When your child erupts, it can feel like you’re walking on eggshells and failing. You’re not alone. Meltdowns are signs of a dysregulated nervous system—not “bad behavior.” You’ll learn co-regulation basics and how to align with your partner. Understanding the first 60 seconds of a child’s meltdown can make all the difference in helping your child return to calm.
Why does my child melt down after school?
After-school is prime time for nervous systems that are exhausted or overstimulated. Your child isn’t choosing chaos; their brain is waving a white flag.
- Calm first: Pause. Breathe. Lower your voice and posture.
- Co-regulate: Model slow breathing, reduce demands, offer water/protein.
- Reinforce recovery: Praise any attempt to use a coping skill.
Example: Your 9-year-old slams the door and snaps. You say, “I’m calm, you’re safe. Sit with me, hand on belly—let’s count 4 in, 6 out.” Two minutes later, you can redirect.
How do I stay calm when I’m triggered, too?
Let’s calm the brain first—yours. You can’t correct what’s dysregulated.
- Put your oxygen mask on: Step away for 60–120 seconds if needed.
- Don’t go in hot: Irritated? Reset before re-entering.
- Scripts help: “You’re not in trouble; your brain is overwhelmed. I’m here.”
Yelling less and staying calm isn’t about being perfect—it’s about having the right tools.
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What is the CALMS Dysregulated Kid Parenting Protocol?
A repeatable sequence you can use for one-offs, phases, or chronic dysregulation.
- C – Co-Regulate First: You get calm; they borrow it.
- A – Avoid Personalizing Behavior: Their reaction isn’t about you—it’s communication.
- L – Look for Root Causes: Is the brain overstimulated, hungry, tired, or anxious?
- M – Model Coping Strategies: Show calm through breath, movement, or sensory input.
- S – Support and Reinforcement: Catch small wins fast and often.
For a deeper dive into what’s happening in your child’s brain during these moments, explore why meltdowns happen—a powerful episode unpacking the roots of dysregulation.
How do my spouse and I get on the same page?
Behavior is communication—not defiance. When both parents see dysregulation as a brain-based response, empathy rises and conflict falls.
- Agree on first moves: Regulate → Connect → Correct™.
- Unify language: “Safe. I’m here. Breathe with me.”
How do we reinforce so the brain chooses calm next time?
The brain learns by repetition and emotion. Frequent, small reinforcements wire in new patterns.
- Name the win: “You breathed when mad—that’s strength.”
- Rehearse when calm: Two-minute daily practice > crisis-only use.
🗣️ “The first step is to put your oxygen mask on first and co-regulate. Don’t go in hot.”
— Dr. Roseann
Your Next Small Step (You’ve Got This)
It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain. Start with CALMS, set tiny goals, and reinforce every effort. Behavior is communication. For more tools, explore co-regulation techniques.
Frequently Asked Questions About How to Handle a Meltdown
How do I handle a meltdown in public?
Get low, speak softly, and move to a quieter spot. Co-regulate first, teach later.
Is my teen choosing to be disrespectful?
Often, no, their nervous system is flooded. Set limits after regulation.
What if I lose my cool?
Repair matters. Apologize, model a redo, and reset together.
Feel like you’ve tried everything and still don’t have answers?
The Solution Matcher helps you find the best starting point based on your child’s symptoms, behaviors, and history.
It’s fast, free, and based on decades of clinical expertise.
Get your personalized plan now at www.drroseann.com/help
