Wondering if your child’s behavior is just a passing phase or a signal that something deeper is going on? It’s not always easy to tell the difference, but one thing is clear: understanding your child’s behavior and emotional development is the key to supporting their emotional health and development, and distinguishing between typical behavior and a behavior disorder is important in getting the support they need.
As I always tell the parents that I work with, understanding your child’s problematic or challenging behaviour is not about fixing them—it’s about recognizing what their actions are communicating. Emotional development plays a crucial role in understanding a child's behavior. Whether it’s aggressive behaviour, defiance, or withdrawal, children’s behaviors often stem from unmet needs or an overwhelmed nervous system.
Is it just a phase that kids go through, or is it something else?
Behavioral Changes Across Developmental Phases and Child's Age
Child development is a journey full of milestones, challenges, and opportunities for growth. Each phase, depending on brain development and the child’s age, brings its own unique set of childhood behaviors that reflect where your child is developmentally.
Emotional development plays a crucial role in understanding these behaviors and providing the necessary support for their mental health. By understanding these phases, you can meet your child where they are while identifying when they may need additional support.
Behavior at every stage is a window into your child’s development. By tuning in and responding with empathy, you can guide them toward emotional growth and resilience.

When Behaviors Signal Behavior Problems
When Sarah’s 7-year-old son, Joey, started having frequent outbursts after his time out of school, she initially thought he was just tired or hungry. However, as weeks turned into months, these outbursts became more intense and disruptive. Understanding emotional development can help identify when a child needs more support. Joey had frequent tantrums and would throw objects and shut himself in his room, refusing to talk about what was wrong.
While these phases are a normal part of growing up, sometimes behaviors may signal that your child needs more support. Look for signs of dysregulation such as:
- Behaviors that are too frequent, intense, or disruptive.
- Emotional or social challenges that interfere with daily life.
- Persistent struggles that don’t improve over time.
Conditions like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and other behavior problems can also contribute to these challenges.
For example, tantrums are normal for toddlers but may indicate a dysfunction if they continue intensely in older children. Similarly, social withdrawal in early age by a shy preschooler is expected, but if your teenager avoids all social activities, it could be a sign of anxiety or depression.
Sarah’s behavioral concerns were validated when a teacher pointed out Joey’s struggles in joining group activities and having frequent fights with classmates. After consulting with a mental health professional, Sarah learned that Joey’s outbursts were symptoms of Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD) triggered by an overstimulated nervous system.
Behaviors Are Your Child’s Communication
Like Joey’s meltdowns, behaviors are often a child’s way of saying, “Something doesn’t feel right.” Emotional development influences a child's way of communicating through behavior, as their ability to express feelings verbally is still growing. When we look beneath the surface of disruptive behaviors, we can better understand what’s going on in our child’s mind and body.
These behaviors aren’t just random outbursts or acts of defiance—they’re messages. Your child is trying to tell you something, even if they don’t have the words. Instead of labeling these actions as “bad behaviors,” ask yourself: What is my child trying to communicate?
Understanding the Nervous System’s Role in Behavior
Here’s the big truth about behavior: it starts in the brain and body. Your child’s nervous system—their internal stress regulator—is the foundation for how they respond to the world. Emotional development also plays a crucial role in shaping a child's behavior. When their nervous system is dysregulated, it’s like they’re stuck with the volume turned up too high or too low, and this shows up in their behavior.
- Overstimulated Nervous System: Anxiety, irritability, impulsivity—these behaviors often come from a nervous system stuck in overdrive, where everything feels like a threat.
- Understimulated Nervous System: On the flip side, kids whose nervous systems are “dialed down” may appear lethargic, withdrawn, or unfocused because their brain needs more stimulation to engage.
As parents, we adults can help balance their nervous system by creating a safe, calm environment. When their brain feels safe and steady, their behavior improves naturally.
Addressing the Root Causes of Nervous System Dysregulation
When your child has behavioral problems, it’s tempting to focus on stopping the meltdown, the argument, or the refusal. But the real breakthroughs come when you look deeper. Here are some things to consider:
Has something in family or school life shifted?How is their health?What does their environment look like?
