Emotion Regulation: 5 Keys to Calm

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes

What is Emotion Regulation and Why Does it Matter?

Emotion regulation is your ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences. Think of it as an inner thermostat that helps you turn down intense feelings when they get too hot or turn them up when you need motivation.

While related to self-regulation (which covers all aspects of self-control), emotion regulation focuses specifically on feelings. It's the skill that helps your child:

Respond thoughtfully instead of impulsively
Build stronger relationships
Improve focus and school performance
Reduce anxiety and meltdowns
Create resilience for life's challenges

For kids with ADHD or anxiety, managing big feelings can be especially hard. But the good news is that emotion regulation is a skill that can be learned and strengthened.

You're not alone. Many parents feel exhausted watching their child struggle with reactions that seem out of proportion. These are signs that your child's nervous system needs support, not more consequences.

I'm Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, and for over 30 years, I've helped families steer emotional dysregulation, ADHD, and anxiety with science-backed, natural strategies. My BrainBehaviorReset™ Program focuses on calming the brain first and then teaching practical skills for lasting change.

Learn more about emotion regulation:

What are the Signs of Poor Emotion Regulation?

When a child struggles with emotion regulation, it's called emotional dysregulation. Their reactions often seem more intense than the situation warrants. These behaviors aren't just "misbehavior"; they are a cry for help. As we often say, behavior is communication—it tells us they are overwhelmed and lack coping tools.

Common signs include:

Acting impulsively
Getting frustrated easily and giving up
Trouble calming down once upset
Frequent, intense temper outbursts or mood swings
Ongoing irritability
Shutting down or withdrawing when overwhelmed
Verbal outbursts or aggressive behavior

These struggles can make it hard to keep friends or maintain family harmony. It's also important to distinguish emotion regulation from distress tolerance:

AspectEmotion RegulationDistress ToleranceDefinitionManaging day-to-day emotions.Getting through high-stress moments.Primary GoalBalancing the intensity and duration of feelings.Surviving a crisis without making it worse.FocusProactive management and influencing emotions.Reactive coping with acute emotional pain.AnalogyA chef creating a balanced dish.A captain navigating a storm.

Both are essential. Emotion regulation helps us live well daily, while distress tolerance helps us survive the toughest times.

How Does Emotion Regulation Develop?

The ability to regulate emotions develops across our lifespan. This is a dynamic process, and scientific research on the development of emotion regulation shows how it evolves from infancy to adulthood.

Infancy: Infants rely on caregivers for "co-regulation." A parent soothing a crying baby teaches the infant that distress can be managed. These early interactions are foundational.
Toddlerhood: Toddlers begin developing their own strategies, like looking away from something upsetting. Caregivers remain vital in teaching them new coping methods (Wright et al., 2025).
Childhood (6-10): Children start to understand social "display rules" (e.g., smiling at a gift you don't love). They use more cognitive strategies, like changing their thoughts about a situation, to manage feelings (Willner et al., 2022).
Adolescence: Teens refine their regulation skills but also face new social pressures and stress, which can make this period challenging.
Adulthood: Generally, emotion regulation skills improve with age. Older adults often become better at managing negative emotions and focusing on well-being, with positive feelings increasing and negative feelings decreasing over time.

The Brain’s Role in Managing Big Feelings

Understanding the brain is key to effective emotion regulation. Two main regions are at play:

The Prefrontal Cortex (the “thinking brain”): This is our command center for planning, decision-making, and impulse control. It helps us think before we act. In kids and teens, this area is still developing, making emotional control harder.
The Amygdala (the “emotion center”): This is the brain's alarm system, triggering "fight, flight, or freeze" responses. When highly activated, it can override the thinking brain, making it feel impossible to think clearly.

For children with ADHD, the communication between these brain regions can be inefficient. Their amygdala might be overactive, and their prefrontal cortex may struggle to calm things down.

This is why our approach emphasizes calming the brain first. By using science-backed strategies, we help these brain regions communicate more effectively, strengthening the prefrontal cortex's ability to regulate. This foundational work sets the stage for learning healthy coping skills.

Emotion regulation process model diagram

Practical Strategies for Healthy Emotion Regulation

Developing emotion regulation is about building a toolkit of healthy responses. It's not about suppressing feelings but having choices. Gross's process model of emotion regulation (Hill et al., 2025) outlines five families of strategies:

Situation Selection: Proactively avoiding or approaching situations based on their likely emotional impact.
Situation Modification: Altering a situation to change its emotional effect, like changing an anxious topic of conversation.
Attentional Deployment: Directing your attention. Distraction can shift focus from distressing thoughts, but avoid rumination (dwelling on negatives).
Cognitive Change: Changing your interpretation of a situation. Reappraisal (finding a silver lining) is a highly adaptive strategy.
Response Modulation: Influencing an emotional response after it has started. This includes healthy actions like physical activity or getting enough sleep.

By understanding this model, we can help our children build a comprehensive toolbox. Modeling these behaviors ourselves is one of the most powerful ways to teach them.

