107 Self Regulation Skills for Children: How to Improve Focus, Emotional Control, and Learning

107 Self Regulation Skills for Children: How to Improve Focus, Emotional Control, and Learning

107 Self Regulation Skills
Picture of Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge

Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge

Ever tried reasoning with a tired, hungry, overstimulated child who refuses to wear socks because they feel “weird”? Yep, that’s what dysregulation looks like in action. But here’s the thing—self-regulation skills for children don’t just magically appear overnight. They have to be taught, practiced, and reinforced (preferably before the next public meltdown in Target).

Kids who can regulate their emotions, thoughts, and actions do better in school, make friends more easily, and have fewer total nuclear meltdowns over broken crayons. And let’s be real, that makes parenting a whole lot less stressful.

This guide lays out 107 self-regulation skills for children, so you’ll have the tools to help your child go from chaos to calm—without needing a magic wand (or an industrial-sized coffee). Because when kids learn to self-regulate, life gets easier for everyone.

Infographic highlighting four key self-regulation skills for children: cognitive, emotional, behavioral, and social regulation.

What Are the Four Key Skills Related to Self-Regulation?

Self-regulation isn’t just one skill—it’s a whole toolbox that helps kids manage emotions, focus their thoughts, control impulses, and interact with others in a positive way. Without these skills, life can feel like one big meltdown waiting to happen (for kids and parents).

Here are the four essential self-regulation skills for children that build the foundation for focus, learning, and emotional balance:

  • Emotional Regulation – This is the ability to recognize, process, and manage emotions. A child who learns to breathe through frustration instead of throwing their math book across the room is developing emotional regulation.
  • Cognitive Regulation – This is all about controlling thoughts, staying focused, and problem-solving. Kids with strong cognitive regulation can stick with a tough task instead of giving up at the first challenge.
  • Behavioral Regulation – This skill helps kids make thoughtful choices instead of acting on impulse (a.k.a. not grabbing the last cookie before asking). It’s key for building habits like following routines and delaying gratification.
  • Social Regulation – The ability to navigate friendships, conversations, and group settings without total awkwardness. It includes understanding social cues, taking turns, and not blurting out every thought that pops into their head.

Each of these skills works together, helping kids feel more in control and capable. When children struggle with self-regulation, it can show up as frustration, inattention, impulsivity, or social challenges—but the good news is, these skills can be taught. And when kids learn to regulate, life gets a whole lot easier (for them and for you!).

Why Is It Important to Regulate Your Emotions?

If you’ve ever had a child completely lose it over the wrong-colored plate or implode at the thought of homework, you already know that emotional regulation is a big deal. Self-regulation skills for children aren’t just about keeping the peace—they’re the foundation for mental health, resilience, and success in school and life.

For kids who are neurodivergent or struggle with emotional regulation, big feelings can feel impossible to manage. Their nervous system may be stuck in fight, flight, or freeze, making even small frustrations seem like a catastrophe. But here’s the good news—emotional regulation can be taught, and when kids learn to regulate, everything gets easier.

When children (and let’s be honest, adults too) build self-regulation skills, they:

  • Handle stress better without melting down or shutting down
  • Build stronger relationships because they can express feelings instead of exploding
  • Navigate life's ups and downs with more confidence and less reactivity

And emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings—it’s about teaching kids that ALL feelings are okay, but not all reactions are. Helping them understand, process, and express emotions in a healthy way gives them tools they’ll use for life.

Why Is Self-Regulation Important for Students?

In school, self-regulation is everything. It’s what helps a child stay on task, manage frustration, and bounce back from setbacks instead of giving up at the first sign of struggle.

For kids with ADHD, anxiety, learning differences, or other challenges, self-regulation skills help them:

  • Focus in class instead of daydreaming or feeling overwhelmed
  • Stay organized so assignments don’t disappear into the abyss of their backpack
  • Manage test anxiety and daily stress without shutting down
  • Navigate friendships and group work without social struggles

For neurodivergent kids, self-regulation can be the difference between thriving and just surviving in school. It gives them the structure, confidence, and coping skills they need to navigate everything from overstimulation to academic pressure.

