Table of Contents
- Self-Regulation Strategies for Kids
- Understanding Self-Regulation in Children
- Self-Regulation Development by Age
- Self-Regulation vs. Dysregulation
- Benefits of Developing Self-Regulation Skills
- Self-Regulation Strategies for Different Ages
- The 5-Step Self-Regulation Process
- Parental Involvement in Self-Regulation
- Dr. Roseann’s 5 Favorite Coping Statements for Parents
Let’s face it: parenting a child who struggles with managing their emotions or behavior can be exhausting and overwhelming. If you’re feeling frustrated or unsure of how to help your child cope with big feelings, you’re not alone. But the truth is, teaching self-regulation skills to your child is one of the most powerful things you can do for their long-term success—emotionally, socially, and academically.
I am sharing the same top self-regulation strategies for kids that I have used to support tens of thousands of families and educators. These strategies will not only help your child better manage their sensations, emotions and behaviors but will also set them up for a lifetime of confidence, resilience, and success.
Key Takeaways
- Learning how to regulate is crucial for children's success, evolving from caregiver support to independent strategies.
- Effective strategies include engaging activities, behavior modeling, and supportive environments.
- Parental involvement enhances skills like self-control, empathy, and resilience.
Understanding Self-Regulation in Children
Self-regulation is one of the most important skills kids can learn—it’s all about helping them manage their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in order to meet life’s challenges. This ability to regulate starts developing early, and it’s essential to nurture it from a young age as soon as kids are able to start using their working memory and show mental flexibility. Self-regulation impacts everything from school performance to friendships and overall mental well-being.
As children grow, they gradually move from relying on caregivers to developing their own cognitive strategies for managing their emotions and behaviors. This shift is critical, as strong self-regulation skills set kids up for success in school, help them build lasting friendships, and support their mental health. On the flip side, struggles with self-regulation—like difficulty managing emotions—can lead to more tantrums, impatience, and frustration.
That’s why teaching self-regulation and self-control is so important. When kids learn how to manage their emotions, they gain more control over their responses, which ultimately helps them thrive in all areas of life.
Creating a supportive environment at home or school where children can practice these skills is key. By providing them with the tools they need to manage their emotions, we give them the foundation to succeed emotionally, socially, and academically.
Definition of Self Regulation and Why is it Important
Self-regulation is the ability to manage our emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, especially in the face of challenges. It’s about knowing when to take a deep breath, resist impulses, stay focused on a task, and handle stress in a healthy way. For kids, this skill is everything—it shapes how they learn, interact with others, and navigate their world.
Why is self-regulation so important? Because it aides kids in building a strong foundation for dealing with life’s ups and downs. When children learn to regulate themselves, they can handle their emotions and behaviors in a way that leads to better outcomes—whether that’s doing well in school, forming strong friendships, or keeping a positive mindset. By learning to respond calmly and thoughtfully to their environment, kids can achieve their goals and create meaningful connections with others.
At its core, self-regulation helps children stay grounded, build resilience, and feel confident in their ability to overcome challenges. It’s the skill that empowers them to thrive emotionally, socially, and academically.
Self-Regulation vs. Dysregulation
Benefits of Developing Self Regulation Skills
Teaching children self-regulation isn’t just about getting them to behave—it’s about setting them up for lifelong success. When kids learn to manage their emotions, thoughts, and actions, they gain the tools they need to navigate life’s ups and downs with confidence. Because let's face it, life sometimes can be as choppy as riding a dingy in rough waters.
The benefits of self-regulation go far beyond the classroom, influencing their relationships, mental health, and overall well-being. Let’s dive into some of the key advantages that come with developing this crucial skill:
- Improved Academic Performance: Children who can self-regulate are better at focusing on tasks, following instructions, and completing assignments on time. This leads to higher academic achievement and a more positive attitude towards learning.
- Enhanced Social Skills: When kids regulate, they can better manage their emotions during social interactions, making it easier to form and maintain friendships. They learn to take turns, share, and resolve conflicts peacefully.
- Better Emotional Health: By learning to control their emotions, children experience fewer tantrums and outbursts. They develop resilience and can cope with stress and frustration more effectively.
