Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
Ever feel like emotions are taking over, leaving you or your child feeling totally out of control? You’re not alone. I’ve got 10 self-regulation strategies that can turn those big, overwhelming feelings into moments you can actually manage.
From calming a racing heart to bouncing back from frustration, these tools will boost your child's confidence and help them keep their calm in any situation or challenges life throws at them.
What is the Importance of Learning and Developing Self-Regulation Skills?
Self-regulation skills are a cornerstone for thriving—not just in school but in life. Here’s how self-regulation supports a child’s overall well-being:
- Builds self-control and strengthens belief in one’s abilities
- Helps children manage emotions and behaviors in healthy ways
- Boosts mood and emotional resilience
- Sets the foundation for long-term success in life and learning
- Improves academic performance and focus
- Enhances peer relationships and social connections (McClelland et al., 2007)
- Reduces emotional struggles and behavioral challenges
For kids with ADHD, dyslexia, autism, anxiety, or OCD, developing these skills isn’t always straightforward. Taylor was one of those kids—he seemed to have every clinical diagnosis under the sun, including ADHD, ODD, dyslexia, anxiety, and disruptive mood disorder. By the time he entered our BrainBehaviorReset™ Program, things were at a crisis level because he was just a dysregulated kid all the time.
What are the Signs of Emotional Dysregulation in Children?
Emotional dysregulation refers to difficulties in managing emotional responses, which is common in kids with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or those who have experienced trauma. In the case of Taylor, his QEEG Brain Map showed that brain dysregulation was a driver of his behavioral dysregulation. The root cause was identified as PANS/PANDAS, requiring a combination of medical treatment, behavioral support, neurofeedback, and CALM PEMF™ therapy.
Dysregulated kids can display a range of symptoms from internalizing behaviors to externalizing behaviors, with the latter more likely to be identified and receive help. And when we treat dysregulation like it’s just a behavior problem, we miss the bigger picture.
These aren’t just “bad days” or “bad attitudes”—they’re cries from a brain in distress. Calming the brain first changes everything.
Children with emotional dysregulation may show:
1. Intense Emotional Responses
- Big emotional outbursts or meltdowns
- Mood swings or rapid emotional shifts
- Overreacting to small or everyday problems
2. Difficulty Managing Emotions
- Trouble calming down after becoming upset
- Struggles with processing frustration or disappointment
- Easily overwhelmed by negative emotions
3. Behavioral Challenges
- Frequent tantrums
- Impulsivity or acting without thinking
- Aggressive or disruptive behavior
4. Cognitive and Executive Functioning Struggles
- Difficulty maintaining focus or attention
- Trouble with transitions or shifting between tasks
- Inflexibility with routines or rule-following
5. Social Difficulties
- Trouble sharing, waiting, or taking turns
- Difficulty interpreting or responding to emotional cues
- Struggles with peer relationships
6. Internalizing Symptoms
- Excessive worry or fear about everyday situations
- Sadness, withdrawal, or loss of interest in activities
- Crying frequently or appearing emotionally flat
7. Compulsive and Repetitive Behaviors
- Repeated checking, counting, or cleaning
- Rigid routines or rituals
8. Concerning or High-Risk Behaviors
- Talking about self-harm or wanting to hurt themselves
- Engaging in self-injury
How Do I Help My Child Understand Intense Emotions?
Children often feel emotions like anger, sadness, or fear with an intensity that can knock you sideways—and let’s be real, most parents weren’t taught how to handle that growing up either.
- Normalize big emotions: Start by reminding your child that it’s perfectly okay to feel deeply. Let your child know that big emotions are part of being human. That alone helps calm the nervous system.
- Model healthy coping: Show them simple, healthy ways to get through it instead of getting pulled under.
- Explicitly teach coping skills: Dysregulated kids like Taylor have such low frustration tolerance levels that need to be directly taught and reinforced how to manage uncomfortable emotions, thoughts and sensations.
What is the Role of Parents and Caregivers in Teaching and Modeling Self-Regulation?