At the end of the day, self-regulation isn’t just about school—it’s about life. Teaching kids to manage emotions, attention, and behavior sets them up for success in everything they do. And the earlier they learn, the easier it is for them to build resilience, independence, and confidence.

So if your child struggles with self-regulation, don’t worry—it’s a skill that can be taught, practiced, and strengthened. And trust me, when kids learn to regulate, life gets easier for everyone.

Infographic explaining how to teach self-regulation in three steps: co-regulate, teach emotions and coping skills, and reinforce with practice.

107 Emotional Regulation Skills

Emotional Regulation: Helping Kids and Teens Manage Big Feelings

Self-regulation starts with learning how to manage emotions in a way that fosters resilience and confidence. Here’s how to help kids recognize, process, and balance their emotions.

  1. Journal for Emotional Awareness: Regularly record and reflect on emotions.
  2. Mindfulness Meditation for Emotional Balance: Practice to maintain emotional equilibrium.
  3. Deep Breathing for Emotional Peaks: Use as a tool to self-soothe during intense emotions.
  4. Art/Music for Emotional Expression: Channel emotions creatively.
  5. Role-Play for Emotional Preparedness: Simulate scenarios to better manage real-life emotions.
  6. Gratitude Exercises for Emotional Positivity: Cultivate a habit of thankfulness.
  7. Self-Talk for Emotional Compassion: Engage in nurturing self-dialogue and use it as a counter to negative self-talk. 
  8. Emotion Identification: Sharpen emotional recognition skills by gauging how others feel around you and in the media. 
  9. Support Groups for Shared Emotional Understanding: Connect and learn from others’ experiences whether through an online or in-person group. 
  10. Mood Tracking for Emotional Patterns: Gain insights into emotional trends by tracking moods and patterns. 
  11. Study Emotional Intelligence for Deeper Emotional Understanding: Apply its concepts for better emotional management.
  12. Pause Before Reacting for Emotional Control: Practice putting the breaks before responding rather than reacting.

Which Provides the Best Example of Cognitive Self Regulation? Cognitive Regulation Skills: Strengthening Focus, Problem-Solving, and Decision-Making

Cognitive self-regulation is all about guiding thoughts and learning to stay present, focused, and flexible. These strategies help kids and teens think more clearly and make better decisions.
  1. Mindfulness for Focused Thinking: Use to clear and direct thoughts to build metacognitive skills.
  2. Brain Teasers for Cognitive Flexibility: Enhance mental agility.
  3. Goal Setting for Cognitive Direction: Establish clear, attainable objectives.
  4. Planners for Thought Organization: Keep thoughts and tasks structured.
  5. Reflective Practice for Cognitive Learning: Analyze past experiences to inform future decisions.
  6. Language Learning for Cognitive Expansion: Challenge and broaden cognitive capabilities.
  7. Visualization for Goal Achievement: Employ mental imagery to reinforce managing stressful situations and/or achieving goals. .
  8. Regular Reading for Concentration: Improve focus and cognitive absorption.
  9. New Hobbies for Cognitive Stimulation: Explore and stimulate the mind.
  10. Critical Thinking Practice: Sharpen analytical skills.
  11. Memory Techniques for Cognitive Recall: Strengthen memory capacity.
  12. Reflective Thinking for Self-Assessment: Regularly evaluate one’s thoughts and learning.