Supporting Emotional Regulation to Support Children's Mental Health
Helping your child manage big feelings doesn’t require a perfect plan—it starts with connection. Emotional development is crucial in supporting emotional regulation, helping children understand and manage their emotions effectively.
Children learn emotional regulation over time, and you’re their best teacher. Here are ways you can support your child in their development and instill good behavior.

- Teach About Emotions: Start with simple phrases: “I can see you’re feeling really frustrated right now.” Naming emotions helps your child understand their feelings and shows them that emotions aren’t something to fear. Recognizing their emotions is the first step in helping them regulate emotions.
- Practice Coping Strategies: Introduce tools like deep breathing, mindfulness, or sensory techniques. A simple “Let’s take three deep breaths together” can help your child shift out of a meltdown. The key? Practice these strategies when your child is calm so they’re ready when emotions run high.
- Model Self Regulation: Kids learn from what we do, not just what we say. If you’re feeling stressed, show them how you handle it. “Wow, I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m going to take a few deep breaths to calm myself.” This teaches them that everyone has big feelings and that there are healthy ways to handle them.
The goal isn’t to eliminate every meltdown or tough moment—it’s to give your child (and yourself!) the tools to move through them with more confidence and calm.
Setting Realistic Expectations in the Parent Child Relationship and How it Helps Support Behavior
For neurotypical kids, children act their age. But if your child is neurodivergent and has ADHD, autism, or other challenges, other children tend to behave and need more time, support, and repetition to build emotional regulation skills.
Positive parenting starts with understanding a child's emotional development, which is crucial in recognizing their behavior. They’re not falling behind—they’re learning in their own way. Childhood behaviors vary greatly from all families and one child to another—there’s no single path they need to follow.
Avoid comparison. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your child to your friend's children: Why can’t my child sit still like that? Why is he over active and often angry? Why is homework such a battle? However, every child’s journey is unique, and progress looks different for each one.
When you focus on connection, understanding, and small, consistent steps, you’ll start to see shifts—not just in your child’s behavior but in your relationship with them. Behavior isn’t about being “good” or “bad.” It’s about self regulation, safety, and feeling understood. With the right tools and strategies, you can help your child thrive emotionally, complete task and develop skills they’ll use for the rest of their lives.
If you're ready to truly understand your child’s behavior and teach them self-regulation skills to thrive now and in the future, the Dysregulation Solution is here to guide you. This comprehensive program is packed with step-by-step instructions, practical tools, and proven strategies to help your child build lifelong skills for emotional regulation. Take the first step toward helping your child feel calm, confident, and capable. Click here to learn more.
What behavioral disorders can be connected to my child's disruptive behaviors?
Unwanted behavior in children can be connected to maybe connected to several mental health conditions including depression or other behaviorial-related disorders. For example, Conduct Disorder (CD) is behavior disorder characterized by a persistent pattern of aggression and serious rule violations, which can include breaking laws and social norms. CD often develops during adolescence and may lead to difficulties in peer relationships. Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) can also be a possibility, it is a condition where children or teens show a consistent pattern of anger, irritability, arguing, and defiance toward authority figures.
What are 5 reasons children misbehave?
Childhood misbehavior is a common part of growing up, especially in young children aged 3-12. Behavioral challenges many children face during this time often stem from their limited ability to express emotions, manage frustration, or understand boundaries. Here are five common factors why a child's behavior becomes a problem:
- Seeking Attention: They want their parent's attention and focus, even if it’s negative.
- Frustration or Overwhelm: Big feelings they can’t manage yet.
- Testing Limits: Exploring boundaries to see what’s allowed.
- Unmet Needs: Hunger, tiredness, or needing connection.
- Dysregulation: Trouble calming down due to stress or overstimulation.
By recognizing the reasons behind their actions, parents can better support their children’s healthy development and encourage them toward positive behaviors.