- Increased Independence: As children master self-regulation, they become more independent and capable of making good decisions without constant adult supervision.
- Long-Term Success: Self-regulation skills are linked to better outcomes in adulthood, including higher educational attainment, better job prospects, and healthier relationships.
Types of Kid's Self-Regulation Skills
Self-regulation is not just one skill—it’s a collection of abilities that work together to aide teens and children in their emotional and behavioral growth. These skills are the building blocks for a child’s overall development, helping them manage their emotions, stay focused, and build healthy relationships.
Here are the key types of self-regulation skills that every child needs:
- Cognitive regulation: The ability to control attention and manage time, which enables kids to stay on track with tasks.
- Emotional regulation: Managing emotions like frustration, anger, or anxiety, allowing children to cope with life’s challenges.
- Behavioral regulation: The ability to control impulses and stay on task, essential for academic and social success.
- Social regulation: Understanding and managing interactions with others, promoting positive social behaviors and conflict resolution.
Each of these areas plays a critical role in shaping how children handle the world around them. The good news? You can start implementing strategies for each one today to help your child be more independent and calm.
Self-Regulation Strategies for Different Ages
Emotional Awareness Techniques that Foster Inner Resilience and Control
Emotional awareness is the first step in regulating emotions. Younger children often struggle with expressing their emotions due to limited language skills, making it essential to use tools like emotion charts to help them identify and name their feelings.
Tools like emotion charts help young children identify and name their feelings. Role-playing exercises let them explore emotional reactions safely. Using visual supports like cartoons or videos enhance understanding of emotional concepts.
But it’s not just about identifying emotions—it’s also about learning how to cope with them. Mindfulness and grounding techniques are fantastic ways to help kids boost their self-awareness and find calm when they’re upset.
Simple things like deep breathing or box breathing can work wonders to soothe them during emotional stress. And positive self-talk is key—helping them shift from a negative mindset to a more positive one that lay strong foundations for healthy mental well-being.
Creating a calm-down space filled with comforting items like soft toys or blankets gives kids a safe space to go when they need to reset. This isn’t just about managing intense emotions in the moment, but laying the foundation for a lifetime of emotional resilience. When we help our kids build these skills, we’re setting them up to handle whatever comes their way with confidence and calm.
Behavioral Self Regulation Strategies
Self-regulating behavior is key to learning. Clear routines and expectations create a reliable framework for self-discipline. Positive reinforcement encourages preferred behaviors.
Breaking tasks into smaller segments assists teens and children to manage feelings of being overwhelmed. Visual aids like sticky notes guide behavior and keep kids focused on goals. Regular rest intervals and timers help avoid overstimulation.
Modeling calm behavior is vital, as children often imitate adults. A structured, predictable environment enhances self-regulatory skills, empowering kids to tackle responsibilities confidently.
Easy Self Regulation Techniques
Simplified Self-Regulation Techniques for Kids
Helping your child develop self-regulation skills is one of the most important gifts you can give them. Whether it’s managing their emotions, behavior, or time, these strategies make it easier for kids to navigate the ups and downs of daily life. Learning self-regulation is key to aiding kids succeed in school, at home, and in their relationships.
Let’s break it down into the key areas of self-regulation and explore the top strategies that can help your child build these essential skills—one step at a time.
Emotional Self-Regulation Techniques for Kids
Emotional self-regulation is the foundation for a child’s ability to deal with feelings—especially the tough ones like anger, sadness, and frustration. These skill help kids manage feelings like anger, sadness, and frustration. Assisting children to manage their own emotions is essential for their emotional well-being and nervous system balance.
Top Strategies:
- Belly Breathing: Teach diaphragmatic or belly breathing to calm down.
- Emotion Charts: Use visual aids to label feelings.
- Mindfulness: Increase awareness of emotional states.
- Role-Playing: Show how to handle emotional situations.
- Positive Affirmations: Reframe negative thoughts with empowering statements.
- Calm-Down Corners: Create a special place to regroup and soothe.
