As a parent, navigating the emotional landscapes of our children can sometimes feel overwhelming. There are moments when their feelings seem too big to handle, and we might find ourselves struggling to remain calm. That's where Coregulation strategies come into play. These strategies not only help your child manage their big feelings but also strengthen the bond between you and them. Here are my five favorite co-regulation techniques that you can implement easily and effectively.
As a parent, navigating the emotional landscapes of our children can sometimes feel overwhelming. There are moments when their feelings seem too big to handle, and we might find ourselves struggling to remain calm. That's where Coregulation strategies come into play. These strategies not only help your child manage their big feelings but also strengthen the bond between you and them. Here are my five favorite co-regulation techniques that you can implement easily and effectively.
1. Co-Breathing: A Simple Yet Powerful Tool
Let's start with one of the simplest yet most effective emotional coregulation techniques: co-breathing. This involves practicing breathing exercises together with your child. It might feel a bit awkward at first, but with regular practice, it can become a natural part of your routine. Think of it like brushing your teeth or getting ready for school. Incorporating breath work into your daily activities can significantly help in calming both you and your child.
When your child is feeling overwhelmed, you can say, “Let's breathe through it together.” This will automatically trigger your subconscious to help regulate emotions. The technique I recommend is the 4-7-8 breathing method, but you can also try box breathing or even bubble breathing for younger kids.
The key is to focus on diaphragmatic breathing, which pulls your nervous system from an activated state down to a calmer one. This technique helps children focus on their bodies rather than their stress, fostering a sense of connection and trust between you.
2. Mirroring Calm Behavior
Another effective co-regulation strategy is mirroring calm behavior. When your child is upset, observe how they are moving and try to match their behavior with calmness. For example, if they're tense or agitated, you can adopt a more relaxed posture and speak softly. This strategy helps to create a non-confrontational environment that encourages your child to mirror your calmness.
Remember, when you’re in a situation where a child is acting out, it’s crucial to turn your body at an angle rather than confronting them directly. Use encouraging language to validate their feelings, like saying, “I see that it's hard for you right now.” This not only helps to de-escalate the situation but also makes your child feel seen and heard, which is incredibly important in building emotional regulation skills.
3. The Power of Physical Contact
Physical contact can be a powerful tool in co-regulation. Simple gestures like a hug, holding hands, or even a gentle touch on the arm can provide comfort and reassurance to your child when they are feeling dysregulated. In my family, we often use hugs as a way to reconnect when emotions run high. When my son would get upset, I would say, “Hold on, let me give you a hug,” and it worked wonders.
Physical contact isn't about rewarding behavior; it's about expressing love and support. If your child is open to it, don’t hesitate to offer that comforting touch. It can make a world of difference in helping them feel secure and calm.
4. Creating Rhythm in Motion
Another effective co-regulation technique is introducing rhythm into your interactions. This could be as simple as swaying together, walking in a rhythmic pattern, or even dancing to music. When you engage in rhythmic activities, it can help break the cycle of dysregulation and promote a sense of calm.
For instance, when my kids were younger, we would put on some fun music and sway together. Even now, with my teenager, we often engage in a little dance party in the living room. This not only lightens the mood but also fosters connection and helps them self-regulate through movement.
5. Verbal Co-Regulation: Encouraging Dialogue
Finally, we come to verbal co-regulation. This involves using language to help cue your child to regulate their emotions. You can say things like, “Let's breathe together,” or offer affirmations like, “You did such a great job yesterday!” This kind of positive reinforcement opens up a dialogue about their feelings and encourages them to express themselves.
When children feel safe to share their emotions, it can lead to surprising insights. You may discover what they were really feeling during a difficult moment, which can be both enlightening and emotional for parents. Engaging in these conversations can help your child learn to articulate their feelings better and develop healthier emotional responses.
Your Next Steps to Co-Regulation
Co-regulation is a powerful tool that can transform your relationship with your child. It’s about consistency and practice—aim for at least 10 minutes a day, and don’t worry about being perfect. The goal is to create a safe environment where your child can learn to manage their emotions effectively. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey—building a support network is essential. If you’d like more resources, feel free to check out my website for a variety of solutions tailored to your needs.
Citations
Heatherton T. F. (2011). Neuroscience of self and self-regulation. Annual review of psychology, 62, 363–390. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.121208.131616
Lobo, F. M., & Lunkenheimer, E. (2020). Understanding the parent-child coregulation patterns shaping child self-regulation. Developmental psychology, 56(6), 1121–1134. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000926
Paley, B., & Hajal, N. J. (2022). Conceptualizing Emotion Regulation and Coregulation as Family-Level Phenomena. Clinical child and family psychology review, 25(1), 19–43. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-022-00378-4
Dr. Roseann is a mental health expert in Self-Regulation who frequently is in the media:
- Healthline Understanding Self-Regulation Skills
- Scary Mommy What Is Self-Regulation In Children, And How Can You Help Improve It?
- The Warrior Parent Podcast It's Gonna Be OK! Changing Behaviors and Responses (And The Magic of Magnesium)In Your Family with Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge
Always remember… “Calm Brain, Happy Family™”
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regime. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment vary by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC does not guarantee certain results.
Are you looking for SOLUTIONS for your struggling child or teen?
Dr. Roseann and her team are all about science-backed solutions, so you are in the right place!
©Roseann Capanna-Hodge 2025
Dr. Roseann is a Children’s Mental Health Expert and Licensed Therapist who has been featured in/on hundreds of media outlets including The Mel Robbins Show, CBS, NBC, PIX11 NYC, Today, FORBES, CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Business Insider, Women’s Day, Healthline, CNET, Parade Magazine and PARENTS. FORBES called her, “A thought leader in children’s mental health.”
She coined the terms, “Re-entry panic syndrome” and “eco-anxiety” and is a frequent contributor to media on mental health.
Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge has three decades of experience in working with children, teens and their families with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, concussion, dyslexia and learning disability, anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), depression and mood disorder, Lyme Disease, and PANS/PANDAS using science-backed natural mental health solutions such as supplements, magnesium, nutrition, QEEG Brain maps, neurofeedback, PEMF, psychotherapy and other non-medication approaches.
She is the author of three bestselling books, It’s Gonna Be OK!: Proven Ways to Improve Your Child's Mental Health, The Teletherapy Toolkit, and Brain Under Attack. Dr. Roseann is known for offering a message of hope through science-endorsed methods that promote a calm brain.
Her trademarked BrainBehaviorResetⓇ Program and It’s Gonna be OK!Ⓡ Podcast has been a cornerstone for thousands of parents facing mental health, behavioral or neurodevelopmental challenges.
She is the founder and director of The Global Institute of Children’s Mental Health, Neurotastic™Brain Formulas and Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC. Dr. Roseann is a Board Certified Neurofeedback (BCN) Practitioner, a Board Member of the Northeast Region Biofeedback Society (NRBS), Certified Integrative Mental Health Professional (CIMHP) and an Amen Clinic Certified Brain Health Coach. She is also a member of The International Lyme Disease and Associated Disease Society (ILADS), The American Psychological Association (APA), Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) National Association of School Psychologists (NASP), International OCD Foundation (IOCDF).
© Roseann-Capanna-Hodge, LLC 2025
