I know how exhausting it is when your bright, sensitive kid can’t pump the brakes. That’s why I invited Kate Coffey, LCSW—one of our amazing clinicians in the BrainBehaviorReset® program and a parent who’s personally walked this journey with her own twice-exceptional child. Kate has worked extensively in schools and private practice, and she’s deeply trained in Somatic Experiencing® (SE) with over a decade of experience helping dysregulated kids and families reconnect, regulate, and thrive. She’s our go-to expert when kids (and parents) feel stuck and need gentle, body-based tools that actually work.
How do I know if this is ADHD dysregulation or just “normal kid behavior”?
Look for patterns and intensity. Kids who are dysregulated show out-of-proportion reactions, difficulty initiating tasks, and need frequent redirection.
Try this:
- Notice triggers (noise, transitions, hunger).
- Track patterns for a week.
- Use co-regulation first—your calm leads their calm
Parent example: “When mornings were loud, Max went from 0→100. We added a quiet start + sensory break and mornings shifted.”
What’s the fastest way to calm ADHD brain during a meltdown?
Go body before words. A dysregulated brain can’t process lectures.
Try this:
- Grounding: feet flat, press palms, slow exhale (4–6 count).
- Orienting: gently look for five calm things in the room.
- Pressure + pause: firm hug or weighted lap pillow, then speak one short sentence
Why it works: Bottom-up cues quiet the limbic “alarm,” opening the door for connection and thinking.
My child is gifted and explosive—how do I support a 2e kid?
High IQ ≠ high brakes. 2e (twice-exceptional) kids—and other bright learners—often feel more and struggle to downshift.
Try this:
- Micro-routines: predictability lowers threat.
- Choice of two: autonomy calms.
- Somatic contrast: 10 seconds “fast body,” then exaggerated slow body to teach felt differences.
Example: A 2e teen practiced “slow body + long exhale” before homework; explosions dropped and task-start improved.
What is somatic experiencing—and how can it help?
Somatic experiencing is a gentle therapy that teaches children to tune into body sensations, not just emotions. Many ADHD kids can’t process feelings yet—but they can feel where their body holds stress.
When they learn to notice and release that tension, they build self-regulation. Over time, kids discover:
- “My chest feels tight—I need a break.”
- “My legs feel wiggly—I can shake it out.
These small awareness moments add up to lasting calm.
How do I stay calm when my child pushes every button?
Regulate → Connect → Correct. That’s my Regulation First Parenting™ sequence.
Try this:
- Anchor phrase: “I can be the calm.”
- Grounding ritual: every sit-down starts with feet-root visualization.
- Post-event repair: brief review + one next step.
Remember: When you model regulation, your child borrows your nervous system.
🗣️ “You can’t build when somebody is disconnected and dysregulated—that’s why we calm the brain first.” — Dr. Roseann
When your child is dysregulated, it’s easy to feel helpless. The Regulation Rescue Kit gives you the scripts and strategies you need to stay grounded and in control. Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and get your free kit today.
Calming comes before coping. When we calm ADHD brain, connection grows and skills finally stick. For a deeper dive into brain-based tools, listen next to “Neurofeedback for ADHD.” You’re not alone. Let’s calm the brain first—it’s gonna be OK.
FAQs
How do I calm my child without giving in?
Co-regulate first (breath, grounding), then offer one clear choice of two. Calm isn’t caving; it’s creating safety so skills can work.
What if school doesn’t “get it”?
Share simple supports: sensory breaks, clear routines, and co-regulation language. Ask for a 504 plan if needed.
Do natural approaches actually work?
Yes—when you use them consistently and in the right order (regulate first). Stack lifestyle, brain-based tools, and skill-building.
Not sure where to start?
Take the guesswork out of helping your child. Use my free Solution Matcher to get a personalized plan for your child’s needs. Start here: www.drroseann.com/help