Behavioral Strategies to Help Children Gain Self-Control
Self-regulating behavior allows kids to stay on track and follow through with tasks, even when distractions or frustrations arise.
Top Strategies:
- Clear Routines: Provide security and set the stage for self-control and discipline.
- Positive Reinforcement: Reward good behavior to reinforce habits.
- Timers and Breaks: Set work periods with breaks to avoid burnout.
- Visual Reminders: Use sticky notes to stay focused on goals.
- Role Modeling: Show how to stay calm and manage tasks with patience.
- Task Breakdown: Split tasks into smaller, easier steps.
Cognitive Regulation Strategies
Cognitive self-regulation is the ability to stay focused, manage attention, and think before acting—essential for academic and learning success. Learning self-regulation skills gives children the ability stay focused and think before acting, which is crucial for their cognitive development.
Top Strategies:
- Chunking: Break information into manageable “chunks.”
- Think-Pair-Share: Encourage verbalizing thoughts.
- Mental Rehearsal: Practice mentally before tasks.
- Memory Aids: Use mnemonic devices for remembering details.
- Mindfulness: Improve attention and focus through presence.
Social Regulation Techniques
In social self-regulation, children manage how they behave and interact with others, understanding how their actions affect those around them.
Top Strategies:
- Role-Playing: Practice social situations.
- Turn-Taking: Encourage sharing and patience.
- Empathy Building: Discuss feelings in various situations.
- Active Listening: Teach listening with eyes and ears.
- Social Stories: Model positive behavior.
- Conflict Resolution: Resolve disagreements peacefully.
Managing one's own feelings, sensations and emotions is essential for positive social interactions and building strong relationships.
Physical Self-Regulation
Physical self-regulation aides children in the management of their physical energy, whether it’s releasing excess energy or calming down.
Top Strategies:
- Movement Breaks: Encourage activities to release energy.
- Fidget Tools: Provide tactile objects for focus.
- Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Relieve tension through muscle exercises.
- Deep Breathing: Calm the mind and body.
- Weighted Blankets: Use sensory tools for calming effects.
Time Self-Regulation to Aide with Time Management
Mastering time self-regulation helps kids stay on task, meet deadlines, and develop organizational skills.
Top Strategies:
- Visual Timers: Show time left for tasks.
- Task Prioritization: Decide which tasks are most important.
- Pomodoro Technique: Work in short bursts with breaks.
- To-Do Lists: Track tasks with checklists.
- Task Breakdown: Focus on one part at a time.
Impulse Control and Behavioral Regulation Strategies
Impulse control helps kids pause before acting, giving them the time to think about consequences and make better decisions.
Top Strategies:
- “Pause and Think”: Teach children to stop, take a breath, and think before they act.
- Freeze Dance: A fun way to practice impulse control where kids stop moving when the music stops.
- Counting to 10: Encourage children to count to 10 before reacting in difficult situations.
- Role-Playing: Use role-play to practice controlling impulses in real-life scenarios.
- Delayed Gratification: Encourage children to wait for rewards to build patience.
Building Academic Success through Self Regulation
Self-regulation plays a pivotal role in a child’s academic success. When children can manage their emotions and behaviors, they are more likely to excel in school. Here’s how regulation contributes to academic achievement:
- Homework and Study Habits: Children with strong self-regulation skills can set aside time for homework, stay focused, and complete tasks without getting easily distracted. They develop effective study habits that enhance their learning and executive functioning.
- Classroom Behavior: Self-regulated children are better at following classroom rules, paying attention to the teacher, and participating in discussions. This positive behavior creates a conducive learning environment.
- Test Preparation: Managing stress and anxiety is crucial during exams. Self-regulation techniques like belly breathing and positive self-talk help children stay calm and perform better under pressure.
Parents can support their child’s academic success by encouraging self-regulation practices at home. Setting up a quiet study area, establishing a consistent homework routine, and praising efforts rather than just results can make a significant difference.
The 5-Step Self-Regulation Process
Creating a Supportive Environment for Self Regulation
Creating a supportive environment at home is not just beneficial but essential for nurturing self-regulation in children. Picture your home as a sanctuary where your child feels understood, secure, and empowered to manage their own feelings, behaviors and emotions. As parents, we have the incredible opportunity to shape this environment, guiding our children toward emotional resilience and self-discipline.
