All kids experience emotional ups and downs, but some are more prone to episodes of emotional dysregulation. For sensitive children and teens, emotions can feel overwhelming, creating extra stress for both them and their parents.
Emotional dysregulation describes emotional responses that are poorly regulated and do not fall within traditional criteria for emotional reactions. Mood swings, marked mood fluctuations, and labile mood are other names for it. With increased emotional reactivity, your child may find it harder to function at home, work, or school. Sibling, friend, and parent relationships may suffer as a result of a child's over reactivity.
What is Emotional Dysregulation?
Emotional dysregulation refers to the difficulty individuals face in managing their emotions in a balanced or appropriate manner for various situations. It’s when feelings like frustration, anger, or sadness take over and become bigger than they should, leading to meltdowns, outbursts, or shutting down completely.
For kids, emotional dysregulation often shows up as intense reactions to small triggers or mood swings that seem to come out of nowhere. It’s not about bad behavior—it’s the brain and nervous system being stuck in overdrive.
Symptoms of Emotional Dysregulation
Emotional dysregulation shows up differently for every child, but the signs are often hard to miss. Recognizing the symptoms is the first step to understanding what’s really going on beneath the surface and finding ways to support them. Here are some common ways emotional dysregulation can manifest:
Intense Reactions to Small Triggers
Over-the-top emotional responses to minor setbacks or frustrations.
Difficulty Calming Down
Struggling to self-regulate and return to a calm state after being upset or overwhelmed.
Frequent Mood Swings
Rapid shifts in mood, from happy to angry or sad, without a clear reason.
Outbursts or Meltdowns
Explosive reactions that feel out of proportion to the situation may be a sign of severe emotional dysregulation.
Withdrawing or Shutting Down
Avoiding situations, isolating themselves, or refusing to engage when emotions feel too overwhelming.
Overwhelmed by Stress
Struggling to cope with everyday challenges and feeling constantly “on edge.”
These behaviors aren’t about misbehavior—they’re signs that a child’s brain and nervous system are struggling to manage emotions effectively.
Causes of Emotional Dysregulation
Emotional dysregulation doesn’t just happen—it’s often rooted in underlying issues that affect how the brain and nervous system respond to stress. For many kids, trauma, chronic stress, or unmet emotional needs can overwhelm their system, leaving them stuck in a cycle of big feelings and outbursts. Neurological differences, like ADHD or autism, can also play a role, making it harder for kids to process and manage emotions effectively. Here's how emotional dysregulation can happen:
- Trauma or chronic stress overwhelming the nervous system.
- Neurological differences or mental health disorder such as ADHD, traumatic brain injury or autism, making emotion processing harder.
- Physical factors like poor sleep, nutritional deficiencies, or health issues can contribute to experience emotional dysregulation.
- Lack of exposure to healthy coping strategies or emotional regulation tools.
- Unmet emotional needs leading to heightened emotional responses.
- In adults, emotion dysregulation can be caused by substance abuse
Addressing these root causes can help children calm their brains, regulate emotions, and develop the skills they need to thrive.
How to Help with Emotional Dysregulation in Children
Supporting a child with emotional dysregulation starts with understanding what’s really going on beneath the surface. Those big feelings and intense reactions aren’t a choice—they’re a sign that their brain and nervous system are overwhelmed and struggling to cope. Kids with emotional dysregulation may need more than just discipline; they emotional awareness, guidance, and a safe space to learn how to manage their emotions and build healthy relationships. It’s not about fixing behavior—it’s about supporting their growth. Here are ten strategies to help your child with emotional dysregulation:
#1 Understand why your kid is behaving that way.
Kids often seek attention in any way they can, and when misbehavior gets a big reaction, it’s likely to happen again. Despite how it may seem, most of these behaviors aren’t intentional—they’re habits formed by the brain’s response to patterns. When children don’t know another way to respond, they repeat what’s familiar, even if it’s the “wrong” behavior. This is where emotional regulation skills can come in handy.
Once parents understand that their child’s behavior is a reflection of how their brain reacts, not deliberate defiance, it becomes easier to address. The key is to stop focusing on what not to do and instead show them what to do. Kids thrive with clear guidance, positive reinforcement, and support in learning new ways to cope, regulate emotions and behave.
Taking a closer look at what’s driving your child’s behavior—whether it’s frustration, lack of understanding, or unmet needs—can reveal surprising insights. While support from a mental health professional may be needed for more intense emotions and challenges, parents can start by shifting their perspective, offering consistent positive reinforcement, and providing the tools their child needs to succeed.
#2 Monitor your child's overall health.
Taking care of your child's health, including eating right, sleeping well, and exercising regularly, will help one cope with everyday life stresses and challenges. Parents need to assess their children's current habits and make any necessary changes. Remember that physical health is very much connected to mental health.
