Parenting a child who always seems “on edge” can feel exhausting and unpredictable—but it’s not your fault. When the nervous system is dysregulated, kids lose access to focus, logic, and calm. In this episode, I’ll explain how nervous system dysregulation fuels big emotions and behaviors. And what you can do right now to help your child find calm.
Why does my child melt down over “small” things?
When the nervous system perceives stress—real or imagined—the brain triggers the fight-or-flight response. A “tiny” request can feel like a tiger.
- Main idea: The autonomic nervous system (ANS) can’t tell real vs. perceived threat.
- Try: whisper-level voice, reduce stimuli, offer a single next step.
Example: After school, skip questions and hand them water + snack, then 10 quiet minutes.
Is my child understimulated or overstimulated—and how can I tell?
Understimulated kids look spacey, slow-to-process, or unmotivated. Overstimulated kids show big feelings, irritability, and impulsivity—even teens.
- Main idea: Understimulation = low energy/forgetful; Overstimulation = intense/quick to anger.
- Try:
- Understimulation: movement + sensory input before homework.
- Overstimulation: dim lights, weighted lap pad, 4-7-8 breaths x3.
Example: If your tween “doesn’t hear you,” assume understimulation and add a 3-minute movement burst first.
How do I stop taking my child’s behavior personally?
Behavior is communication. Dysregulation isn’t defiance; it’s a stress response. Personalizing keeps everyone stuck.
- Main idea: Co-regulation first regulates the room.
- CALMS snapshot: Co-regulate first→ Avoid personalizing behavior → Look for root causes → Model coping strategies → Support and reinforcement.
Example script: “You’re tired and everything feels loud. Let’s sit together and breathe.”
When your child is dysregulated, it’s easy to feel helpless.
The Regulation Rescue Kit gives you the scripts and strategies you need to stay grounded and in control.
Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP at www.drroseann.com/newsletter and get your free kit today.
What are quick, science-backed ways to co-regulate in the moment?
Your calm nervous system becomes their template.
- Main idea: Regulate → Connect → Correct.™
- Try: box breathing; hand-on-heart grounding; 30-second wall push; predictable micro-routines.
- Reinforce one positive—catch them doing it right.
For more tactics, see Stop the Spiral! How to Help Kids With Emotional Dysregulation and Anxiety
🗣️ “If your child’s emotions are all over the place, it’s not a reflection of your parenting—it’s a sign their nervous system is struggling to find balance.”
— Dr. Roseann
From Survival Mode to Skill-Building
When kids are stuck in survival mode, strategies won’t stick. Let’s calm the brain first, co-regulate, and then teach skills. It’s because healing and learning only happen in a regulated state. You’re not alone, and there’s a clear path forward.
For more ways to strengthen your child’s regulation, explore ways to help your child achieve a regulated nervous system.
FAQs About Nervous System Dysregulation
How do I know if it’s ADHD or dysregulation?
Look at the state first. If regulation improves, focus and behavior often do too. Then revisit labels with data.
Why are after-school hours the hardest?
Depleted regulation + sensory load = low capacity. Front-load food, movement, and quiet time.
What’s one fast de-escalation tool?
Match their breath—slow yours until they mirror it—then guide to a 4-count inhale, 7-hold, 8-exhale.
Do consequences work with dysregulation?
Not until safety is restored. Regulate, connect, then correct.
Tired of not knowing what’s really going on with your child?
The Solution Matcher gives you a personalized recommendation based on your child’s behavior, not just a label.
It’s free, takes just a few minutes, and shows you the best next step.
Go to www.drroseann.com/help