Behavioral Regulation: Teaching Kids to Manage Impulses and Build Healthy Habits

When kids learn how to pause before reacting and make thoughtful choices, they develop better self-control and independence. Here’s how to help kids regulate their actions.
  1. Routine Establishment for Behavioral Consistency: Create and follow daily structures.
  2. Time Management for Self-Directed Behavior: Organize and prioritize actions.
  3. Goal Monitoring for Behavioral Accountability: Keep track of progress and setbacks.
  4. Delayed Gratification Practice for Impulse Control: Train patience and discipline.
  5. Role-Playing for Behavioral Preparedness: Anticipate and plan for various responses and build coping skills. 
  6. Reward Systems for Motivation: Incentivize and reward self-regulated behavior.
  7. Mindfulness for Impulse Awareness: Remain present and conscious of actions.
  8. Disciplined Sports for Self-Control: Cultivate discipline and persistence.
  9. Task Reminders for Behavioral Organization: Stay on top of responsibilities.
  10. Habit Tracking for Behavior Modification: Observe and adjust personal habits.
  11. Community Service for Social Responsibility: Develop a sense of accountability and service.
  12. Role Models for Behavioral Guidance: Learn from exemplary behaviors.

Social Regulation: Building Connection, Empathy, and Stronger Relationships

Navigating social situations requires self-awareness, communication, and emotional intelligence. These self-regulation strategies help kids and teens develop healthy relationships.

  1. Group Activities for Social Engagement: Participate actively and cooperatively in team settings.
  2. Active Listening for Understanding Others: Focus on truly hearing and processing social interactions.

 

Active Listening for Understanding Others

  1. Social Scenario Role-Play for Interaction Skills: Practice and refine social exchanges.
  2. Community Service for Empathetic Development: Build empathy through service and interaction.
  3. Perspective Taking for Social Insight: Consider and value different viewpoints.
  4. Conflict Resolution Skills for Social Harmony: Develop strategies to manage and resolve interpersonal conflicts.
  5. Social Skills Training for Interaction Proficiency: Systematically improve social competencies.
  6. Team-Building for Group Dynamics: Strengthen collaborative skills.
  7. Assertive Communication for Effective Exchange: Communicate needs and thoughts clearly and respectfully.
  8. Cultural Exchange for Global Social Awareness: Broaden understanding of diverse social norms and practices.

Stress Management: Simple Strategies to Help Kids and Teens Stay Regulated and Focused

From school pressures to daily challenges, stress is part of life—but learning how to manage it makes all the difference. These tools help kids calm their nervous system and build resilience.

  1. Implement Relaxation Techniques: Consciously use methods like guided imagery to combat stress.
  2. Exercise Regularly: Choose physical activities for stress reduction.
  3. Practice Yoga or Tai Chi: Engage in these disciplines for mental and physical equilibrium.
  4. Invest Time in Hobbies: Prioritize activities outside work/school for relaxation.
  5. Manage Time Effectively: Plan and organize tasks to minimize stress.
  6. Develop Personal Relaxation Routines: Create tailored methods for calming down.
  7. Journal Thoughts and Feelings: Actively reflect on and process emotions.
  8. Pay Attention to Sensations: Look for signals of activation and take action on calming your brain and body.

Pay Attention to Sensations

  1. Use Deep Breathing Techniques: Employ these as immediate stress relievers.
  2. Pursue Creative Activities: Channel stress into artistic expression.
  3. Seek Professional Counseling: Proactively get support for stress management.
  4. Practice Positive Affirmations: Regularly reinforce a positive mindset.
  5. Create Stress-Free Spaces: Actively organize living/working areas to reduce stress triggers.

Health and Wellness: Daily Habits to Regulate the Brain and Body

A well-regulated body leads to a well-regulated brain. Supporting sleep, nutrition, movement, and mindfulness helps kids and teens feel their best and stay balanced.