Looking at their diet and sleep is where every parent should start. Think about if they are getting enough sleep or if they appear tired all the time and find ways to improve their sleep schedule. Diet is also very important because what you eat impacts the brain and behavior. Consistent protein helps to balance blood sugar and curb behavior.
You should see some positive changes if you commit your kids to a new schedule for a month. Consistency is important in order for changes in the brain to impact behavior.
#3 Reinforce positive behaviors.
Most parents don't realize how much reinforcement kids need for good behavior. Developing desired behaviors is called shaping. To achieve the desired behavior in your kids, you need to reinforce it. Reinforcement should be very explicit.
Decide on one behavior you would like to reinforce and do so for at least 30 days. Then, recognize all steps your child has taken in the right direction. It is unnecessary to address all kinds of behavior, especially if you are not at risk of harming yourself or others. Keeping a behavior in check can be as simple as ignoring it. But unlike certain behaviors, negative emotions shouldn't be overlooked.
When highly upset, some children are too dysregulated to be left alone. Hence, it would be better for you to hold them or let them have downtime first and talk later. Then, after your child has calmed down, let them discuss their feelings and explore ways to cope and problem-solve.
#4 Manage your child's stress.
Stress can overwhelm emotionally dysregulated children, which can make coping more difficult for them. For example, if a child cries when they lose a game of cards, it may mean they can't manage. Their emotions overwhelms them, resulting in their inability to manage how they feel.
The lack of coping skills affects kids and children alike and they can be learned. Kids must develop problem-solving behaviors to build coping skills. Moreover, learning self-calming skills will help them now and in the future, so family regulation activities such as breathing exercises, yoga, art, etc. can help pave the way.
#5 Support your child during meltdowns.
If your child is distressed, their rational brain has been turned off, so trying to talk to them is pointless. They are “in the red” and in a fight, flight, or freeze stat,e so they can't hear you. Rather than shaming or blaming your child after a meltdown, work through the situation together. Come up with ideas on how they can understand their own emotions and manage what just happened.
Encourage them to think about what else they could have done. If they can't think of a solution, help them come up with two. Continually repeat this process until this skill becomes second nature to them.
#6 Provide social support.
Emotional resilience requires strong social interactions. Parents can teach their children how to build social relationships carefully. Help them identify people who can provide encouragement and support and keep them away from those who cannot.
School-age children and teens require social support. Young adults should be allowed to see their friends in a safe environment. Young children, on the other hand, rely on their parents for social support.
And explicitly teach how to have back-and-forth conversations. In a world full of highly stressed people, don't forget to emphasize emotional empathy.
#7 Communicate positively.
Changing a negative statement to a positive one can create self-esteem in a child or teen. A negative comment criticizes and shame, but a positive statement reinforces healthy behaviors. It's not helpful to always point out what a child is doing wrong, as that doesn't teach them what to do. It is all about problem solving and normalizing the challenges we all face.
Rather than punishing, discipline should be centered on teaching. Using discipline that focuses on natural consequences will help your child learn healthy behavior. Having clear-cut rules and discussing expectations as a family is essential so kids understand the boundaries.
#8 Empower them.
Teenagers and children need the power to make choices when situations are out of control. A sense of choice reduces the anxiety brought about by stressful situations. Get them started by creating a list of things they must do to earn everyday privileges.
In everyday life, always try to include them in decision making. From choosing how to spice the chicken to what time they are taking a shower, these little choices can make a big difference in their self-confidence.
#9 Set limits.
Clinical issues can have a big impact on everyday life for a child and their family. Post-traumatic stress disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and anxiety can cause children and teens to display certain behaviors. Because of this, it is essential to set limits so that kids have an explicit understanding of the implicit.
Be clear about your expectations while keeping a flexible attitude to accommodate your child's emotional state and behavioral needs. Disciplining children and teens requires clear boundaries, emotion-centered language, and a sense of family community.
#10 Use cognitive reappraisal strategy.
Teaching your child or loved one a strategy called cognitive reappraisal is essential to influence their emotional response. Cognitive reappraisal is used in emotional dysregulation treatment to modify cognitive processes and reinterpret emotional events to change emotional experiences (Gross, 1998).
Unwanted or uncomfortable thoughts can be managed by thought examination and reframing. In addition, this strategy helps identify processes that limit responsiveness to challenges, such as black-and-white thinking, overgeneralizations, and catastrophizing.
In cognitive reappraisal, stimuli are processed at a deeper level, thus enhancing memory. The benefits of this strategy include effective regulation of strong emotions and improved memory of emotional experiences (Wang et al., 2017).
