Parenting skills are influenced by many factors and one of these factors is how you were raised as a child. As such, negative upbringing affects how you are as a parent insofar as your previous experiences deeply shape your attitudes, behaviors, and emotional responses as parents.
Recognizing the impact of one's own upbringing and seeking support to address negative patterns and experiences can definitely pave the way for healthier and more positive parenting. That is why we will be discussing negativity in relation to parenting in today’s episode.
How negativity is affecting parents.
Many parents believe in a disciplinary model which means that their parenting skills involve pointing out everything that their kids are doing wrong. Many parents can relate to this but despite such good intentions, you shouldn’t be doing that.
Constantly pointing out their wrongs can lead to kids feeling criticized, discouraged, and unmotivated. This may also affect their self-esteem and confidence and can hinder their ability to explore and learn from their experiences.
Generally, we are wired to see the negativities in life. This perception dates back to the time of the cavemen where everything was dangerous which is why they had to be alert and on the lookout all the time. That is why we really have to exert more effort in seeing the positive to be able to help our kids who are neurodivergent or who have mental health issues.
We have to take into consideration that things are different now. Many things have changed and progressed – even parenting styles. Now, we know more about the best ways to parent a kid's brain so that they can be more self-regulated, happy and healthy.
Modern parenting takes on a more compassionate, careful and informed approach towards kids. Moreover, it helps create strong emotional connections with their kids, emphasizing empathy and trust. Boundaries are set with explanations, rather than imposing a strict punishment, enabling kids to understand the consequences and develop better self-regulation skills.
Your subconscious shows up when you're talking.
Our subconscious will always reveal the truth. If you let your guard down, and you move into a subconscious state, you'll fall back into those negative patterns.
These negative patterns can arise from past traumas, unresolved issues, or negative experiences that we may not be fully aware of in our conscious state and can affect our relationships, decision-making, and overall well-being.
And as adults, we may not always be consciously aware of these negative patterns or thought processes. Yet, they can still influence our behaviors, attitudes, and reactions to various circumstances. If a parent had a negative or authoritarian upbringing, their subconscious mind might default to similar patterns of behavior.
Acknowledging and understanding the influence of the subconscious mind is important when it comes to ending the cycle of the negative patterns. Mindfulness and self-reflection can help parents become more aware of their emotions, reactions, and beliefs, allowing them to identify any negative patterns and their underlying causes.
Negative childhood triggers.
Parents may have reinforced unhealthy communication or negative experiences as you were growing up. And sometimes, these are triggered when we get angry because of our kids which is why we tend to fall back on the same old patterns.
For example, if a parent grew up in an environment where expressing emotions was discouraged or met with criticism, they may struggle to handle their child's emotional outbursts. And if a parent experienced harsh discipline or control during their childhood, they might resort to similar tactics when feeling frustrated with their own child's behavior.
We have to remember that our kids regulate themselves off of us. That is why if we’re sharing this aggressive energy towards them instead of our calm, they’re negatively affected. Thus, negativity ruins your parenting.
The importance of a positive attitude.
A lot of my work is actually about removing the negativity bias of parents because it really slows down their kids' progress. You have to break that negativity to help your child focus more on the positive things. Take the time to reflect on your own upbringing and identify any negative patterns or triggers that may be affecting your parenting.
Be patient with yourself. If you do find yourself falling into old patterns, take the time to communicate openly and honestly with your child. By being optimistic and removing negativity bias, we get to address these triggers and patterns, create a healthier and more positive environment for our kids, and promote good overall well-being and positive parent-child relationships.
For more information about negativity bias, you can read this blog post: Nixing The Negativity Bias in Our Kids And Parenting
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