Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
When your child melts down, shuts down, or reacts in ways that feel way bigger than the situation, it can leave you exhausted, confused, and wondering what you’re doing wrong. You’re not alone—and it’s not bad parenting. It’s a dysregulated brain calling for help.
In this episode, I break down why dysregulation happens, how it affects behavior and learning, and the simple, practical self-regulation strategies that help kids (and parents) finally find calm again. You’ll learn what’s really going on inside your child’s nervous system, why modeling matters, and how small, consistent steps make a world of difference.
Why does my child go into fight-flight-freeze over everyday stress?
When the nervous system flips into sympathetic dominance—what I call a “brain on fire”—the body interprets even minor stress as danger. That’s why a simple request like putting on shoes or turning off a device can create a tidal wave of emotion.
What this looks like in kids:
- Quick irritability or explosive reactions
- Emotional flooding over tiny triggers
- Sensory overwhelm
- Trouble focusing or shifting gears
Parent Story
One parent told me her daughter seemed “possessed by stress”—fine one minute, spiraling the next. Once we focused on calming the nervous system, the outbursts softened dramatically.
Takeaways
- A dysregulated nervous system cannot learn or adapt effectively
- Calm the brain first, then skill-building becomes possible
- Behavior is communication from a stressed brain
How can I help my child self-regulate when they can’t control their reactions?
Kids don’t learn self-regulation by being told to “calm down.” They learn it by seeing it in us.
And yes—this can be hard when your nervous system is fried, too.
Parent tools that work:
- Model the behavior you want — slow breathing, lowered voice, soft body language
- Praise attempts, not perfection (“I noticed you tried to lower your voice—thank you.”)
- Reinforce successes in the moment
- Shift from correcting to shaping behavior
Imagine your child yelling. Instead of matching their intensity, picture yourself becoming the calmest person in the room. That co-regulation is what rewires the brain.
Why it matters: Your calm becomes their calm. It’s Regulation First Parenting™ in action.
Yelling less and staying calm isn’t about being perfect—it’s about having the right tools.
Join the Dysregulation Insider VIP list and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit, designed to help you handle oppositional behaviors without losing it.
Download it now at www.drroseann.com/newsletter
How do I validate my child’s emotions without over-accommodating?
Parents often swing between two extremes: being overly comforting or shutting the emotions down. Neither helps the brain learn emotional balance.
Instead, the goal is validation without accommodation:
- “I get that this feels hard.”
- “I believe you can handle this.”
- “I’m right here with you.”
Tips
- Don’t change the whole routine to avoid a feeling
- Don’t rescue from discomfort
- Do acknowledge the struggle and prompt the brain toward success
This teaches the brain: Emotions aren’t dangerous. I can move through them.
What sensory strategies help prevent meltdowns before they start?
Kids with sensory processing challenges need proactive regulation—not reactive scrambling once they’re already overwhelmed.
Helpful sensory supports:
- Predict transitions
- Minimize sensory chaos when possible
- Build in movement or deep pressure
- Partner with an occupational therapist when needed
Roleplaying social situations through drawing, storytelling, or tools like Canva or PicTello helps kids practice responses before they need them.
One child I worked with became significantly more confident after roleplaying “What to do when someone bumps me at recess”—just that practice lowered his daily stress.
🗣️ “No learning, healing, or emotional growth can occur when the nervous system is dysregulated. Calm the brain first—then everything else becomes possible.” — Dr. Roseann
Takeaway
Your child isn’t being difficult on purpose. Their nervous system is overwhelmed—and once we support regulation, behavior, attention, and emotional flexibility start to shift. You’re not alone, and it is going to be OK.
FAQs
How do I know if my child is dysregulated or just misbehaving?
Dysregulation looks like big emotions, quick reactions, or shutting down. It’s a brain-based stress response—not a choice.
Can modeling calm really help my child?
Yes. Kids regulate through co-regulation. Your calm cues their nervous system to soften.
Do I need an OT for sensory issues?
Not always, but an OT can provide personalized sensory strategies that make daily life easier.
What’s one thing I can start today?
Practice your regulation—slow breathing, soft voice, steady presence.
Tired of not knowing what’s really going on with your child?
The Solution Matcher gives you a personalized recommendation based on your child’s behavior, not just a label. It’s free, takes just a few minutes, and shows you the best next step.
Go to www.drroseann.com/help