Mental Health Conditions Connected to Emotional Dysregulation
Emotional dysregulation is often linked to underlying mental health challenges where the brain and nervous system struggle to manage emotional responses effectively. Kids and teens with these conditions may find it harder to calm down, cope with stress, or handle daily challenges without intense reactions. Recognizing these connections can help parents and professionals better understand the root causes and provide the right support.
- ADHD: Difficulty with impulse control and managing emotions.
- Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): Challenges in processing and regulating emotions.
- Anxiety Disorders: Heightened emotional reactivity and difficulty calming down.
- Depression: Struggles with mood swings and emotional intensity.
- Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): Intense emotional responses and rapid mood shifts.
- Bipolar Disorder: Extreme highs and lows in emotional states.
- Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD): Frequent emotional outbursts and difficulty managing frustration.
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): Emotional dysregulation triggered by trauma reminders.
Neurofeedback and PEMF for Emotional Dysregulation
Using neurofeedback, PEMF, and nutritional supplements may also be helpful. These natural solutions can relieve sensory needs and improve brain function. Using them makes it likely for your child to have a calmer brain, regulated behavior, and improved mental health.
Dysregulation Solution: Online Program by Dr. Roseann
Liam’s emotions often overwhelmed him, leading to daily meltdowns that left his parents, Jenna and Mike, feeling lost. Through Dr. Roseann’s Dysregulation Solution, they learned practical strategies to calm Liam’s nervous system, like co-regulation techniques, parent scripts such as “Let’s take a breath together,” and role-playing scenarios to teach him how to handle big emotions.
With tools like box breathing and sensory supports, Liam began managing his feelings more independently. Meltdowns became less frequent, and his focus and relationships improved. The program not only gave Liam the skills to self-regulate but also transformed their home into a calmer, more supportive environment. If you want to learn more about Dysregulation Solution, click here to learn more.
Are there physical symptoms of emotional dysregulation?
Yes, emotional dysregulation can manifest physical symptoms, as the brain and body are closely connected. Common physical signs include headaches, muscle tension, stomachaches, rapid heart rate, or fatigue, often triggered by chronic stress or intense emotional reactions. These symptoms result from the body being stuck in a heightened state of arousal, such as the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. Addressing the underlying emotional dysregulation can help alleviate these physical symptoms and restore balance to the nervous system.
Can emotional dysregulation lead to a mood disorder?
Yes, emotional dysregulation can contribute to the development of a mood disorder over time. When emotions feel overwhelming and individuals struggle with intense feelings, angry outbursts, or prolonged difficult emotions, the persistent stress can increase vulnerability to many mental health conditions, including mood disorders like depression or bipolar disorder. If left unaddressed, emotional dysregulation may also lead to more severe challenges, such as suicidal thoughts. Treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help individuals learn to manage emotional dysregulation effectively, reducing the risk of developing or exacerbating a mood disorder.
How can Dialectical Behavior Therapy help with emotional control?
Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) is an effective treatment for managing overwhelming negative emotions often associated with mental disorders like anxiety, depression, and borderline personality disorder. By targeting negative thought patterns, DBT helps individuals develop healthier coping strategies and regain emotional control, improving their ability to handle stress and enhance their quality of life. This approach can make a significant difference in a person's life by fostering balance and resilience.
What challenges do emotionally dysregulated individuals face?
Emotionally dysregulated individuals often experience difficulty managing emotions, which can lead to struggles in maintaining relationships and coping with emotional pain. In some cases, these challenges may stem from or contribute to emotional abuse or underlying mental illness, further complicating their ability to find balance and stability. Addressing emotional dysregulation through support and intervention can help improve emotional well-being and foster healthier relationships.
Can emotional dysregulation lead to self-harm?
Yes, emotional dysregulation can lead to self-harm, as individuals who experience intense emotions and significant mood swings may struggle to find healthy ways to cope. This difficulty in managing overwhelming feelings can increase the risk of self-harming behaviors as a way to temporarily relieve emotional pain. Left unaddressed, emotional dysregulation can contribute to other mental health issues, making early intervention and support critical for building healthier coping strategies.
Can temper tantrums be linked to childhood trauma?
Yes, temper tantrums can sometimes be linked to childhood trauma, as past experiences may make it harder for children to build interpersonal relationships and manage strong emotions like frustration or hurt feelings. Trauma can leave a lasting impact on how a child processes and reacts to stress, leading to intense emotional outbursts. If tantrums are frequent or extreme, consulting a healthcare provider can help identify underlying causes and provide strategies to support emotional regulation.
Citations
Gross J. J. (1998). Antecedent & response-focused emotion regulation: divergent consequences for experience, expression, and physiology. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 74 224–237. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.74.1.224
Wang, Y. M., Chen, J., & Han, B. Y. (2017). The Effects of Cognitive Reappraisal & Expressive Suppression on Memory of Emotional Pictures. Frontiers in Psychology, 8. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01921
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