Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
If your child’s behavior feels confusing, extreme, or unpredictable, you’re not alone. So many parents feel scared because they don’t know why their child is melting down, refusing, or spiraling—and they worry it might be ODD, PANS/PANDAS, or something even more serious.
This episode breaks down why behaviors overlap across conditions and why the real answer lies in calming the brain first. You’ll learn how dysregulation works, what parents get wrong, and the detective skills you need to identify root causes.
Why does my child get so angry or anxious out of nowhere?
When kids are overwhelmed, their fight–flight–freeze response kicks in, and behavior goes off the rails. This isn’t defiance—it’s a dysregulated brain doing its best to cope.
When anger or anxiety spikes, your child’s thinking brain (the prefrontal cortex) goes offline. That’s why they act impulsively, get stuck, or seem irrational.
What helps calm the brain:
- Mindfulness and deep, slow breathing
- Movement (especially vestibular input like rocking or swinging)
- Talking to a supportive adult
- Sensory-regulating activities
- Getting to the root cause, not just reacting to behavior
(This is why I use QEEG brain maps—they show what’s actually happening.)
Parent Story
A parent notices that every time homework starts, their child snaps. Once they realize the trigger is anxiety, not attitude, everything changes. Behavior is communication, not character.
How do I become a “parent detective” when I’m overwhelmed myself?
Parents are emotionally invested in their kids—of course you are. But big emotions can cloud the ability to see patterns.
Being a “parent detective” means:
- Stepping back from the heat of the moment
- Observing what triggers the behavior, when it happens, and how long it lasts
- Looking for patterns, not one-off incidents
- Staying curious, not critical
- Knowing when to bring in a professional
Remember: It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. Become a Dysregulation Insider VIP and get your FREE Regulation Rescue Kit: How to Stay Calm When Your Child Pushes Your Buttons and Stop Oppositional Behaviors. Head to www.drroseann.com/newsletter and start your calm parenting journey today.
What should I do when my kids are totally out of control?
I want to remind you: the issue isn’t the complexity of the problem—it’s often our attitude toward the problem. Feeling hopeless makes everything harder, while a proactive mindset opens the door to solutions.
Start with your oxygen mask first:
- Calm your own nervous system
- Speak softly
- Keep your body still and grounded
- Reduce sensory input
- Then observe what’s really happening
Core tools that help:
- Holistic approaches (movement, breathwork, sensory supports)
- Looking at the multi-layered causes—sleep, stress, inflammation, trauma, infections
Parent Story
A parent tries to argue with a dysregulated child. Once they switch to calming themselves first, the child’s behavior softens too. Co-regulation works.
How do I get my partner or caregivers on the same page?
It’s nearly impossible to help a dysregulated child when adults are dysregulated or misaligned.
To build a united front:
- Share clear information and resources
- Avoid blame—focus on the child’s nervous system
- Join a support group; community reduces stress
- Work with providers who empower BOTH parents
- Keep communication open and judgment-free
When everyone responds consistently, kids feel safer—and safety calms the brain.
🗣️ “No learning and no behavioral change can happen with a stress-activated nervous system. You must calm the brain first.” — Dr. Roseann
Takeaway & What’s Next
Your child’s behavior isn’t random, and it’s not a moral failing. It’s a brain-based stress response that often looks like ODD, ADHD, anxiety, or PANS/PANDAS.
When you calm the brain first and step into your role as a parent detective, you finally get answers—and hope.
FAQs
How do I know if it’s ODD or just dysregulation?
Look at patterns. If the behavior escalates under stress and improves with regulation strategies, it’s usually dysregulation, not defiance.
Can PANS/PANDAS look like ODD?
Yes. Sudden irritability, rage, and impulsivity often stem from infection-triggered brain inflammation.
What should I track as a parent detective?
Triggers, time of day, sleep quality, transitions, sensory overload, and food intake.
Does calming the brain help all conditions?
Yes. A regulated nervous system improves behavior across ADHD, anxiety, OCD, PANS/PANDAS, and mood issues.
Every child’s journey is different. That’s why cookie-cutter solutions don’t work.
Take the free Solution Matcher Quiz and get a customized path to support your child’s emotional and behavioral needs—no guessing, no fluff.
Start today at www.drroseann.com/help
