The Dysregulation Insider Newsletter #21

🧰Your Regulation First™ Parenting Tool of the Week: Parent Co-Regulation Self-Check Quiz. DOWNLOAD NOW!

🔎 CASE STUDY

“Reset First, Respond Second” Inside a Real Home

FAMILY SNAPSHOT:
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‍Parent: Jordan

‍Child: Leo, age 8 (anxious, sensory-sensitive, after-school overwhelm)

‍Struggle: The moment backpacks hit the floor, meltdowns began—slamming doors, refusing to talk, shutting down. Even the smallest requests made things worse.

🔍 The Pattern (Before)

After school, Leo walked in tense and prickly, already close to a meltdown.
Jordan tried to jump into problem-solving or pep talks, which only escalated things.
Any attempts to redirect or offer choices spiraled into yelling and tears.
Jordan felt defeated every night, wondering why “all the right techniques” weren’t working.

💡 What Jordan Tried Instead:

The Reset First Rule

1. Noticed Her Signal

Instead of reacting to the first slammed door, she checked her own cues: tight chest, fast breathing.

2. Regulated Herself First

She took 30 seconds in the hallway to breathe slowly and soften her posture before approaching Leo.

3. Led With Safety, Not Solutions

“I’m here. Take your time. We don’t have to talk yet.”

4. Stayed Nearby Without Pressure

She sat at the kitchen table and simply hummed softly—something that always grounded her.

5. Waited for His Nervous System to Settle

Only after his shoulders dropped and his voice steadied did she gently guide him toward the next step.
“Let’s put your things down together and take a quick break.”

🌟 What Changed (After 1 Week)

Meltdowns went from 45 minutes to under 10.
Leo walked in less on edge and asked for help instead of exploding.
Transitions were smoother because Jordan wasn’t adding her stress to his dysregulation.
Their after-school time no longer felt like “survival mode.”
Jordan said, “I finally felt like the parent I want to be.”

🧠 Why This Worked

A child in fight-flight cannot process language or problem-solving.
A regulated adult becomes a cue of safety, making a child’s nervous system settle.
Instead of matching Leo’s energy, Jordan shifted the entire emotional tone of the evening.
When calm enters first, cooperation follows naturally.

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