Should I be concerned about sudden behavioral changes in my child's behaviour?
Yes, sudden behavioral changes, especially if they seem like your child “changed overnight,” can be a sign that something is going on. These sudden changes might be triggered by stress, illness, a significant life change, or even underlying mental health or medical issues. One of the things to look at is PANS and PANDAS.
Does physical punishment work in improving a child's behaviour?
Physical punishment, like spanking, might seem effective at the moment, but research shows it doesn’t lead to lasting positive behavior changes. Instead, it can harm relationships between family members, increase aggression, and negatively impact a child’s emotional well-being.
In some cases, it can even cross the line into child abuse. Positive discipline strategies—like setting clear boundaries, using consistent consequences, and modeling good behavior—are far more effective in teaching kids how to make better choices while fostering a healthy family life.
What are treatment options for regulating a child’s problematic behaviour?
There are several effective treatment options to help regulate a child’s problematic behavior and manage strong emotions. Teaching coping skills, like deep breathing or using a quiet time, can help children regain control when overwhelmed. Consistent routines and clear boundaries are key to reducing behavior risks. Professional support, such as therapy, can provide additional resources tailored to your child’s needs. Combining these strategies with patience and understanding creates a supportive environment for positive behavior changes. This will not only help them face challenges today but all throughout a child's life.
Citations:
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2021). Addressing Early Childhood Emotional and Behavioral Problems. Pediatrics.
Chervonsky, E., & Hunt, C. (2019). Emotion regulation, mental health, and social wellbeing in a young adolescent sample: A concurrent and longitudinal investigation. Emotion, 19(2), 270-282. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29697988/
Dr. Roseann is a mental health expert in Self-Regulation who frequently is in the media:
- Healthline Understanding Self-Regulation Skills
- Scary Mommy What Is Self-Regulation In Children, And How Can You Help Improve It?
- HomeschoolOT Therapy Services Understanding Nervous System Dysregulation in Children: A Guide for Homeschool Parents
Always remember… “Calm Brain, Happy Family™”
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regime. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment vary by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC does not guarantee certain results.
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©Roseann Capanna-Hodge 2025
Dr. Roseann is a Children’s Mental Health Expert and Licensed Therapist who has been featured in/on hundreds of media outlets including The Mel Robbins Show, CBS, NBC, PIX11 NYC, Today, FORBES, CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Business Insider, Women’s Day, Healthline, CNET, Parade Magazine and PARENTS. FORBES called her, “A thought leader in children’s mental health.”

She coined the terms, “Re-entry panic syndrome” and “eco-anxiety” and is a frequent contributor to media on mental health.
Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge has three decades of experience in working with children, teens and their families with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism, concussion, dyslexia and learning disability, anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), depression and mood disorder, Lyme Disease, and PANS/PANDAS using science-backed natural mental health solutions such as supplements, magnesium, nutrition, QEEG Brain maps, neurofeedback, PEMF, psychotherapy and other non-medication approaches.
She is the author of three bestselling books, It’s Gonna Be OK!: Proven Ways to Improve Your Child's Mental Health, The Teletherapy Toolkit, and Brain Under Attack. Dr. Roseann is known for offering a message of hope through science-endorsed methods that promote a calm brain.
Her trademarked BrainBehaviorResetⓇ Program and It’s Gonna be OK!Ⓡ Podcast has been a cornerstone for thousands of parents facing mental health, behavioral or neurodevelopmental challenges.
She is the founder and director of The Global Institute of Children’s Mental Health, Neurotastic™Brain Formulas and Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC. Dr. Roseann is a Board Certified Neurofeedback (BCN) Practitioner, a Board Member of the Northeast Region Biofeedback Society (NRBS), Certified Integrative Mental Health Professional (CIMHP) and an Amen Clinic Certified Brain Health Coach. She is also a member of The International Lyme Disease and Associated Disease Society (ILADS), The American Psychological Association (APA), Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) National Association of School Psychologists (NASP), International OCD Foundation (IOCDF).
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