As a parent or caregiver, you are your child’s most powerful teacher and role model when it comes to self-regulation. When you model self-regulation—pausing to breathe, using calm words, staying steady in hard moments—you’re not just telling your child what to do, you’re showing them how it’s done.
I know, I know, this is easier said than done… but you can do it. You just need the right science-backed methods. That is a lot of what we talk about on my It’s Gonna Be OK! Podcast and in our Natural Solutions Parent Community.
Model calm behavior during stress by using deep breathing and positive self-talk, and encourage your child to do the same. Praise their efforts, even small ones, to build confidence and reinforce progress. For kids like Taylor, consistent support and brain training can make a lasting difference.
What are the 10 Strategies for Helping Your Child Practice Self-Regulation?
- Listening: Active listening helps children grasp expectations and social cues. Encourage practice during conversations, reading time, or while giving task instructions.
- Goal-setting: Setting small, achievable goals teaches kids how to stay focused and build confidence. Celebrate progress to reinforce positive habits.
- Self-monitoring: Tools like emotion journals or visual charts help children become more aware of their behaviors and feelings, a critical step toward self-regulation.
- Effective use of self-instructions or self-talk: Teach calming, positive phrases like “I can handle this” or “Let me take a breath.” These give kids the inner language to guide their actions.
- Self-reinforcement: Rewarding themselves for positive behavior fosters emotional independence. Simple rewards, like praise or extra playtime, can have a big impact.
- Mindfulness and meditation: These practices help children stay present and respond thoughtfully, not react impulsively. You may start with short breathing exercises or guided meditations.
- Deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation: These techniques manage stress and bring calm. Deep breathing engages relaxation, while muscle relaxation eases physical tension.
- The “Stop, Think, Do” strategy: This strategy encourages children to pause and consider their response before acting impulsively. It fosters problem-solving skills, increases distress tolerance, and promotes better decision making (Peterson, 1995).
- Regular physical activity: Movement boosts mood and executive functioning, supports brain health, and helps with self-regulation. Activities like yoga or martial arts also build discipline and focus.
- Play Self-Regulation Games: Games that challenge impulse control and encourage turn-taking are fun ways to reinforce coping skills in real-life moments.
The secret to building self-regulation? Patience, practice, and celebrating the small wins that keep your child feeling confident and capable.
What is the Role of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in Self-Regulation?
Children with ADHD often struggle with self-regulation. Difficulties in attention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity tend to make it even more challenging for them. But let’s get this straight—ADHD should not be seen as a problem preventing them from learning these skills.
Think about it: with steady routines, clear expectations, and breaks, kids can really start mastering those skills. Positive reinforcement helps too. Rewarding progress motivates them, like adding a gold star to a growing collection.
Remember, it’s all about providing the right tools, support, and time for your child to succeed. Calming the brain unlocks potential.
What are Behavioral Self-Regulation Techniques for Children?
Behavioral self-regulation techniques provide kids with the tools to manage their behavior, even when things get chaotic. Think of it as giving them a set of resources to stay grounded when emotions or impulses take over.
- Self-monitoring: Teach your child to tune into their actions and understand how they affect their surroundings.
- Goal-setting: Picture it like drawing a roadmap to guide them toward success.
- Self-reinforcement: A little reward when they make progress to motivate them. That little boost works wonders in keeping motivation high.
- Executive functioning: Teach your child how to organize, plan, and follow through on tasks. This structure and support empower them to take charge of their behavior and emotions.
And don’t forget: calming the brain is the foundation. Once that’s in place, everything else naturally falls into place.
What are the 5 Emotional Self-Regulation Techniques for Children?
Emotional self-regulation is something every child can totally learn. It’s all about giving them the tools they need to understand their feelings and deal with tough emotions without getting overwhelmed.- Self-Awareness Practices: Guide your child to tune into how their body reacts when emotions rise—tight shoulders, a racing heart, that kind of thing. Recognizing these cues is the first step to emotional mastery.
