I promised myself I wouldn’t yell… and then I did. If you’ve ever felt that gut-punch after losing it with your child—again—you’re not alone. I’ve been there too.
As a mom and therapist, I know how exhausting it is to parent a child who’s constantly melting down or talking back. But here’s the good news: you can learn to respond, not react—and it starts with calming your own brain first.
In this episode, I open up about what really drives those parenting blow-ups and how to calm your own nervous system first—so you can show up for your child with more calm, compassion, and confidence.
Why do I lose it when I swore I wouldn’t?
Even when we know better, sometimes our nervous system doesn’t. Our stress response kicks in, hijacks our rational brain, and suddenly we’re reacting—not responding.
That’s what happened to me on a day that started with a broken air conditioner and ended with a wrong pizza order. What set me off wasn’t the pizza—it was my empty stomach, my frayed nerves, and the fact that I didn’t take time to regulate.
We all have triggers. Sometimes it’s noise, sometimes it’s feeling disrespected, or simply being worn too thin. When we’re running on empty, the little things feel huge.
What can I do instead of yelling?
I get this question all the time. The truth is, it starts with calming your nervous system. That means:
- Taking a pause, even just to breathe.
- Saying out loud, “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I need a minute to calm myself.”
- Reminding yourself, “This isn’t misbehavior—it’s dysregulation.”
I often say to myself, “My calm is their calm.” When my kids are dysregulated, it’s not my job to match their energy. It’s my job to bring the calm. That’s not easy—but it is possible with practice.
Want to stay calm when your child pushes every button?
Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit—your step-by-step guide to stop oppositional behaviors without yelling or giving in.
Go to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and grab your kit today.
How do I stop the reactivity cycle in parenting?
It comes down to awareness. I’ve learned to notice the signs that I’m headed toward a meltdown: clenched teeth, shallow breathing, skipping meals. That’s when I know it’s time to step back.
Some of the best ways I regulate include:
- Movement: Even just a few squats or stretching.
- Hot/cold therapy: I use a heated neck wrap—my kids tease me, but it works!
- Quick phrases that interrupt the cycle, like: “I will not lose my stuff.”
It’s not about perfection. It’s about progress—and learning to hit the pause button before things escalate.
What should I do after I’ve already blown up?
- Reflect with self-compassion: Ask, “Was I hungry? Tired? Triggered? Overwhelmed?”
- Model accountability: Say, “I’m sorry I lost my temper. That’s on me.”
- Focus on emotional repair:
- “We’re both losing it—what can we do to stop this?”
- “I love you. You’re safe. I’m learning, just like you.”
Even toddlers understand phrases like “My brain feels hot.” Kids learn emotional regulation skills when we model repair and reflection.
How do I rebuild trust and connection with my dysregulated child?
- Apologize with empathy: It shows your child that it’s okay to make mistakes and come back to love.
- Don’t normalize constant conflict: Show your child that healthy relationships have ups and downs, not constant chaos.
- Build emotional development and self-esteem through your own modeling of calm, boundaries, and care.
🗣️ “You don’t have to be a perfect parent. You just need to regulate first and respond with love.” —Dr. Roseann
If you’re ready to take action today, grab my Quick Calm Toolkit—it’s just $19 and gives you seven days of simple strategies to start calming your child’s brain (and yours too).
Tired of not knowing what’s really going on with your child? The Solution Matcher gives you a personalized recommendation based on your child’s behavior, not just a label.
It’s free, takes just a few minutes, and shows you the best next step. Go to www.drroseann.com/help
FAQs
Why do I get so triggered by my child’s behavior?
When we feel out of control inside, even small things can feel huge. Parental dysregulation is common—especially if you didn’t learn emotion regulation skills growing up. Your child’s reactions may mirror your own unprocessed feelings.
What are signs of a dysregulated parent?
If you’re yelling, shutting down, or feeling constant guilt or shame after interactions, your nervous system may be dysregulated. It’s not weakness—it’s a signal your body needs more support, tools, and emotional space.
How do my parenting behaviors affect my child’s emotional dysregulation?
Your reactions shape your child’s nervous system. Yelling or over-explaining may escalate dysregulation. Calm, consistent responses model regulation—and help your child feel safe enough to settle down.
Can dysregulated parents raise emotionally healthy kids?
Yes—but it starts with you. When you learn to regulate your own emotions, your child learns by example. You don’t have to be perfect—you just have to be present, self-aware, and committed to doing better.
