Feeling stuck in a daily battle of wills over even the simplest request? You’re not alone—and this checklist is here to help reset the stress.
If your child’s behavior feels out of control lately, you’re not alone. I’m Dr. Roseann Capanna‑Hodge, and I believe that behind every meltdown is a brain trying to feel safe.
In this article, you’ll learn to use a Pathological Demand Avoidance Checklist to spot demand‑avoidance patterns. You’ll also understand the “why” behind them, and start building calmer, more connected days together.
What Exactly is A Pathological Demand Avoidance Checklist?
Think of this checklist as your parent‑friendly guide to noticing patterns you might already be living through but haven’t named yet.
- Purpose: Helps you spot PDA signs (especially demand avoidance autism, anxiety‑driven behaviors) so you’re not lost in the moment, but can advocate confidently.
- Not a diagnosis, but a tool for connection and clarity—it lets you say, “I’m seeing a pattern here. My child isn’t being oppositional—they’re overwhelmed” (Green et al., 2018).
- Includes sections like daily demands, social strategies, emotional lability, flexibility, and obsessive interests. It’s just like Dr. Roseann’s downloadable PDA parent checklist.
How Do I Know If My Child Shows PDA Signs?
In simple moments—like resisting “easy” tasks or turning down a cherished activity—PDA might be quietly playing out.
Research tells us that PDA isn’t just defiance. It’s an anxiety-driven, need-for-control response that’s far beyond typical resistance (O’Nions, Christie, Gould, Viding, & Happé, 2014).
Looks like:
- Obsessive refusal to comply (“It’s like a flat wall went up,” parent of Max shared in AdditudeMag).
- Social strategies: distraction, negotiation, meltdown if pushed.
- Emotional swings: sweet one moment, furious the next.
- Difficulty expressing thoughts or emotions
Real-life example:
Verna, mom of 10-year-old Alen, says, “He stopped his favorite game when asked to pause—and threw all his toys. I thought it was defiance. The checklist helped me see it was overwhelm.”
Takeaway:
When compliance feels threatening, you’re not witnessing misbehavior. You’re actually seeing anxiety-fueled avoidance. Let’s calm the brain first.
What’s the Difference Between PDA and ODD or ADHD?
It’s not bad parenting. It’s a dysregulated brain demanding autonomy in its own way.
| Feel like… | PDA (Anxiety-driven) | ODD (Defiance-driven) | ADHD-related avoidance |
|---|---|---|---|
| Motivation | Fear of losing control | Willful pushback | Executive dysfunction |
| Strategy | Excuses, distraction, role-play | Argues, blames, defies | Procrastination, inattention |
| Typical triggers | Simple tasks light a fuse | Direct authority or correction | Boring, overwhelming work |
- PDA: deep anxiety, need to control—reframing demands helps (Newson et al., 2003; Green et al., 2018).
- ODD: driven by mood and defiance (Green et al., 2018).
- ADHD-related: often executive-function struggles, not anxiety (O’Nions et al., 2014).
We once had a child at the center named Mia. When Mia’s stickers were taken away, she kept hissing ‘Fine then!’ That looked like ODD. But when I realized the request felt controlling to her, switching to playful language diffused it.
Tip: Understand the “why” behind avoidance—anxiety or logic—before responding.
What parenting strategies actually work for PDA?
If normal discipline doesn’t help, that’s your clue: typical tools aren’t for PDA. We need a low-demand, brain-first approach.
Strategies that help:
- Low‑demand language: “I’m getting my shoes on,” instead of “Go get yours.”
- Playful offers instead of commands: “Shall we pick a toothbrush next?”
- Give choices: even around trivial things (like which fork), to restore control
- Add novelty or humor: lighten the mood and shift from threat to connection
- Prep for change slowly: visuals, stories, count-downs
- Honor big emotions: “What I’m hearing is that this is overwhelming for you.”
