Naturally, as parents, we want to protect our kids from anything that’s going to cause them discomfort or pain. However, sometimes, parents become overprotective that they wrap their kids in a bubble so they’d never experience any stress. As a result, their kids have little to no tolerance when it comes to stress.
In today’s episode, we’ll be talking about how to reverse bubble wrap parenting and help your kids develop resilience so that they can be stress slayers not just today but also in the future.
We all need a tribe.
It’s important to be in a supportive environment; we all need a tribe. Being a parent can be emotionally challenging, and being part of a supportive community enables you to express and discuss your experiences, worries, and moments of happiness with people who share the same values and perspectives.
There’s a fine line between protection and bubble wrap parenting. My parents gave me freedom to do things that I want to do but I knew what my limits were.
Of course, you can’t just let your kids do absolutely anything they want but it is important to note that they need to know what failure is like so that they would be able to know how to solve problems and to manage things better. My parents let me experience failures when I was growing up because that’s a normal part of life.
What is autonomous parenting?
Autonomous parenting is a personal favorite of mine when it comes to parenting styles. It's like authoritative parenting but with more of a positive parenting spin as well as a bit of a rope for you to actually make mistakes.
When we let our kids be autonomous and make choices, we’re sort of giving them control. It doesn’t mean, however, that we’re giving in to what they want every single time. Rather, we’re guiding them along the way to be better problem solvers and decision makers.
My kids experience actual problems now and I love that they come up with a solution every time and just check with me if their solutions are alright. That's the beauty of doing autonomous parenting.
There’s this book entitled ‘The Blessing Of A Skinned Knee’ that I think every parent should read. It teaches us about raising a self-reliant kid and the challenges that come with it. Giving kids the freedom to explore and experience things on their own fosters a sense of independence and helps them develop a strong sense of self and discover their own interests and strengths.
How to develop frustration tolerance.
It's really important for kids to develop frustration tolerance. That comes from making mistakes and figuring things out on their own. This is not to say that you’re going to leave them to their own problems but you can be there as their coach to assist them and be their role model.
Give your kids insights into how you're coming up with these decisions while letting them have control and making them come up with their own choices. I know it's scary to give your kids control when they're dysregulated but the more control that they get over time, the more regulated they get.
Hence, it’s important to co-regulate with them. Don't approach your kids when you’re angry or when they’re a hot mess. You can inform them that you’re not in an optimal mood to be speaking at the moment because of your frustration. That’s better than yelling at them.
We also have to be consistent in reinforcing the behaviors that we want to instill in our kids. It's not going to be easy but then the great things in life typically aren't easy. For more information, you can read the following blog posts:
Links and Resources:
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