  1. Maintain a Regular Sleep Schedule: Prioritize and regulate sleep patterns.
  2. Eat a Balanced and Nutritious Diet: Choose foods that nourish and sustain.
  3. Engage in Regular Physical Activity: Make exercise a consistent part of life.
  4. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation: Integrate these practices for mental well-being.
  5. Practice Gratitude: Use grateful language.
  6. Participate in Wellness Programs: Actively seek and engage in health education.
  7. Schedule Regular Health Check-Ups: Proactively monitor personal health.
  8. Perform Balance Exercises: Incorporate stability practices like Pilates.
  9. Engage in Social Wellness Activities: Actively participate in community wellness events.
  10. Cook Healthy Meals: Take charge of nutrition through cooking.
  11. Build Stress Tolerance: Learn how to incrementally tolerate uncomfortable sensations, thoughts and feelings. 
  12. Eat Mindfully: Focus on the experience of eating healthily instead of over or under eating.
Infographic showing self-regulation techniques for children, including heart hug, deep breathing, butterfly tap, and 5-4-3-2-1 grounding.

Academic Regulation: Helping Kids Stay on Track with Learning and Focus

Self-regulation is key to academic success. Teaching kids how to manage time, stay organized, and overcome distractions helps them develop lifelong learning skills.

  1. Adhere to Study Schedules: Organize and follow a dedicated study timetable.
  2. Develop Effective Note-Taking Skills: Actively improve note-taking methods.
  3. Participate in Study Groups: Engage with peers for collaborative learning.
  4. Use Mnemonic Devices: Employ memory aids for better retention.
  5. Seek and Apply Feedback: Actively use input for academic improvement.
  6. Utilize Educational Software: Integrate technological tools into studying.
  7. Seek Academic Counseling: Proactively use academic support services.
  8. Engage in Extracurricular Academic Activities: Expand learning beyond the classroom.
  9. Set Specific Academic Goals: Clearly define and pursue educational objectives.
  10. Learn from Educational Media: Actively use podcasts and videos for learning.
  11. Create Mind Maps for Subjects: Visually organize and connect ideas.
  12. Review and Summarize Materials Regularly: Reinforce learning through frequent revision.
  13. Manage Test Anxiety with Regulation Strategies – Use deep breathing, visualization, or mindfulness techniques before exams to stay calm and focused.
  14. Use the Pomodoro Technique – Study in short, focused bursts (e.g., 25 minutes) with scheduled breaks to maintain attention and prevent burnout.
  15. Apply Self-Reflection After Assignments – After a test or project, reflect on what worked and what could be improved to refine study strategies.

Professional Development Skills for Teens

As teens start thinking about college, careers, and life beyond school, developing self-regulation in professional settings is key. Whether they’re balancing school, a part-time job, or leadership roles in extracurriculars, learning to manage responsibilities, seek growth opportunities, and build workplace-ready skills will set them up for success.

  1. Set Career and Education Goals – Think about where you want to be in five years and break it into small, achievable steps.
  2. Find a Mentor – Connect with a teacher, coach, or professional who can offer guidance and real-world insights.
  3. Develop Time Management Skills – Use planners, reminders, or apps to balance school, work, and personal responsibilities.
  4. Practice Public Speaking – Join clubs like Debate, Model UN, or Toastmasters to build confidence in communication.
  5. Gain Work Experience – Internships, summer jobs, or volunteering can help you learn real-world skills and expand your network.
  6. Learn to Accept Feedback – Whether from teachers, coaches, or employers, use constructive criticism as a tool for growth.
  7. Take Initiative – Volunteer for leadership roles, new projects, or extra responsibilities to show motivation and reliability.
  8. Build Networking Skills – Engage in conversations with professionals at events, through LinkedIn, or within school clubs.
  9. Develop Adaptability – Learn how to handle changes, manage stress, and stay flexible when things don’t go as planned.
  10. Master Digital Etiquette – Practice professional email writing, maintain a positive online presence, and use technology responsibly.
  11. Build Executive Functioning Skills: Start with the end goal in mind and work backwards.