Real-life example:
“I used to demand bedtime; now I ask, ‘Would you like to go brush your teeth or read with me?’ And magic happened—cooperation came back.” — Parent of 8-year-old Lucas
How Early Is Too Early to Spot PDA Traits?
Early identification isn’t about labels—it’s about support.
- PDA isn’t an official DSM-5 diagnosis, but recognizing its traits early lets you “track trends instead of tantrums” (Green et al., 2018).
- Even if a full profile doesn’t develop, spotting patterns (like emotional lability or strategic resistance) gives your family a head start
- Get professionals involved once patterns emerge, not when crises hit
Tip: The checklist helps you notice early signs—behaviors that used to seem random or willful might actually be distress signals.
Can Therapy or Professionals Support PDA—What Should I Ask For?
Yes—yes—and yes. But only when they understand PDA’s nuances.
What to look for:
- PDA-aware professionals who see avoidance as communication, not manipulation
- Therapies like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which focus on flexibility, have been suggested for children with PDA (O’Nions et al., 2014).
- Transdisciplinary support—speech, OT, psychology, school—to meet emotional, communication, and sensory needs
- Peer support communities like PDA North America or PDA Society for compassionate understanding
“PDA is rooted in anxiety, not defiance – and shifting to low‑demand, safe language opens the door to connection.” —Dr. Nicole Carvill, Think Psychologists
Your Path Forward With PDA
You’ve learned:
- How to use a Pathological Demand Avoidance Checklist to make sense of defiance
- The real differences between PDA, ODD, and ADHD-related avoidance
- Gentle, collaborative strategies that honor your child’s brain, not punish it
- Why early awareness and the right support can change your home for the better
You’re not alone. Behavior is communication. It’s gonna be OK.
Want more support? Download our Free PDA Parenting Checklist and begin turning overwhelm into understanding—one step at a time.
FAQs About Our PDA Checklist
What if my child doesn’t fit all PDA characteristics?
It’s OK—these behaviors exist on a spectrum. The checklist isn’t binary; it helps you know what patterns are showing up now. You don’t need a “PDA diagnosis” to benefit from this information.
Is PDA the same as a formal diagnosis?
No. PDA isn’t recognized by DSM‑5 or ICD‑10—but naming it helps shape understanding and compassionate support
Can these strategies make things worse?
Only if your response makes your child feel even more out of control. That’s why low-demand language, playfulness, and connection-first approaches are key.
Can teens and adults have PDA traits?
Yes. PDA can shift over time, but the need to feel in control and avoid anxiety can persist—even if it looks different. The same supportive, empathy-first strategies still help.
Terminologies
- PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance): A pattern of extreme avoidance of everyday demands due to underlying anxiety—not official diagnostic label.
- Low-demand language: Speaking in a way that reduces perceived pressure (e.g., “I’m putting my shoes on now” vs “Go put on your shoes”).
- Emotional lability: Rapid shifts in mood—one moment calm, the next distressed.
- ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy): Therapy focused on flexibility, values-based action, and accepting difficult thoughts/feelings.
Citations:
Newson, E., Le Maréchal, K., & David, C. (2003). Pathological demand avoidance syndrome: A necessary distinction within the pervasive developmental disorders. Archives of Disease in Childhood, 88(7), 595–600. https://adc.bmj.com/content/88/7/595
O’Nions, E., Christie, P., Gould, J., Viding, E., & Happé, F. (2014). Development of the ‘Extreme Demand Avoidance Questionnaire’ (EDA-Q): Preliminary observations on a trait measure for Pathological Demand Avoidance. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 55(7), 758–768. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12149
Green, J., Absoud, M., Grahame, V., Malik, O., Simonoff, E., Le Couteur, A., & Baird, G. (2018). Pathological Demand Avoidance: symptoms but not a syndrome. The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health, 2(6), 455–464. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2352-4642(18)30044-0
Always remember… “Calm Brain, Happy Family™”
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice, and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regimen. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment varies by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC, does not guarantee specific results.
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