Here are some practical, relatable tips to help you foster these critical skills in your kids, emphasizing the power of empathy and consistency in parenting.
- Set Clear Routines: Consistent daily routines provide a sense of security and assist children understand what to expect. This predictability makes it easier for them to regulate their behavior and emotions.
- Provide Emotional Support: Encourage open communication about feelings and teach children how to express their emotions appropriately. Validate their feelings and offer comfort when needed.
- Model Self-Regulation: Children learn by observing adults. Demonstrate regulation in your own language, body language and behavior by staying calm during stressful situations and using positive self-talk.
- Use Positive Reinforcement: Praise and reward self-regulated behavior to reinforce these habits. Acknowledge their efforts and progress, no matter how small.
- Create a Calm-Down Space: Designate a quiet area where children can go to relax and regroup when they feel overwhelmed. Stock it with comforting items like books, soft toys, or calming music.
By implementing these strategies, parents can create an environment that nurtures self-regulation, helping their children develop the skills they need to thrive both academically and socially.
Top Challenges in Self-Regulation Strategies for Kids
The process of imparting self-regulation skills to children is fraught with hurdles. The unique characteristics displayed by individual children, such as variations in their capacity for concentration and levels of emotional development, contribute to the complexity of teaching self-regulation.
- Every Child is Unique:
Each child has their own pace when it comes to focusing and managing emotions. Some kids are naturally more regulated than others, and that’s okay! We need to understand their individual needs and meet them where they are in their development. - Family Dynamics Play a Big Role:
The way a child’s family functions has a huge impact on their ability to self-regulate. If there’s stress or inconsistency at home, it can make it harder for kids to learn how to manage their emotions. Parents, don’t worry—you’re not alone, and creating a more consistent, supportive environment can make a big difference! - Peer Relationships Influence Progress:
Kids are learning a lot from their friends, and social dynamics play a big role in regulation. Positive peer relationships can help kids practice how to regulate, but if they’re struggling with friendships or peer pressure, it can be a roadblock. - Distractions Everywhere:
The world is full of distractions—media, environments, and even well-meaning people who may unintentionally disrupt a child’s regulation process. It’s important to create environments at home and school that aide kids to focus and develop these skills without unnecessary distractions. - Too Much Intervention Can Backfire:
Parents, I know you want the best for your child, but sometimes, over-managing can actually hinder their ability to self-regulate. Letting your child experience natural consequences and giving them the space to learn on their own builds their resilience. - Not All Teachers Have the Right Tools:
Unfortunately, not all educators are trained to teach self-regulation skills effectively. As a parent, it’s important to work together with teachers to ensure that your child is getting the right support. Sometimes, a little extra training or resources can go a long way! - A Lack of Professional Development for Educators:
Teachers need continuous support and training to assist kids to build self-regulation. It’s not enough to just give them a curriculum; they need tools, strategies, and resources to make it work. - Consistency is Key:
Without consistent practice, teaching self-regulation can be challenging. Parents, teachers, and caregivers need to be on the same page and reinforce these strategies every day—consistency assist kids to feel secure and learn faster.
Parental Involvement in Self-Regulation
As a parent, you are the most important influence in your child’s ability to self-regulate. While school is important, it’s at home where kids really learn to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Your support and guidance play a huge role in helping them build these crucial skills.
That’s where tools like our Dysregulation Solution come in, offering simple, actionable strategies that you can easily integrate into your daily routine. These methods help you empower your child to take control of their emotions and actions, setting them up for long-term success.
Your encouragement goes a long way in helping your child feel motivated and confident. Praise their efforts, no matter how small, and offer rewards that reinforce positive behaviors. By leading by example, you show your child how to navigate emotions with compassion and patience, which in turn teaches them to respond thoughtfully in their own lives.
Creating a home where consistent expectations are in place, and fostering a problem-solving attitude and one that fosters coping skills, helps kids understand that challenges are opportunities to grow. When you model patience and empathy—especially when things don’t go as planned—you’re showing them how to stay calm and persevere.
