If your child suddenly refuses school and your mornings feel like a battlefield, you’re not failing as a parent. School refusal is rising fast, and it’s a sign of a dysregulated nervous system, not defiance. In this episode, you’ll learn what school refusal really is, how it shows up, and what actually helps kids feel safe enough to return.
What is school refusal and why is it increasing?
School refusal happens when a child experiences intense emotional or physical distress about attending school. Research now shows 5% of children will experience school refusal, up from 1% two decades ago.
This increase matters because school refusal often overlaps with:
- Anxiety, OCD, panic, or PANS/PANDAS
- Bullying or social stress
- Chronic nervous system overload
It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain.
Parent example: A child who loved school last year suddenly panics every Sunday night, complaining of stomach pain and begging to stay home.
What are the real signs of school refusal?
School refusal is often misunderstood as avoidance, but the body tells the real story.
Common signs include:
- GI symptoms like vomiting, diarrhea, constipation
- Headaches, chest pain, body aches
- Sleep issues or high blood pressure before school
- Escalating fear the night before school days
Behavior is communication. When fear hijacks the brain, kids shift into survival mode and can’t think or learn clearly.
Why does anxiety make kids refuse school?
When kids have intrusive or irrational fears, their brains become hijacked. This is the fight, flight, or freeze response in action.
Key drivers include:
- Bullying or social rejection
- Fear of failure or separation
- Previous school trauma
Once the nervous system is overwhelmed, logic doesn’t work. Pushing harder often backfires.
Parent scenario: A child sobs at the school door despite reassurance because their body believes school equals danger.
How can parents calm the brain first?
Dr. Roseann emphasizes that calming the brain is the starting point, not forcing attendance.
Effective regulation strategies include:
- Neurofeedback or biofeedback
- Meditation and breathwork
- Consistent calming routines
There’s no quick fix. Regulation takes time, but it builds lasting resilience.
Let’s calm the brain first.
When your child is dysregulated, it’s easy to feel helpless.
The Regulation Rescue Kit gives you the scripts and strategies you need to stay grounded and in control. Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and get your free kit today.
What should parents focus on instead of attendance?
The goal isn’t perfect attendance—it’s mental health recovery.
Helpful steps:
- Create structured, calm routines at home
- Use audiobooks, educational podcasts, and creative play
- Prioritize emotional safety over pressure
Main goal: get your child regulated so learning becomes possible again.
When should you involve the school or a professional?
Early support makes a difference.
Consider:
- Partnering with teachers or school psychologists
- Identifying school-based stressors
- Working with a mental health professional experienced in school refusal
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
️ “When the brain is hijacked by fear, kids aren’t choosing refusal—they’re surviving.”
— Dr. Roseann
School refusal is scary, but it’s also treatable. With the right regulation tools, collaboration, and patience, kids can heal and return stronger. It’s gonna be OK—and help is available.
FAQ
Why does my child get sick before school?
Stress triggers physical symptoms like stomach pain or headaches when the nervous system is overwhelmed.
Is school refusal the same as truancy?
No. Truancy is willful skipping. School refusal is fear-based and involuntary.
Can school refusal happen in young kids?
Yes. It can appear as early as kindergarten when anxiety or separation fears rise.
Next Step:
Tired of not knowing what’s really going on with your child? The Solution Matcher gives you a personalized recommendation based on your child’s behavior, not just a label.It’s free, takes just a few minutes, and shows you the best next step.
Go to www.drroseann.com/help