Technology and Device Regulation Skills: Preventing Digital Dysregulation

In today’s world, devices are everywhere—but how we use them determines whether they support or dysregulate our nervous system. Digital self-regulation isn’t just about screen time; it’s about intentional technology use that fosters focus, well-being, and personal growth rather than overstimulation, stress, and distraction.

  1. Create Tech-Free Zones and Times – Designate certain areas (like bedrooms) and times (like meals and before bed) as screen-free to promote better sleep and connection.
  2. Use Tech with Purpose – Before picking up your device, ask: “What am I here to do?”—instead of mindlessly scrolling.
  3. Set Boundaries with Social Media – Limit social media use to specific times and avoid overconsumption that leads to comparison and anxiety.
  4. Balance Digital and Offline Activities – For every hour of screen time, balance it with movement, social interaction, or outdoor time to prevent nervous system overload.
  5. Use Screen Time Tracking Wisely – Monitor device use to stay aware of unhealthy habits and make adjustments as needed.
  6. Implement a Digital Wind-Down Routine – Reduce blue light exposure and switch to calming activities like reading or meditation an hour before bed.
  7. Practice Dopamine Fasting – Take intentional breaks from stimulating digital activities (like gaming or social media) to reset focus and reduce digital addiction patterns.
  8. Engage with Educational and Growth-Oriented Content – Use technology as a tool for learning, skill-building, and creativity rather than just entertainment.
  9. Stay Mindful of Digital Triggers – Notice what content makes you feel anxious, overstimulated, or emotionally dysregulated, and adjust accordingly.
  10. Model Healthy Tech Use for Kids – If you're a parent, show your child what balanced technology use looks like through your own habits.

Technology isn’t going anywhere, but how we regulate our use of it determines whether it supports or hinders our mental and physical well-being. Practicing device regulation helps prevent device dysregulation™, allowing for a calmer, more focused, and healthier relationship with technology.

Self-Regulation Examples

Self-regulation is the ability to manage emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in a way that supports growth, learning, and relationships. For kids, this means being able to calm themselves when upset, focus when needed, and navigate social situations without melting down. Here are some self-regulation examples that happen in everyday life.

  • Emotional Regulation: A child who feels frustrated with homework takes a deep breath and asks for help instead of shutting down.
  • Cognitive Regulation: A student who struggles with focus sets a timer for 20 minutes to stay on task before taking a short break.
  • Behavioral Regulation: Instead of interrupting, a child raises their hand and waits their turn to speak in class.
  • Social Regulation: When a friend is upset, a child notices and asks, “Are you okay?” instead of walking away.

Every example of self-regulation is an opportunity to practice resilience, patience, and problem-solving. Kids aren’t born knowing how to regulate—they learn through modeling, guidance, and practice. That’s why co-regulation with parents and teachers is so important. When we help kids understand their emotions and give them tools to manage their reactions, we set them up for success at home, school, and beyond.

Want to help your child develop stronger self-regulation skills? Start with small, everyday moments—because regulation is a skill that grows with practice.

The Parent Journey of Teaching Self Regulation Skils

The journey of mastering self-regulation is one of empowerment and positive transformation, especially for individuals with clinical challenges or neurodivergence. Learning to self-regulate is akin to gaining a superpower – it unlocks a deeper understanding of oneself, enhances the ability to navigate life's complexities, and fosters resilience in the face of adversity.

The myriad of strategies and activities outlined are more than just tools; they are pathways to a richer, more fulfilling life experience. By embracing these practices, individuals learn not just to tolerate uncomfortable sensations but to interpret and use them as guides towards personal growth and well-being. The art of self-regulation allows for a balanced approach to life's challenges, turning potential obstacles into stepping stones for success and self-discovery.

For parents, these skills allow you to be calm enough for your child to co-regulate with you, as well as to learn from you. Adding in tools such as magnesium, breathwork, PEMF, or a healthy diet can help soothe the brain and make it easier to be more present. 