This kind of environment builds the foundation for success in both academics and relationships, helping your child develop the resilience and self-regulation they need to become emotionally strong and resilient.
Dr. Roseann’s 5 Favorite Coping Statements for Parents
- “I see you're feeling upset, and that's okay. Let’s take a deep breath together and calm our bodies.”
- “It’s really tough when you feel frustrated. Let’s give ourselves a moment to reset.”
- “You’re doing a great job by taking a pause. Let me know when you’re ready to talk or need help.”
- “I know it’s hard right now, but you’re learning how to calm down. I’m right here with you.”
- “It’s okay to take a break when things feel too big. We’ll work through this together when you’re ready.”
Parents can use these statements to help their children manage uncomfortable sensations, thoughts and feelings. By guiding through stress and not avoiding it, kids gain strong problem solving skills and self confidence.
Self-Regulation Milestones in Early Childhood
Self-Regulation in Early Childhood
Self-regulation starts in early childhood and is a critical part of a child’s development. When children develop self-regulation skills early on, they are more likely to succeed both academically and socially, as well as develop intrinsic motivation.
In these early years, children learn how to manage their emotions, resist impulses, and follow rules—essential building blocks for their future success.
Self-Regulatory Development in Early Childhood Involves:
- Developing emotional regulation skills: Learning to manage emotions like frustration, anger, or excitement.
- Developing self-control: Gaining the ability to resist immediate impulses and control behavior.
- Recognizing and managing one’s own emotions: Identifying emotions and learning to cope with them effectively.
- Resisting impulses and following rules: Learning to delay gratification and understand the importance of rules.
- Developing self-awareness and self-monitoring skills: Becoming aware of one's own behaviors and emotions and adjusting them as needed.
Developing Self, Emotional and Behavioral Regulation in Toddlers
Toddlers can begin developing behavioral self-regulation skills as early as 12 to 18 months. Although it’s a gradual process, parents play a vital role by creating a structured environment and modeling self-regulated behaviors.
How Do Toddlers Develop Emotion Regulation? Behavioral and Emotional Development in Toddlers Involves:
- Providing a structured and predictable environment: Consistency in daily routines helps toddlers feel secure and understand what to expect.
- Modeling regulated behaviors: Demonstrating calming techniques or controlled responses to frustration teaches toddlers by example.
- Teaching self-regulation skills explicitly: Using simple language to guide toddlers through managing their emotions or behaviors.
- Encouraging independence and autonomy: Giving toddlers opportunities to make choices within boundaries fosters a sense of control.
- Providing opportunities for social interaction and play: Encouraging playtime with peers helps toddlers practice turn-taking, sharing, and other social self-regulation skills.
Parent's Next Steps to Support Regulation
Helping your child develop self-regulation skills is one of the most important things you can do for their future. When kids learn how to manage their emotions, control their impulses, and stay focused, they’re set up for success in school and in life. From practicing emotional awareness to staying actively involved, every little step counts.
Start by weaving these strategies into your child’s daily routine—whether it’s through calming techniques, setting clear expectations, or providing positive reinforcement. When you support your child in building these skills, you’re not just helping them get through the day—you’re helping them build a strong foundation for mental health and success that will last a lifetime.
How can you teach a child to self regulate?
You can teach self-regulation by helping children recognize and label their emotions. Encourage mindfulness practices like deep breathing to manage stress. Establish clear routines and use visual aids to support time management. Positive reinforcement and modeling regulated behaviors are key. Consistent role-modeling, support and reinforcement helps kids gain these skills.
What is a good example of self-regulation?
A great example of self-regulation is when a child feels upset but uses deep breathing or counts to 10 instead of yelling or throwing a tantrum. It shows their ability to influence their emotions and reactions, even when they are frustrated or stressed.
Why is self-regulation important for children?
Regulation is key because it helps kids and teens manage their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, which is essential for success in school, relationships, and mental health. Kids who develop strong self-regulation are better equipped to handle challenges, manage stress, and engage in positive social interactions.
How can parents improve their child's self-regulation skills?
