10 Phrases to Quickly Calm Angry Children at Home or School

It’s no secret that children experience big emotions, but knowing how to guide them through these moments can feel overwhelming. Whether you’re a parent or an educator, finding effective ways to calm an angry child is essential for helping them build emotional resilience and emotion regulation skills.

Understanding what to say—and how to say it—can make a world of difference. As a school psychologist and therapist, it is important to not personalize and understand why children and teens have angry outbursts. There are so many benefits of emotion coaching and teaching coping skills but most parents don't know how.  Parent training is about teaching alternative ways to help children respond with self control and manage angry feelings. No one likes feeling angry and both you and your child get caught in a cycle of angry outbursts.

As a licensed therapist, I spend so much time teaching parents how to handle misbehavior and manage disruptive behavior while staying calm. I know that it isn't easy! These 10 simple, yet powerful phrases to calm angry children and open the door to teaching emotional regulation.

Why Do Angry Outbursts Happen?

Anger is often a symptom of dysregulation in a child’s nervous system. When children experience sensory overload, stress, or frustration, their brains struggle to process emotions constructively. For instance, a loud and chaotic classroom can overwhelm a child, or feeling misunderstood at home might make them feel isolated and upset.

These situations can push a child or even older children and teens into “fight or flight” mode, leading to emotional outbursts as their way of coping with overwhelming feelings. It's crucial to understand that behavior is a form of communication. An angry outburst isn’t just about misbehavior; it’s your child’s way of saying, “I need help!”

Most kids have anger problems because they have learned negative behaviors and are stuck without gaining healthy coping skills.

Recognizing this can help parents and caregivers respond with empathy and support, guiding the child towards healthier ways of expressing and managing their emotions. By creating a calm and understanding environment and support system, you can help children feel safe and supported, allowing them to better navigate their emotions and develop resilience.

What is Emotion Coaching? 

Emotion coaching is the process of recognizing and validating a child’s feelings while teaching them healthy ways to express and regulate those emotions. This approach emphasizes understanding over judgment, encouraging children to navigate their emotional world with support and guidance. Instead of reacting to a child’s anger outbursts or frustration with similar emotions, emotion coaching promotes connection and calm, helping children process their feelings constructively.

It doesn't matter what your parenting style is, when you focus on helping a child feel seen and understood, it reduces their defensive response, allowing them to be more open to guidance and learning. This process builds emotional trust between the child and the adult, fostering a safe environment where children can explore their feelings without fear of criticism. Over time, emotion coaching equips a child with anger essential skills to manage intense feelings in the future, preparing them to handle life’s challenges with resilience and confidence.

I always emphasize, “Calm the brain first, then everything else follows.” This principle is at the heart of emotion coaching, highlighting the importance of addressing emotional regulation before tackling behavioral issues. By prioritizing emotional calmness, children are more likely to succeed in both personal and social interactions, leading to healthier development and well-being.

How Parents and Teachers Can Support Angry Children 

Supporting an angry child and a child's outbursts begins with patience and empathy. It's crucial for adults to remain calm, as this helps co-regulate the child’s nervous system, providing a powerful model for emotional control. By staying composed, adults and other family members can create a safe environment where the child feels understood and supported.  When that happens, kids learn anger management skills and there is a decrease in aggressive behavior, anger issues and ultimately mental health issues and clinical diagnoses such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and mood disorders.

Next, give the child space to express their feelings without shame or punishment. Encourage them to talk about what they're experiencing, using words or drawing if verbal expression is difficult. This open communication helps children feel validated and reduces frustration.  Even when a child behaves or there are minor misbehaviors, stay calm and think about what appropriate behavior you want to see in your child and model them.

You can also provide choices and simple coping strategies to help them regain control. These might include breathing exercises, counting to ten, or taking a break in a quiet space. By offering these tools, you give positive reinforcement and empower the child to take an active role in calming their mind and body. Over time, they will use these tools proactively and can learn to manage their emotions more effectively and constructively. 

By incorporating these strategies, parents and teachers can build a supportive framework that helps  most children navigate and express anger (without throwing things or yelling!) and develop resilience. 

How Coping Skills Help Angry Children at Home and School 

Coping skills are powerful tools that equip children to manage overwhelming sensations, thoughts and emotions effectively. These skills are essential because they empower children to handle their uncomfortableness constructively rather than react impulsively. Techniques such as deep breathing, visualization, and sensory grounding are designed to interrupt the chaos of anger in children and provide the mind an opportunity to reset and regain control.