- Self-Talk: Teach them to use powerful words like, “I’ve got this,” when emotions start to take the lead. Trust me — the power of a few positive words can completely transform their confidence.
- Visualization Techniques: When things get chaotic, their mind can be their safe space. Help them picture a calm, peaceful place and let that mental image work its magic.
- Expressing Emotions: Teaching your child how to express their feelings clearly is key. Using “I feel” statements or journaling can help them process emotions in a healthy, constructive way.
- Emotion Regulation Skills: Show them simple strategies like deep breathing or distraction when emotions start to peak. These act as their personal safety net when they feel overwhelmed.
Encouraging Positive Emotional Responses in Children
Encouraging positive emotional responses is about teaching kids how to swap negative feelings for more positive ones. Helping children like Taylor overcome emotional pain helps them break free from fear, shame, and blame, giving them space for growth. You can do this with tools like positive self-talk, gratitude exercises, and fostering a home that feels like a safety net—where love and support are always there.
Focus on positive discipline that celebrates good behavior with praise and rewards, instead of punishment for missteps. That positive reinforcement builds their confidence and makes them feel seen. When your child feels heard and understood, their emotional world starts to transform—no more bottling up those feelings. It's like planting seeds for emotional growth.
Seeking Professional Help for Emotional Dysregulation in Children
For Taylor, we began with CALM PEMF™, neurofeedback, and supplements, alongside behavior coaching for his parents, followed by therapy and dietary adjustments to help him gain emotional awareness and sustain calm without medication.
Developing self-regulation is a journey, and if progress stalls, seeking specialized care for underlying issues like ADHD or mental health concerns may be the next step.
Together, we can help your child learn to manage their intense emotions, control their impulses, and build a foundation of emotional and behavioral self-regulation that will serve them well throughout their life.
Ready to get to the root of your child’s dysregulation? Explore the Dysregulation Solution—a step-by-step program packed with practical tools to help your child calm their brain, strengthen emotional resilience, and thrive through life’s ups and downs. Learn more here.
Explore our BrainBehaviorReset™ Program. Use our solution matcher or tune in to my It’s Gonna Be OK! Podcast for parents to find the right approach.
Parent Action Steps
FAQs
What role do parents play in teaching self-regulation?
Parents are key role models for self-regulation. By modeling calm behavior, using positive self-talk, and providing consistent support, parents help children learn how to manage their emotions and build emotional resilience.
How can I teach my child to manage their intense emotions?
Start by normalizing big emotions and helping your child understand that it's okay to feel deeply. Practice emotional awareness by teaching them to label and identify their feelings. Then, introduce coping strategies like self-talk, deep breathing, and visualization to help them regulate their emotions in tough moments.
Can emotional dysregulation be linked to other conditions?
Yes, emotional dysregulation is often seen in children with ADHD, autism, anxiety, and other conditions. It can also be a result of underlying neurological or medical issues, so addressing the root causes through therapy and treatment is important for long-term success.
Citations:
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2011). Building the Brain’s “Air Traffic Control” System: How Early Experiences Shape the Development of Executive Function: Working Paper No. 11. Retrieved from www.developingchild.harvard.edu.
Eisenberg, N., Spinrad, T. L., & Eggum, N. D. (2010). Emotion-related self-regulation and its relation to children's maladjustment. Annual review of clinical psychology, 6, 495-525.
McClelland, M. M., Cameron, C. E., Connor, C. M., Farris, C. L., Jewkes, A. M., & Morrison, F. J. (2007). Links between behavioral regulation and preschoolers' literacy, vocabulary, and math skills. Developmental Psychology, 43(4), 947-959. https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.43.4.947
Petersen, L. (1995). Stop Think Do. In H.P.J.G. van Bilsen, P.C. Kendall, & J.H. Slavenburg (Eds.), Behavioral Approaches for Children and Adolescents. Springer, Boston, MA. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4757-9406-9_9
Always remember… “Calm Brain, Happy Family™”
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regime. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment vary by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC does not guarantee certain results.
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