Parenting a child with PANS/PANDAS, mood, or behavioral challenges can often feel overwhelming, especially when dysregulation takes over. Dysregulation doesn’t just affect the child; it creates a ripple effect, impacting the entire family dynamic. In these situations, it’s easy to get caught in a cycle of reactivity, where frustration and confusion take the place of connection and calm.
Learning how to regulate your child’s nervous system while staying calm yourself can break this cycle, allowing you to better support your child and regain a sense of balance in your home. So make sure to stick with me in this episode, as we dive into quick and effective techniques to calm your dysregulated child.
Sensory Techniques for Calming Dysregulation
Dysregulation is one of the most challenging issues for both kids and parents to navigate as it may disrupt the entire family dynamic. That is why it's important to understand that dysregulation is a sign that the nervous system is struggling to find balance. There are three quick and easy techniques I want to share that anyone can use to calm a dysregulated child with PANS/PANDAS, mood or behavioral issues. These techniques activate the parasympathetic nervous system and help bring us into a deep, relaxed state. With practice, they get easier and faster, and you’ll notice a decrease in emotional dysregulation, irritability, agitation, and other signs of stress.
Sensory tools are vital in helping calm a dysregulated nervous system. They work by providing input that helps the body feel safe and grounded, which is essential when a child is experiencing emotional or physical dysregulation. For instance, a weighted blanket doesn’t just feel cozy—it applies deep pressure that has a soothing effect on the nervous system, signaling that it’s okay to relax. These tools aren’t just for kids; they’re helpful for adults too.
Whether it’s a soft fidget, noise-canceling headphones, or deep pressure from a hug, sensory tools can create moments of calm in overwhelming situations. When used consistently, they help build a pattern of regulation, making it easier to manage stress and emotional challenges over time.
Heart Hug Technique
The heart hug is a simple yet powerful tool to calm a dysregulated child and help them feel safe. When kids experience activation, their nervous system shifts into sympathetic dominance—the fight, flight, or freeze state. Without intervention, this state can escalate. The heart hug counters this by activating the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and regulation. This technique takes just a few minutes a day and serves as a meaningful way to reconnect with your child during emotionally charged moments.
To do a heart hug, place your right hand over your heart and your left hand on your right shoulder. For younger children, you can sit behind them and gently apply the heart hug on their behalf. By synchronizing your breath and applying gentle pressure, this technique signals safety to the nervous system, creating calm and connection. Used consistently, even for just 10 minutes daily, the heart hug can help regulate emotions, ease tension, and strengthen the parent-child bond.
Diaphragmatic Breathing Technique
Diaphragmatic breathing is a grounding technique that helps calm the nervous system and move it into a parasympathetic state, which promotes relaxation and regulation. To practice this, encourage your child to sit with their feet on the ground and pull up their knees. Breathe in deeply through the nose, hold for a moment if possible, and exhale slowly. With younger children, you can place a stuffed animal on their belly to help them focus on their breathing and see the rise and fall of their diaphragm.
This rhythmic breathing process reassures the nervous system, signaling that it is safe to relax. This technique can be used both proactively and reactively. The key is consistency; even a few minutes a day can build a habit that supports emotional regulation, preventing meltdowns and creating a calmer environment for both parent and child.
Butterfly Tapping Technique
Another quick technique is the butterfly tapping technique which is an effective method to help calm a dysregulated nervous system, particularly for kids stuck in a heightened state of activation, such as fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This method uses bilateral stimulation, rhythmic tapping, and coordinated breathwork to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, signaling the body to relax and feel safe. To practice butterfly tapping, you have to cross your hands over your chest, forming a butterfly shape with your thumbs linked. Gently tap your chest alternately with each hand while breathing deeply. Inhale through your nose, hold briefly, and exhale slowly.
If working with a young child, sit behind them and gently tap for them in a rhythmic pattern. This is especially effective during transitions, which are common triggers for dysregulation. For example, if your child struggles with transitions from devices or activities, you can incorporate butterfly tapping as part of the routine to ease the shift. Butterfly tapping works best when practiced consistently, ideally for at least 10 minutes daily. For more dysregulated children, longer sessions (up to 30 minutes) may be necessary. Regular use can help prevent the nervous system from becoming stuck in a heightened state, improving emotional regulation over time.
Incorporating these techniques into daily routines, such as before school, after returning home, or during moments of potential dysregulation, can significantly reduce emotional stress. Not only does it benefit your child, but it also helps parents feel more prepared and patient during challenging moments, creating a calmer, more connected family environment.
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