It starts small—a request to fix the bed or even a change in tone—and then, out of nowhere, the chaos hits. Your child’s emotions go from zero to one hundred in an instant. Tears, shouting, or shutting down completely—it’s overwhelming, and you’re left wondering what just happened.
These aren’t just “bad days” or “typical tantrums.” They’re your child’s nervous system crying out for help. And as hard as it feels in the moment, these outbursts are windows into what your emotionally dysregulated child needs to feel safe, understood, and in control.
As a psychologist with 30 years of experience, I always make it a point to educate parents that many behavioral and mental health challenges stem from one fundamental issue: the dysregulation of the nervous system. When a child’s nervous system is out of sync, their emotions and behaviors can spiral out of control, leaving both the child and the parent feeling overwhelmed. Understanding this connection is key to helping your child regain their emotional balance—and restoring some harmony in your home.
What is Emotional Dysregulation?
Emotional dysregulation is a term used to describe the inability to manage emotional responses in a way that is appropriate for the situation. It is not a lack of willpower or misbehavior but rather a biological and neurological issue rooted in how the brain and nervous system function. When a child experiences emotional dysregulation, their brain is overwhelmed by stress or sensory input, making it difficult for them to access the part of the brain responsible for logic, reasoning, and self-control—the prefrontal cortex.
This imbalance is often linked to an overactive amygdala, the part of the brain that processes fear and stress. When the amygdala becomes overactivated, the nervous system shifts into a fight, flight or freeze mode, shutting down the brain’s ability to regulate emotions. This is why children with emotional dysregulation often exhibit outbursts, excessive crying, or withdrawal that seems disproportionate to the trigger.
Why Does Emotional Dysregulation Happen?
The nervous system plays a central role in emotional regulation. When a child’s nervous system is under- or over-stimulated, it affects how their brain processes emotions. This can lead to difficulty regulating emotional responses, making it challenging for the child to manage their emotions appropriately in social situations. For example:
- Over-Stimulated Nervous System: This might look like explosive anger, frustration, or high anxiety. The brain perceives even minor challenges as threats, leading to heightened emotional reactions.
- Under-Stimulated Nervous System: This often presents as withdrawal, low energy, suppressing emotions or lack of response. The child may appear “checked out” or unable to engage because their brain isn’t activated enough to process emotional input.
Factors contributing to emotional dysregulation include genetics, stressful situations, environment, and experiences. For example, a dysregulated child with a genetic predisposition to anxiety may have a more reactive amygdala. Environmental stressors, such as inconsistent routines or high-pressure situations, can further strain their ability to regulate emotions. Additionally, early trauma or attachment disruptions can impair the development of self-regulation skills.
7 Strategies for Managing a Dysregulated Child
Parenting children who struggle with emotional dysregulation can feel like navigating a constant maze of unexpected challenges. Whether it's managing school projects, household chores, or everyday interactions, these moments can quickly escalate into meltdowns and tantrums. Understanding that a child's behavior and mental health issues stem from the dysregulation of the nervous system is crucial. With the right strategies, you can help your child regain control and foster a more harmonious home environment.
1. Guiding Kids Through Emotions
Learning about emotions is a critical step if children struggle with dysregulation. Start by teaching your child to recognize and name their emotions, which is the foundation for registering emotions effectively. Use real-life examples, such as noticing body language and facial expressions in themselves and others, to help them understand how emotions show up physically. Getting down to your child’s eye level during conversations fosters connection and makes it easier for them to feel understood, creating a safe space to explore their feelings.
Understanding emotions also improves peer relationships by teaching socially acceptable ways to express feelings like frustration or excitement. Help your child notice how their behavior or emotional outbursts impact others, whether through tone of voice, actions, or facial expressions. Practicing these emotion regulation skills in everyday situations can improve communication and reduce conflicts, setting your child up for more positive and meaningful social interactions.
2. Manage Sleep Time
Sleep is foundational for emotional regulation, yet it’s often disrupted by late-night study sessions, activities, or inconsistent routines. Without sufficient sleep, kids become more irritable and less equipped to handle big emotions.
Maintain a consistent bedtime whenever possible, even on weekends, to establish a rhythm. Parents should encourage quiet, calming activities like reading or listening to soothing music before bed to help their child wind down. Also, limit screen time for at least an hour before bedtime—blue light interferes with melatonin production, making it harder for the brain to relax.
3. Set Social Expectations
Social settings can be overwhelming for a child's dysregulated brain. They don't interact with other children the same way other kids do. Small things can trigger them to disproportionate reactions. Whether it’s a classroom group project or a noisy family gathering, these situations can easily trigger them.
Prepare your child by practicing scenarios through role-playing, which can help them build confidence in handling social challenges. Communicate with teachers and family members about your child’s needs to create a supportive environment. Teach them simple coping skills, like taking a deep breath, express emotions positively, or stepping away for a moment to self-regulate during overwhelming interactions. These strategies can also support positive emotional expression, helping your child communicate their big feelings more effectively.
