You repeat yourself 10 times and still get “Huh?” or “What?” Sound familiar? You’re not alone.
When kids don’t listen, it’s exhausting—and it can make any home feel chaotic.
In this short episode, I explain why kids miss what you say and the brain-based steps that actually help. You’ll learn how listening develops, what can get in the way, and simple ways to boost attention and follow-through.
Why don’t my kids listen to me—even to simple directions?
Active listening is a learned, brain-based skill. Kids need time, modeling, and practice. When the brain is dysregulated or distracted, directions don’t “land.”
Try this:
- Get attention first (eyes, shoulder touch), then give the direction.
- Keep it short and specific: “Shoes on, please.”
- Model presence—if we’re always on our phones, kids copy that split attention.
Real-life scenario: You ask, “Put your backpack on the hook.” Your child keeps walking. Pause, get eye contact, and calmly repeat once. Ask them to say it back so you know it stuck.
Could there be a clinical reason my child isn’t listening?
Yes. Conditions like ADHD, executive dysfunction, autism, anxiety, depression, or OCD can fill kids’ heads with worries. Or these make focus hard, so they aren’t truly “there” when you speak.
That’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain. Let’s calm the brain first. Consult a mental health professional if you suspect a deeper issue.
What helps right now:
- Co-regulate: your calm tone settles their nervous system.
- One step at a time—avoid stacking instructions.
- Routine = relief: predictable rhythms reduce cognitive load.
(Behavior is communication—and it’s gonna be OK.)
How long should I wait for my child to process instructions?
Give a 3–5 second pause after you speak. Many kids need that tiny “processing window.”
Make it stick:
- Direction → pause → “Tell me what you heard.”
- Use the same wording for recurring tasks (“Shoes-Snack-Homework”).
- Praise the process: “I love how you paused and listened.”
What if my child truly “can’t hear” me?
Sometimes kids miss information due to sensory issues. Or even tinnitus (ringing in the ears), which can occur with tick-borne infections.
If your child often says, “What?” and seems bothered by noise, check hearing and rule out medical issues. Meanwhile, keep directions brief and confirm understanding.
Quick tips:
- Reduce background noise (TV/music off).
- Stand on the same side as their stronger ear, if you know it.
- Use gestures to anchor meaning.
How do we build better listening—without screens and power struggles?
Mindfulness strengthens attention. Nature walks, breathwork, and biofeedback help kids slow down and tune in. Listening improves when the nervous system is calm and regulated.
At home:
- “Sound scavenger hunt” on a walk—name 5 things you hear.
- 1–2 minutes of belly breathing before homework.
- Consistent sleep, nutrition, and movement to support the brain.
Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?
Join the Dysregulation Insider VIP list and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit, designed to help you handle oppositional behaviors without losing it.
Download it now at www.drroseann.com/newsletter
🗣️ “Active listening is a process where you’re engaged and mindful—and kids get better at it when we model presence and give them time to process.”
— Dr. Roseann
Calm the Brain, Grow the Listener
Listening isn’t just “trying harder.” It’s a developmental, brain-based skill that grows with regulation, modeling, and practice.
Start small: get attention first, give one clear step, pause 3–5 seconds, and have them repeat it back. You’re not alone—and with a calmer brain, kids can learn to listen.
Next step: Grab the free Regulation Rescue Kit or explore related blogs on calming dysregulated brains.
Parent FAQs: Real Answers for When Your Child Doesn’t Listen
How do I stop repeating myself?
Get attention first, give one short direction, pause 3–5 seconds, then ask them to repeat it back. Consistency builds listening.
Is not listening the same as defiance?
Not always. Anxiety, ADHD, or overload can block processing. Assume dysregulation first, not willful disobedience.
What’s one daily habit that boosts listening?
Two minutes of mindful breathing before transitions (school, homework, bedtime).
Should I use consequences for “not listening”?
Use teaching before consequences. Coach the skill, then add logical follow-through if needed.
Not sure where to start?
Feel like you’ve tried everything and still don’t have answers? The Solution Matcher helps you find the best starting point based on your child’s symptoms and history. It’s fast, free, and based on decades of clinical expertise.
Start here: www.drroseann.com/help
Regulate. Connect. Correct.™ Parenting gets easier when you calm the brain first.