Remember, the path to effective self-regulation is unique for each person. It's a journey of exploration, where each strategy or skill can be tailored to fit individual needs and circumstances. This flexibility ensures that everyone, regardless of their starting point, can find techniques that resonate with them and incorporate them into their daily lives to counter dysregulation. 

If you are ready to create change for yourself at work or for your child at school or home, then our BrainBehaviorReset™ Program is your next step. 

Citations:

Billen, E., Garofalo, C., Weller, J. A., Kirisci, L., Reynolds, M., Tarter, R. E., & Bogaerts, S. (2022). Bidirectional associations between self-regulation and deviance from adolescence to adulthood. Development and psychopathology, 34(1), 335–344. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0954579420000656

Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge was the featured expert in this Healthline article: 

Healthline. (2019.). Self-regulation skills. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/childrens-health/self-regulation-skills

Sahranavard, S., Miri, M. R., & Salehiniya, H. (2018). The relationship between self-regulation and educational performance in students. Journal of education and health promotion, 7, 154. https://doi.org/10.4103/jehp.jehp_93_18

Tetering, M. A. J. V., Laan, A. M. V., Kogel, C. H., Groot, R. H. M., & Jolles, J. (2020). Sex differences in self-regulation in early, middle and late adolescence: A large-scale cross-sectional study. PloS one, 15(1), e0227607. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0227607

Are you looking for SOLUTIONS for your struggling child or teen? 

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You can get her books for parents and professionals, including: It’s Gonna Be OK™: Proven Ways to Improve Your Child’s Mental Health, Teletherapy Toolkit™ and Brain Under Attack: A Resource For Parents and Caregivers of Children With PANS, PANDAS, and Autoimmune Encephalopathy.

If you are a business or organization that needs proactive guidance to support employee mental health or an organization looking for a brand representative, check out Dr. Roseann’s professional speaking page to see how we can work together. 

Dr. Roseann is a Children’s Mental Health Expert and Licensed Therapist who has been featured in/on hundreds of media outlets including The Mel Robbins Show, CBS, NBC, PIX11 NYC, Today, FORBES, CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Business Insider, Women’s Day, Healthline, CNET, Parade Magazine and PARENTS. FORBES called her, “A thought leader in children’s mental health.

Dr. Roseann - Brain Behavior Reset Parent Toolkit

She coined the terms, “Re-entry panic syndrome” and “eco-anxiety” and is a frequent contributor to media on mental health. 

Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge has three decades of experience in working with children, teens and their families with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, concussion, dyslexia and learning disability, anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), depression and mood disorder, Lyme Disease, and PANS/PANDAS using science-backed natural mental health solutions such as supplements, magnesium, nutrition, QEEG Brain maps, neurofeedback, PEMF, psychotherapy and other non-medication approaches. 

She is the author of three bestselling books, It’s Gonna Be OK!: Proven Ways to Improve Your Child's Mental Health, The Teletherapy Toolkit, and Brain Under Attack. Dr. Roseann is known for offering a message of hope through science-endorsed methods that promote a calm brain. 

Her trademarked BrainBehaviorResetⓇ Program and It’s Gonna be OK!Ⓡ Podcast has been a cornerstone for thousands of parents facing mental health, behavioral or neurodevelopmental challenges.

She is the founder and director of The Global Institute of Children’s Mental Health, Neurotastic™Brain Formulas and Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC. Dr. Roseann is a Board Certified Neurofeedback (BCN) Practitioner, a Board Member of the Northeast Region Biofeedback Society (NRBS), Certified Integrative Mental Health Professional (CIMHP) and an Amen Clinic Certified Brain Health Coach.  She is also a member of The International Lyme Disease and Associated Disease Society (ILADS), The American Psychological Association (APA), Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) National Association of School Psychologists (NASP), International OCD Foundation (IOCDF).

© Roseann-Capanna-Hodge, LLC 2024

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regime. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment vary by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC does not guarantee certain results.

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