Estimated Reading Time: 6 minutes
When your child melts down every morning before school, it’s not just resistance, it’s distress.
If you’re battling tears, stomachaches, or “I can’t do it” mornings, you’re not alone.
School refusal and anxiety are rising at an alarming rate, leaving parents exhausted and unsure what to do. In this episode, Dr. Roseann is breaking down what school refusal really is and shares practical, science-backed strategies to help your child get back to learning, calmly and confidently.
Why is my child suddenly refusing to go to school?
School refusal rarely happens overnight, it creeps up. What starts as mild worry or morning resistance can quickly spiral into full-blown avoidance.
Note that this pattern usually signals a dysregulated nervous system, not willful behavior.
Common root causes include:
- Anxiety, depression, OCD, or PANS/PANDAS flare-ups
- Bullying or social stressors that make school feel unsafe
- Learning challenges or sensory overload that cause shutdown
- Post-illness or medical fatigue that makes attending overwhelming
The key is to look beneath the behavior. A straight-A student may appear fine one semester and crumble the next because their internal stress bucket finally overflowed.
What are the first steps when school refusal starts?
Parents often focus on getting their child physically back to school, but forcing attendance rarely works if the nervous system isn’t calm.
Start by addressing the root cause:
- Schedule a check-in with your child’s provider to rule out physical and emotional triggers.
- Create a safe, non-judgmental space for your child to share feelings (“Help me understand what feels hard about school right now”).
- Remember: Progress is not linear. Some days will be better than others.
How can I calm my child’s anxiety before school?
When the brain is stuck in “fight, flight, or freeze,” logic shuts down. Helping your child regulate first changes everything.
Try these simple tools:
- Breathwork: Practice the 4-7-8 breathing method together every morning.
- EFT tapping: Gentle acupressure points can reduce anxiety in minutes.
- Morning regulation ritual: Ten minutes of stretching, music, or outdoor time before leaving.
- Parent co-regulation: Your calm body cues your child’s body that it’s safe.
When your child’s nervous system calms, the school day feels less like a mountain to climb.
How can schools partner with parents during school refusal?
You shouldn’t have to do this alone and schools play a big role in helping kids return successfully.
This is what I recommend:
- Open communication: Share what’s happening at home; don’t hide information out of fear.
- Collaborative planning: Work with staff to create a gradual reintegration plan, start small, build wins.
- Advocacy: Ask, “What supports can you provide so my child feels safe?”
- Professional support: Bring in a trusted mental-health specialist to guide next steps.
One parent I worked with fought to keep her child home temporarily while treating an underlying PANS condition. Once the brain calmed, that same child reintegrated smoothly with the right plan and supports.
🗣️ “Mental health is the foundation of physical health. We wouldn’t ignore cancer—so we can’t ignore anxiety or depression either.”
— Dr. Roseann
The bottom line
School refusal is a symptom, not a choice. When parents and schools address what’s really happening inside a child’s brain, healing begins and confidence follows.
You’re doing your best, and there are real solutions that work. As I always say, It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain. And it’s gonna be OK.
FAQs
What percentage of kids experience school refusal?
Between 2 and 5 percent of school-age children struggle with school refusal at some point—often triggered by anxiety or medical issues.
Can high-achieving kids still experience school refusal?
Absolutely. Even straight-A students can hit emotional overload when perfectionism, anxiety, or burnout set in.
How long does recovery take?
It varies. With the right plan, most children improve within weeks or months, especially when families focus on calming the brain first.
Should I force my child to go to school?
No. Forcing can backfire. Instead, collaborate with your child and school on a gradual return plan that feels safe.
When should I seek professional help?
If refusal lasts more than two weeks, or your child shows distress (panic, stomach pain, depression), seek a licensed mental-health professional.
Next Step:
Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get the FREE Regulation Rescue Kit—your step-by-step guide to stop oppositional behaviors without yelling or giving in.
👉 Go to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and grab your kit today.
