When parents ask me why their child can’t stay organized, follow directions, or remember what they were doing two minutes ago, I almost always point them toward understanding what executive functioning is. And if you’ve ever wondered whether your child is “lazy” or “just not trying,” please hear me when I say: it’s not a character issue—it’s a brain skill issue. Executive functioning is at the core of how kids plan, prioritize, and manage life. And most struggling kids aren’t misbehaving; they’re dysregulated and overwhelmed.
In this episode, I dive into what these skills actually are, how they differ from attention, and why so many kids with ADHD, anxiety, OCD, ASD, dyslexia, or mood issues get tripped up by them. When you understand the skill gap—not a motivation gap—you can finally support your child in a way that creates real change.
How do I know if my child has executive functioning problems or if it’s just ADHD?
Parents often confuse attention and executive functioning, but they’re not the same. Attention is the brain’s ability to alert. Executive functioning is the brain’s ability to organize the steps needed to reach a goal. Your child may sit and listen (attention) yet be totally unable to start homework (task initiation).
Kids with anxiety, OCD, depression, or dyslexia often look inattentive because their brain is busy elsewhere—not because they’re “not trying.”
Look for patterns such as:
- Difficulty shifting between tasks
- Forgetting multi-step directions
- Meltdowns when routines change
A mom recently shared that her son kept getting labeled as defiant during homework time. When we dug deeper, it was clear he was frozen because he didn’t know how to break assignments into steps.
Why can’t my kid start anything—even things they WANT to do?
Task initiation is one of the most common executive functioning challenges. Your child isn’t being oppositional; their brain cannot map out the first actionable step. When a child is dysregulated—whether from stress, sensory overload, or a learning challenge—their planning skills go offline.
Try:
- Break tasks into micro-steps
- Use visual checklists
- Co-regulate first to calm their nervous system
One dad told me that once he helped his daughter “start with just two minutes,” the tears stopped and her momentum finally grew.
Is it normal that my child melts down every time they need to switch activities?
Yes—and it’s tied to cognitive flexibility, a foundational executive functioning skill. Kids who struggle with flexibility aren’t stubborn; their brain panics when the mental plan changes.
When a child goes from video games to dinner, their brain needs support shifting gears.
What helps:
- Preview transitions ahead of time
- Use timers or countdowns
- Stay calm and regulate first, then guide them
How can I help my child build working memory when they forget everything?
Working memory isn’t a moral failing—it’s a capacity issue. Stress, anxiety, or a dysregulated nervous system make it even harder.
Boost memory by:
- Chunking information
- Using repetition and routines
- Strengthening regulation first, because an overwhelmed brain can’t store new info
A parent I worked with was amazed that once her son’s emotional regulation improved, his “forgetfulness” nearly vanished.
When your child is dysregulated, it’s easy to feel helpless. The Regulation Rescue Kit gives you the scripts and strategies you need to stay grounded and in control. Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and get your free kit today.
🗣️ “Your child isn’t lazy or unmotivated—executive functioning is a brain skill, and skills can be built.” — Dr. Roseann
Takeaway & What’s Next
Executive functioning challenges are not a reflection of your child’s effort—they’re a reflection of how their brain is wired and how regulated they feel. When you support the nervous system first and teach structure step by step, everything becomes easier. For a deeper look at how these skills differ from attention, listen next to Executive Functioning versus ADHD. You’re doing better than you think—and there is always a path forward.
FAQs
How do I know if it’s executive functioning or behavior?
When a child can’t rather than won’t, it’s executive functioning. Dysregulation makes planning and follow-through nearly impossible.
Why does my child forget simple steps?
Working memory collapses when the nervous system is overwhelmed. Supporting regulation improves recall dramatically.
Can executive functioning get better with practice?
Yes—these are trainable skills. Small, consistent supports lead to big gains over time.
Why does my child panic during transitions?
Their brain struggles to shift gears. Predictability, previews, and calm co-regulation reduce transition stress.
Tired of not knowing what’s really going on with your child?
The Solution Matcher gives you a personalized recommendation based on your child’s behavior, not just a label. It’s free, takes just a few minutes, and shows you the best next step. Go to www.drroseann.com/help