Parents can enhance their child's self-regulation skills by establishing consistent routines, modeling calm behavior, and encouraging positive inner dialogue. Providing choices and praising good decisions also supports the development of regulation skills
What are some effective strategies for teaching self-regulation to children?
Effective strategies include using emotion charts to identify feelings, practicing mindfulness to calm down, breaking tasks into smaller steps, and using visual reminders to keep kids on track. Encouraging positive self-talk and offering rewards for good behavior are also helpful.
How can parents support the development of self-regulation skills at home?
Parents can help by modeling regulated behaviors, setting clear expectations, and reinforcing positive actions. Consistent routines, giving kids choices, and praising them for making good decisions can also support their development of these essential skills.
What challenges do educators face in teaching self-regulation?
Educators often face challenges like large class sizes, diverse needs, and a lack of resources. Additionally, not all kids have the same temperament or readiness to learn self-regulation skills. Teachers benefit from ongoing professional development and a classroom environment that supports emotional learning.
Citations
Heatherton T. F. (2011). Neuroscience of self and self-regulation. Annual review of psychology, 62, 363–390. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.121208.131616
Li, J., Ye, H., Tang, Y., Zhou, Z., & Hu, X. (2018). What Are the Effects of Self-Regulation Phases and Strategies for Chinese Students? A Meta-Analysis of Two Decades Research of the Association Between Self-Regulation and Academic Performance. Frontiers in psychology, 9, 2434. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02434
Sahranavard, S., Miri, M. R., & Salehiniya, H. (2018). The relationship between self-regulation and educational performance in students. Journal of education and health promotion, 7, 154. https://doi.org/10.4103/jehp.jehp_93_18
Dr. Roseann is a mental health expert in Self-Regulation who frequently is in the media:
- Healthline Understanding Self-Regulation Skills
- Scary Mommy What Is Self-Regulation In Children, And How Can You Help Improve It?
- The Warrior Parent Podcast It's Gonna Be OK! Changing Behaviors and Responses (And The Magic of Magnesium)In Your Family with Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge
Always remember… “Calm Brain, Happy Family™”
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regime. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment vary by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC does not guarantee certain results.
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©Roseann Capanna-Hodge 2025
Dr. Roseann is a Children’s Mental Health Expert and Licensed Therapist who has been featured in/on hundreds of media outlets including The Mel Robbins Show, CBS, NBC, PIX11 NYC, Today, FORBES, CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Business Insider, Women’s Day, Healthline, CNET, Parade Magazine and PARENTS. FORBES called her, “A thought leader in children’s mental health.”
She coined the terms, “Re-entry panic syndrome” and “eco-anxiety” and is a frequent contributor to media on mental health.
Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge has three decades of experience in working with children, teens and their families with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, concussion, dyslexia and learning disability, anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), depression and mood disorder, Lyme Disease, and PANS/PANDAS using science-backed natural mental health solutions such as supplements, magnesium, nutrition, QEEG Brain maps, neurofeedback, PEMF, psychotherapy and other non-medication approaches.
She is the author of three bestselling books, It’s Gonna Be OK!: Proven Ways to Improve Your Child's Mental Health, The Teletherapy Toolkit, and Brain Under Attack. Dr. Roseann is known for offering a message of hope through science-endorsed methods that promote a calm brain.
Her trademarked BrainBehaviorResetⓇ Program and It’s Gonna be OK!Ⓡ Podcast has been a cornerstone for thousands of parents facing mental health, behavioral or neurodevelopmental challenges.
She is the founder and director of The Global Institute of Children’s Mental Health, Neurotastic™Brain Formulas and Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC. Dr. Roseann is a Board Certified Neurofeedback (BCN) Practitioner, a Board Member of the Northeast Region Biofeedback Society (NRBS), Certified Integrative Mental Health Professional (CIMHP) and an Amen Clinic Certified Brain Health Coach. She is also a member of The International Lyme Disease and Associated Disease Society (ILADS), The American Psychological Association (APA), Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) National Association of School Psychologists (NASP), International OCD Foundation (IOCDF).
© Roseann-Capanna-Hodge, LLC 2025
