Is your child's behavior out of control? Their dysregulated nervous system could be in charge. Understanding what happens to the nervous system when you have a dysregulated child—whether they're under-stimulated or overstimulated—helps you to reframe what is really going on with your kids. It may be a clinical issue, or it may not be, but when we better understand what happens to the nervous system under real or perceived stress, you can be better equipped to support your child.
In today's world, many parents feel overwhelmed. Research shows that 40% of parents are so overwhelmed they feel shut down, while 48% feel they are struggling. It's no surprise that many parents are concerned about their child's mental health. So, let's dive into what nervous system dysregulation really is.
Understanding Nervous System Dysregulation
Nervous system dysregulation can occur for various reasons, but essentially, it's when the nervous system either moves into an under-stimulated state or an overstimulated state. Under-stimulation can show as sluggish processing, where kids may not hear you when you call their name multiple times, experience low motivation, or seem unresponsive.
On the other hand, overstimulation can manifest as irritation, anger, meltdowns, and explosive emotional reactions. These behaviors are common across all age groups, including young adults.
At the core of this is our autonomic nervous system, which is in charge of the brain's stress response. It reacts to perceived threats, whether real or imagined. When we are relaxed, we are in a parasympathetic state—often referred to as the “rest and digest” mode. When activated, however, our body shifts into a sympathetic dominant state, triggering the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses.
Signs of a Dysregulated Nervous System
So, what are the signs of a dysregulated nervous system? Concerns about clinical issue like ADHD often stem from symptoms like:
- Difficulties with focus
- Problems starting or completing tasks
- Social struggles, which could indicate non-verbal learning disorder or autism
While these clinical issues may be present, it's essential to recognize that many behaviors actually result from nervous system dysregulation. Each behavior maps to a specific part of the brain, and reframing these behaviors as dysregulation can lead to effective support strategies.
Real-Life Impacts of Nervous System Dysregulation By Age and Area
The impact of chronic nervous system dysregulation on daily life is substantial. It can affect every area of learning—social, emotional, and academic—because an under-stimulated or overstimulated nervous system puts the body in a state that is not optimal for learning.
Nervous System Dysregulation and Young Children: Preschool and Early Childhood
Home Life:
- Frequent tantrums and meltdowns.
- Difficulty following simple routines, like bedtime or meals.
- Resistance to transitions, leading to heightened stress for parents.
Social:
- Struggles to share, take turns, or engage in cooperative play.
- Overreacting to minor conflicts with peers.
- Avoidance of group activities due to sensory overload.
Academics/School:
- Limited attention span in early learning activities.
- Difficulty sitting still or engaging in structured activities.
- Sensory processing challenges, such as aversion to loud noises or bright lights.
Nervous System Dysregulation and School-Age Children
Home Life:
- Reactive behaviors, such as yelling or slamming doors.
- Resistance to homework or chores, often leading to conflicts.
- Increased family tension due to impulsivity or frequent arguments.
Social:
- Difficulty making or keeping friends due to impulsivity or overreactions.
- Misunderstood by peers as “troublesome” or “difficult.”
- Exclusion from group activities or social circles.
Academics/School:
- Difficulty focusing during lessons, leading to incomplete assignments.
- Overwhelmed by transitions between classes or activities.
- Frequent disruptions in the classroom due to emotional outbursts.
Nervous System Dysregulation and Teens or Adolescents
Home Life:
- Withdrawal from family interactions, leading to feelings of isolation.
- Escalated arguments, often over perceived small issues.
- Increased parental stress from managing ongoing emotional volatility.
Social:
- Difficulty navigating complex social dynamics, leading to misunderstandings.
- Risk of being labeled as “moody” or “unpredictable” by peers.
- Struggles with rejection sensitivity, heightening emotional responses.
Academics/School:
- Procrastination or avoidance of schoolwork due to overwhelm.
- Difficulty meeting deadlines or following multi-step assignments.
- Increased risk of academic decline due to chronic stress or lack of focus.