4. Address Sensory Input
For many children, sensory overload—bright lights, loud noises, or chaotic environments—can exacerbate emotional dysregulation. It can even lead to temper tantrums in younger children. This can result in excessive emotional responses that are disproportionate to the sensory input, making it difficult for the child to maintain emotional control. By managing sensory input, you can help them maintain a sense of calm and control.
Create a quiet, calming space at home where your child can retreat when needed, equipped with sensory-friendly items like weighted blankets or noise-canceling headphones. Encourage sensory breaks throughout the day, such as deep breathing, stretching, or short walks. Adjust the environment by softening lighting and reducing clutter to minimize sensory triggers.
Research has shown that sensory-based interventions can significantly improve emotional regulation in children, helping them feel more balanced and in control.
5. Teach Self Regulation Skills
Dysregulated kids often struggle with controlling their emotions because their nervous system is in overdrive. This can lead to meltdowns, frustration, or shutting down when they feel overwhelmed. Self-regulation acts as a bridge, helping kids slow down, process their emotions, and choose a response that feels safe and manageable. It doesn’t just calm the chaos at the moment—it builds resilience over time.
When a child learns self-regulation, they can better handle stress, manage transitions, and recover from emotional outbursts. Whether it’s taking a deep breath, self reflection, stepping away for a moment, or using coping strategies like mindfulness, these skills empower kids to face challenges without feeling out of control. For parents, this means fewer reactive moments and more opportunities for connection and learning.
6. Focus on Nutrition
Nutrition plays a significant role in emotional regulation. The simple act of adding high nutrients foods in their eating routine can make a difference. Balanced meals with consistent protein and nutrient intake support brain function and stabilize mood.
Offer snacks with proteins and complex carbs, like yogurt or whole-grain crackers, to sustain energy throughout the day. Ensure meals include a variety of nutrients while limiting sugary foods that can cause energy spikes and crashes. Involve your child in meal planning and preparation—it gives them a sense of control and ensures they enjoy what they’re eating.
7. Reinforce Emotional Regulation Skills
Even with these strategies in place, challenging and ‘bad behavior' can happen. Positive parenting techniques can help shift your child’s focus toward healthier emotional patterns.
Praise their successes, no matter how small—acknowledging positive behaviors reinforces them. When things don’t go as planned, guide your child in reframing the situation to find a learning opportunity and teach problem solving skills. Finally, when emotions run high, respond calmly. Offering comfort and a safe space to cool down can help de-escalate the situation, teaching them how to self-regulate over time.
Holistic Approaches to Managing Emotional Dysregulation
Managing emotional dysregulation requires more than just addressing behaviors—it’s about supporting the whole child. Holistic approaches focus on calming the nervous system, strengthening emotional resilience, and creating a balanced environment. By combining strategies that nurture the mind, body, and emotions, we can help children build the skills they need to thrive.
Mindfulness and Meditation
Practices like mindfulness meditation can help individuals become more aware of their emotions and reactions, allowing for better emotional regulation. Breathework is a great technique to calm overwhelming negative emotions. Practicing mindfulness makes one aware of our own emotions so we can learn to regulate. Self-regulation and healthy coping strategies are essential for managing mental health challenges, not just in children but throughout a person’s life. These skills provide a strong foundation for emotional well-being and resilience in the face of life’s challenges.
Neurofeedback
Neurofeedback is a non-invasive therapy that trains the brain to self-regulate, making it an effective tool for managing emotional dysregulation. By providing real-time feedback on brainwave activity, it helps the brain achieve balance, reducing symptoms of anxiety, depression, and mood disorders.
This technique strengthens the brain’s ability to respond to emotional stimuli in healthier ways, promoting long-term emotional stability. When combined with behavioral therapy, neurofeedback can further improve resilience and mental well-being, offering a powerful solution for emotional regulation challenges.
Nutrition and Diet
A balanced diet rich in omega-3 fatty acids, magnesium, and other nutrients supports brain health and can improve emotional stability.
Physical Activity
Regular exercise reduces stress and anxiety, boosts mood, and enhances overall mental and physical health. Physical activities like yoga and breathwork helps. These practices combine physical postures, breathing exercises, and meditation to calm the nervous system and improve emotional balance.
Herbs and Supplements
Natural supplements like St. John’s Wort, valerian root, and ashwagandha may help manage stress and anxiety, although they should be used under mental health professionals.
Magnesium is a mineral that plays a crucial role in regulating emotional dysregulation. It supports brain function and helps modulate neurotransmitters, which are essential for mood stabilization. Adequate levels of magnesium can contribute to reduced symptoms of anxiety, depression and symptoms of other mental health conditions.
Magnesium helps to regulate the nervous system, which can be beneficial for individuals experiencing intense or unstable emotions. Ensuring sufficient magnesium intake through diet or supplements may aid in managing emotional dysregulation and improving overall mental health.
Acupuncture
This traditional Chinese medicine technique helps balance the body’s energy flow, potentially reducing emotional disturbances.
Sleep Hygiene
Prioritizing good sleep habits is crucial for emotional regulation, as poor sleep can exacerbate mood swings and emotional instability.