Consider this example: when a child is spiraling in anger, guiding them to visualize blowing bubbles engages their imagination and simultaneously encourages deep breathing. This simple yet effective technique helps reduce tension as the child focuses on slowly inhaling and exhaling, imagining each breath as a bubble floating away. For a teen, proactive techniques such as breathwork or using PEMF can help them positively calm the nervous system before angry behavior surfaces. Such activities not only calm the immediate storm but also teach children how to self-regulate in the future.

Over time, practicing coping skills fosters a sense of mastery in handling emotions, which is a valuable lifelong asset. These skills can significantly improve a child’s ability to interact positively both at home and in school, enhancing their overall well-being and relationships with others.

If you're interested in incorporating these techniques into your daily routine, grab my free guide, “Therapist’s Essential Coping Skills for Kids and Teens,” offers more examples of easy, proven techniques you can use at home or in the classroom. This comprehensive resource is designed to make it simple for caregivers and educators to teach children how to navigate their emotions. Click here to download it now.

10 Phrases to Calm Angry Children 

The specific words you use during heated moments can either escalate or de-escalate the situation. Here are 10 powerful phrases to calm angry children, each rooted in validation, encouragement, and guidance toward self-regulation. 

Validation and Empathy   

Helping a child feel understood can immediately reduce defensiveness and frustration. 

1. “It’s okay to feel upset. Let’s figure this out together.”

Remind your child that all emotions, even anger, are normal and acceptable.

2. “Your feelings are valid, and I’m here to listen.”  

This simple reassurance builds emotional safety and deepens connection. 

3. “I understand this is hard for you. Let’s take it one step at a time.”

Breaking down overwhelming moments into smaller steps can make emotions feel more manageable. 

Encouraging Emotional Awareness 

Teaching children to identify their emotions is the first step in self-awareness and regulation. 

4. “Can you tell me what’s making you feel this way?” 

This encourages the child to reflect on their triggers and express themselves verbally. 

5. “What do you need right now to feel better?” 

By asking this, you empower the child to explore solutions and advocate for their needs. 

Promoting Self-Regulation 

Simple techniques like deep breathing can help calm the nervous system and restore focus. 

6. “Let’s take a few deep breaths together to calm down.” 

Co-regulation fosters connection and helps the child feel supported in calming themselves. 

7. “Let’s count to 10 slowly and see how we feel after.” 

Counting offers a structured pause to interrupt the cycle of anger.   

Offering Choices and Solutions 

Providing choices lets children regain a sense of control while steering them toward positive options. 

8. “Would you like to draw or write about how you’re feeling?” 

Creative outlets provide a safe way to process emotions. 

9. “Do you want to talk about it, or do you need some space first?” 

This teaches boundaries while respecting the child’s process for calming down. 

Using Visualization 

Visualization is a fun and effective way to blend imagination with emotional regulation. 

10. “Let’s imagine we’re blowing bubbles—each bubble takes some anger away.” 

Visualization helps distract the mind from anger while encouraging slow, controlled breathing. 

Turn Chaos Into Calm—One Phrase at a Time 

Angry outbursts are not roadblocks; they're opportunities to teach and connect with the children or students in your life. As a clinical psychologist who has provided mental health treatment to thousands of children and teens, I know that coping skills counters generations of family dysfunction and the chaos of disruptive behavior.

By incorporating these 10 calming phrases into your interactions, you can help guide them toward emotional regulation and provide a sense of support and security. Each simply but powerful phrase is designed to acknowledge their feelings and help them navigate through intense emotions.

Remember, for many kids dysregulation is not a permanent state—it’s a moment that can be reshaped with the right tools and approaches. Consistent practice with these phrases can lead to a healthy way of managing anger and big emotions, improved emotional awareness and stronger communication skills.

For even more therapist-tested techniques to assist kids of all ages – younger children and older children – in managing their big emotions, download Dr. Roseann’s Essential Coping Skills Guide today. This comprehensive guide offers a range of strategies tailored to promote calm, focus, and deeper connections to your family life.

Click here to access your FREE copy and start fostering calm, focus, and connection. Whether you're a parent, educator, or caregiver, this guide is a valuable resource for nurturing emotional growth and resilience.