Additionally, external factors like dietary restrictions, sensory processing issues, or parental dysregulation can exacerbate these problems. A parent under stress can inadvertently contribute to their child's dysregulation, illustrating the importance of a family ecosystem that supports emotional well-being.
By recognizing these effects and addressing nervous system dysregulation holistically, families can create an environment where children feel supported emotionally, socially, and academically.
Strategies for Supporting a Dysregulated Nervous System
So, what can parents do? Our CALMS Dysregulated Kid Parenting Protocol simplifies this process into five steps:
C: Co-regulate
Co-regulation is crucial. Parents need to model calmness and patience for their children. Slowing down and taking care of your own nervous system allows you to respond more effectively to your child's needs.
A: Avoid Personalizing
It's important not to personalize your child's behavior. Recognize that their actions are often a response to their state of dysregulation rather than a direct affront to you.
L: Look for Root Causes
Understanding the root causes of your child's behavior is essential. This requires a scientific approach to identify what is triggering their dysregulation.
M: Model Coping Skills
Modeling coping skills is critical. Demonstrate how to manage stress and emotional responses effectively, showing your child how to navigate their feelings.
S: Support and Reinforcement
Finally, support and reinforce positive behaviors. When children see consistent recognition for their efforts to regulate their emotions, they're more likely to continue those behaviors.
Your Next Steps for a Dysregulated Nervous System
In summary, understanding and addressing a dysregulated nervous system in children can lead to significant improvements in their behavior and emotional well-being. By implementing the CALMS protocol and focusing on co-regulation, parents can create a supportive environment that fosters emotional resilience. Remember, you are the magic wand in your child's journey toward better emotional regulation.
For more resources and support, consider exploring our Dysregulated Behavior in Kids page, where you can find valuable insights and tools to help your family thrive.
Dr. Roseann is a mental health expert in Self-Regulation who frequently is in the media:
- Healthline Understanding Self-Regulation Skills
- Scary Mommy What Is Self-Regulation In Children, And How Can You Help Improve It?
- The Warrior Parent Podcast It's Gonna Be OK! Changing Behaviors and Responses (And The Magic of Magnesium)In Your Family with Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge
Always remember… “Calm Brain, Happy Family™”
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regime. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment vary by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC does not guarantee certain results.
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Dr. Roseann is a Children’s Mental Health Expert and Licensed Therapist who has been featured in/on hundreds of media outlets including The Mel Robbins Show, CBS, NBC, PIX11 NYC, Today, FORBES, CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Business Insider, Women’s Day, Healthline, CNET, Parade Magazine and PARENTS. FORBES called her, “A thought leader in children’s mental health.”
She coined the terms, “Re-entry panic syndrome” and “eco-anxiety” and is a frequent contributor to media on mental health.
Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge has three decades of experience in working with children, teens and their families with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, concussion, dyslexia and learning disability, anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), depression and mood disorder, Lyme Disease, and PANS/PANDAS using science-backed natural mental health solutions such as supplements, magnesium, nutrition, QEEG Brain maps, neurofeedback, PEMF, psychotherapy and other non-medication approaches.
She is the author of three bestselling books, It’s Gonna Be OK!: Proven Ways to Improve Your Child's Mental Health, The Teletherapy Toolkit, and Brain Under Attack. Dr. Roseann is known for offering a message of hope through science-endorsed methods that promote a calm brain.
Her trademarked BrainBehaviorResetⓇ Program and It’s Gonna be OK!Ⓡ Podcast has been a cornerstone for thousands of parents facing mental health, behavioral or neurodevelopmental challenges.
She is the founder and director of The Global Institute of Children’s Mental Health, Neurotastic™Brain Formulas and Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC. Dr. Roseann is a Board Certified Neurofeedback (BCN) Practitioner, a Board Member of the Northeast Region Biofeedback Society (NRBS), Certified Integrative Mental Health Professional (CIMHP) and an Amen Clinic Certified Brain Health Coach. She is also a member of The International Lyme Disease and Associated Disease Society (ILADS), The American Psychological Association (APA), Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) National Association of School Psychologists (NASP), International OCD Foundation (IOCDF).
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