Therapy and Counseling
Holistic therapy approaches, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), focus on identifying and changing thought patterns that contribute to emotional dysregulation. PEMF therapy has also been known to support the regulation of the nervous system.
Research suggests how emotional dysregulation contributes to depression, using longitudinal studies to identify which emotional difficulties predict depressive symptoms, onset, and recurrence. Therapy can also be effective in addressing post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which often manifests through extreme emotional outbursts and requires targeted treatment. It reviews how addressing these emotional issues in treatment and therapy can be effective. (Bailen et al., 2023)
Parenting Support
Emotional dysregulation doesn’t define your child—it’s a signal that their nervous system needs extra support. With intentional strategies and a focus on connection, you can help them build the skills they need to thrive. If you need parenting support, the Dysregulation Solution is designed to calm the chaos, address the root causes, and help your child—and your family—find balance. Let’s take the first step toward creating calmer, more connected days together. Learn more about our online program here.
Can my child’s dysregulation lead to anxiety disorder?
Yes, chronic dysregulation can increase the likelihood of developing an anxiety disorder if left unaddressed. Anxiety disorders, along with other mental health issues, can be associated with children who experience difficulties in emotional regulation due to adverse childhood experiences. Emotional dysregulation keeps the brain in a state of heightened stress, making it harder for your child to process fears, worries, or challenges. Over time, this ongoing stress can rewire the brain’s response to everyday situations, increasing anxiety.
When should I seek the help of a mental health professional?
Seek professional help if your child’s emotional dysregulation is frequent, intense, or disrupts daily life. Key signs include frequent meltdowns, persistent anxiety, struggles at home or school, or aggressive/withdrawn behavior. Early intervention can address underlying issues and provide effective strategies for regulation.
Can my child outgrow his big emotions?
Many kids feel emotions intensely because their ability to register emotions and respond in proportion is still developing. As children grow, their distress tolerance improves, especially with guidance from parents. Older children often compare their reactions to situations more effectively, but if big emotions persist, support may be needed to help them build regulation skills. Parents play a key role in helping their child navigate and outgrow overwhelming emotions.
Can a dysregulated brain lead to other mental health concerns?
Research shows that emotional dysregulation is commonly associated with conditions like ADHD, autism spectrum disorder (ASD), anxiety, and mood disorders. This includes childhood disorders like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD), which are characterized by challenges in emotional expression and extreme emotional outbursts, respectively. However, it can also occur in children without a formal diagnosis, especially if their nervous system is under stress from trauma, chronic illness, or sensory processing challenges. A kid with a dysregulated brain has an increased risk of acquiring a mental health issue. Early intervention is important even at school age, as brain development is ongoing, and the right coping skills should be taught to support emotional regulation and resilience.
Citations
Bailen, N. H., & Thompson, R. J. (2023). Emotion dysregulation. In D. J. A. Dozois & K. S. Dobson (Eds.), Treatment of psychosocial risk factors in depression (pp. 181–206). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/0000332-009
O'Brien, K. S., & Nelson, R. H. (1976). Sensory input and its relevance to psychotherapeutic procedures. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, 13(3), 274–279. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0088355
Always remember… “Calm Brain, Happy Family™”
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regime. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment vary by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC does not guarantee certain results.
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Dr. Roseann is a Children’s Mental Health Expert and Licensed Therapist who has been featured in/on hundreds of media outlets including The Mel Robbins Show, CBS, NBC, PIX11 NYC, Today, FORBES, CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Business Insider, Women’s Day, Healthline, CNET, Parade Magazine and PARENTS. FORBES called her, “A thought leader in children’s mental health.”
She coined the terms, “Re-entry panic syndrome” and “eco-anxiety” and is a frequent contributor to media on mental health.
Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge has three decades of experience in working with children, teens and their families with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, concussion, dyslexia and learning disability, anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), depression and mood disorder, Lyme Disease, and PANS/PANDAS using science-backed natural mental health solutions such as supplements, magnesium, nutrition, QEEG Brain maps, neurofeedback, PEMF, psychotherapy and other non-medication approaches.
She is the author of three bestselling books, It’s Gonna Be OK!: Proven Ways to Improve Your Child's Mental Health, The Teletherapy Toolkit, and Brain Under Attack. Dr. Roseann is known for offering a message of hope through science-endorsed methods that promote a calm brain.
Her trademarked BrainBehaviorResetⓇ Program and It’s Gonna be OK!Ⓡ Podcast has been a cornerstone for thousands of parents facing mental health, behavioral or neurodevelopmental challenges.
She is the founder and director of The Global Institute of Children’s Mental Health, Neurotastic™Brain Formulas and Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC. Dr. Roseann is a Board Certified Neurofeedback (BCN) Practitioner, a Board Member of the Northeast Region Biofeedback Society (NRBS), Certified Integrative Mental Health Professional (CIMHP) and an Amen Clinic Certified Brain Health Coach. She is also a member of The International Lyme Disease and Associated Disease Society (ILADS), The American Psychological Association (APA), Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) National Association of School Psychologists (NASP), International OCD Foundation (IOCDF).
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