Healthy Coping Strategies for Kids and Teens

Here are practical emotion regulation strategies that we incorporate into our programs:

Cognitive Reappraisal (Reframing): Changing how you think about a situation. Instead of "This is impossible!" try, "This is challenging, but I can try my best."
Mindfulness and Breathing: Simple exercises like focusing on the breath can calm the nervous system. Deep breathing is excellent for reducing anxiety.
Taking a Break (Situation Modification): A strategic pause to regain composure. A child might go to their room or step outside for a few minutes.
Problem-Solving: Guiding children to identify the source of their feelings and brainstorm solutions shifts focus from distress to action.
Expressive Writing: Journaling can help process emotions and gain perspective.
Physical Activity: Exercise is a fantastic natural mood booster and stress reliever.
Getting Enough Sleep: Sleep is critical for emotional resilience. A lack of it can lead to greater emotional reactivity.

Dr. Roseann’s Therapist Quick Tip:

In my 30+ years of clinical practice, I’ve learned that emotional regulation works just like an inner thermostat—when it’s set too high or too low, kids can’t think, learn, or cope well.

Here’s what I tell parents:

When your child is melting down or shutting down, it’s not a behavior problem—it’s a nervous system problem, and the fastest way to help is to calm the body before addressing the moment.

Try this today:

Pause the conversation and help your child reset their ‘temperature’ with slow breathing, gentle movement, or quiet sensory input like a weighted blanket or dim lighting.

Why it works:

These actions send safety signals to the brain, bringing the nervous system out of fight-or-flight and back into a regulated state where emotions and thinking can settle.

Remember: when you focus on regulating first, you’re teaching your child a lifelong skill—not just managing today’s big feelings.”

Therapeutic Support for Building Emotion Regulation Skills

Sometimes, children need more structured support, especially with conditions like ADHD or anxiety. That's where specialized therapeutic approaches come in.

Our BrainBehaviorReset™ Program provides game-changing solutions by integrating evidence-based techniques customized to each child. Our core philosophy is calming the brain first to rewire it for better emotional control and focus.

One valuable tool we use is The Zones of Regulation®. This curriculum helps children categorize their feelings into "zones" (e.g., Green Zone for calm, Red Zone for anger) and choose appropriate coping strategies to return to the Green Zone.

We also draw from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which is highly effective for teaching individuals to identify and change unhelpful thought patterns that contribute to emotional distress. Research shows that emotion regulation skills are a key target in psychotherapy, and CBT is a leading method for this.

Our approach addresses the root causes of dysregulation by optimizing brain function. We empower children to gain mastery over their emotions, leading to lasting positive change.

You can learn more about how we can help your child thrive by exploring our comprehensive services. Our solutions are designed to help children in Ridgefield, CT, across Connecticut, and worldwide build the emotion regulation skills they need to succeed.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is emotional dysregulation a symptom of ADHD?

Yes, difficulty with emotion regulation is a core challenge for many children and adults with ADHD. The brain differences in ADHD affect executive functions, which are crucial for managing emotions. It’s not a choice or bad behavior; it’s a skill that needs support and training.

At what age should a child be able to regulate their emotions?

Emotion regulation develops over a long time. While toddlers start showing basic strategies (like covering their eyes), these skills become more complex through childhood and adolescence. There isn’t a single age, but if your child’s emotional reactions are causing significant problems at home or school, it’s a sign they need more support.

Can you “cure” emotional dysregulation?

You can absolutely improve it! Through targeted strategies, therapies like Dr. Roseann’s BrainBehaviorReset™ Program, and building skills, a child’s brain can learn new, more effective ways to manage emotions. It’s about calming the brain first and teaching it a better way to respond. There is always hope for change.

How can I help my child calm down during a meltdown?

Let’s calm the brain first. Use simple, sensory-based strategies like deep breathing, squeezing a stress ball, or a quiet break. Stay calm yourself—your child’s nervous system is watching yours for cues. Behavior is communication; your child is telling you they’re overwhelmed.

What if my child’s emotions are getting in the way at school?

You’re not alone. Many kids need extra support. Work with your child’s school team and consider professional help if needed. With the right strategies, your child can learn to manage big feelings and thrive.

Citations

Hill, P., Kwak, J., and Beatty-Wright, J. (2025). Sense of purpose and emotion regulation strategy use: a mini-review with directions for future research. J Mood & Anxiety Disorders, 11. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.xjmad.2025.11133.

Willner, C., Hoffman, J., Bailey, C., Harrison, A., Garcia, B., Ng, Z., Cipriano, C., and Brackett, M. (2022). The development of cognitive reappraisal from early childhood through adolescence: a systematic review and methodological recommendations. Front Psychol, 13:875964. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.875964.

Wright, J., Cox, M., and Giuliani, N. (2025). Caregiver assistance with young children's emotion regulation strategies: correspondence between global and momentary reports. Affec Sci, 6:403-413. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42761-025-00308-x

Always remember… “Calm Brain, Happy Family™”

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice, and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regimen. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment varies by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC, does not guarantee specific results.