or genetics may play a role, making them more vulnerable to stress. Other factors, such as being in an educational environment that doesn't cater to their unique strengths, can exacerbate dysregulation. This is why many parents explore alternative schooling options like homeschooling, especially for neurodivergent children who may not thrive in traditional settings. I have met families where each child attends a different school to best support their needs, which highlights how there's no one-size-fits-all solution.
Additionally, environmental factors, such as exposure to chemicals, mold, infections, or toxins, can contribute to nervous system dysregulation. Sometimes, the dysregulation can even be traced back to a parent who is struggling with their own trauma, which creates a cycle that impacts the entire family dynamic. These root causes of dysregulation can manifest in academic challenges, but they go beyond that, affecting emotional and behavioral development as well. It is crucial to recognize these underlying issues and approach them with empathy, knowing that every child and family has their own unique needs and circumstances.
The Impact of Nervous System Dysregulation on Learning and Healing
Nervous system dysregulation can keep children and families stuck in a cycle of struggles, from emotional reactivity and social challenges to burnout. One of the biggest obstacles is the pattern of reactivity that can exist between parents, siblings, and children, which leads to frustration and exhaustion. Families often go from one treatment or therapist to the next, searching for solutions, but they may not be addressing the root cause: dysregulation. Therapists may have good intentions, but without understanding the deep, clinical aspects of dysregulation, they may not provide the practical guidance parents need.
When parents are reactive themselves, it only perpetuates the cycle, making it harder to break free. Additionally, learned helplessness becomes a major barrier, especially as children get older and fail to launch into independence. Parents often feel worn out, but the key to breaking this cycle is understanding and addressing nervous system regulation. It all boils down to how parents adjust their own behaviors and make small, consistent changes to help their child regulate.
Another issue is active avoidance or withdrawal, where children refuse to engage or participate in things that could help them. But when the nervous system is regulated, you can expect decreasing resistance and improving engagement. This is especially noticeable with children on the autism spectrum, whose nervous systems tend to be more rigid. By supporting these children in regulating their nervous systems, you can help them overcome avoidance and begin to participate more fully in life.
Dysregulation also has a broader impact, affecting the immune system, causing neuroinflammation, and contributing to systemic inflammation, which complicates recovery and healing. This is especially relevant for children with conditions like PANS/PANDAS. In these cases, nervous system dysregulation doesn’t just cause behavioral issues, it also blocks the brain’s ability to learn, heal, and function optimally.
Indeed, the key to unlocking progress in both behavior and health is understanding and addressing nervous system dysregulation. It’s the underlying factor that impacts every aspect of your child’s mental health and well-being.
The CALMS Parenting Protocol
I'm always proud to share my CALMS Parenting Protocol as it is an effective communication strategy anyone can use, including teachers. It’s a five-step process designed to help you support children with dysregulated nervous systems.
C is for Co-regulate. To do this, you must take care of your own emotional state first. This is crucial for both you and future generations. What I want to emphasize is that you don’t need to be perfect, just regulated most of the time.
A is for Avoid Personalizing the Behavior. Remember, your child isn’t acting out on purpose. Their nervous system is simply stuck in a particular behavior.
L is for Look for Root Causes. Behavior is often influenced by a variety of factors beyond genetics, such as environmental influences. These causes may not be immediately obvious, so keep looking for the deeper reasons behind the behavior.
M is for Model Coping Skills. Demonstrate the behaviors and coping mechanisms you want to see in your child. They need to learn from your example and see what self-regulation looks like.
S is for Support and Reinforce. Celebrate any progress your child makes and reinforce these steps. This is how you create lasting, neurological change.
The CALMS Parenting Protocol helps build skills over time, and I promise you can make a positive impact. If you need extra support, I’m here to help.
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For more information, check out the following posts:
● Dysregulated behavior in kids/
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