Does it ever feel like everything is just too much to handle as a parent? Between the constant demands, emotional outbursts, and the pressure to stay composed, I know that it can feel impossible to stay calm when your child is pushing your buttons.
You’re not alone. Parenting can be incredibly challenging, especially when it feels like your own nervous system is just as dysregulated as your child’s. In today’s episode, we’ll explore some practical strategies that will help you stay grounded and guide your child through their emotions with more ease.
Understanding Oppositional Behaviors in Children
Kids with oppositional or ODD-like behaviors often push their parents’ buttons because their defiance strikes at emotional pressure points—especially when parents are feeling judged, exhausted, or helpless. It’s not just the behavior itself; it’s how it clashes with our expectations, parenting instincts, and even past experiences.
When nothing seems to work, especially the strategies that helped with other children, it can feel deeply personal. But the truth is, this child isn’t trying to make life harder—they simply need a different approach, one rooted in connection and nervous system regulation.
When your child is dysregulated and you respond from a triggered place, you get stuck in a reactive loop. You’re exhausted, they escalate, and no one feels good. It’s a nervous system response—your brain sees their defiance as a threat and goes into survival mode.
Your calm is indeed a reset button. When you regulate yourself in those first few heated moments, you change the entire dynamic—from chaos and power struggles to connection and co-regulation.
The Role of the Nervous System in Parenting
Your nervous system plays a powerful role in how you respond to your child, especially when they are in fight or flight mode. Their dysregulation can trigger your own, pulling you into a cycle of react, regret, repeat. This co-dysregulation loop is common in families, but it doesn’t have to define your relationship.
We are biologically wired to see emotional intensity as a threat, which is why your body reacts before your brain has time to process. The key is understanding that regulation is not about staying calm all the time. It is about returning to calm more quickly and more often. That is what breaks the cycle and shows your child how to manage emotions.
Kids learn to regulate by experiencing it, and that starts with you. Even if emotional regulation was never modeled for you, you can retrain your nervous system, build these skills, and change the pattern for both your child and yourself.
Practical Strategies for Staying Calm
When your child is melting down, it’s easy to get pulled into the chaos. Reactivity is often automatic—especially when your own nervous system is overwhelmed. But staying calm isn’t about being perfect; it’s about recognizing the moment, pausing, and resetting.
Start with a simple pause. Even three seconds of stillness before you respond can shift the entire dynamic. Lower your voice and your body if you’re speaking to a small child—posture and tone speak volumes. Quiet energy calms the room faster than commands ever will.
In those tense moments, silently name your emotion: “I’m frustrated, but I’m safe.” Say a calming phrase to yourself or out loud: “This too shall pass” or “Let’s try again in five minutes.” These familiar cues help create a safe and steady rhythm your child can rely on.
Use breathwork to anchor yourself. Try the 4-7-8 method—inhaling for 4 counts, holding for 7, and exhaling for 8. It activates the parasympathetic nervous system and can pull you out of stress mode fast.
If needed, walk away. Regulation is leadership, not control. You’re not failing if you need space; you’re modeling boundaries. And when your child’s behavior pushes all your buttons, it’s often a sign your own nervous system needs more support.
That’s where daily regulation habits matter. Breathwork, prayers, magnesium, PEMF, neurofeedback, and calming protocols—like my CALMS Dysregulated Kid Parenting Protocol—can all help boost resilience.
Keep reminders nearby. A sticky note, a mug, even a printed copy of your plan can serve as a lifeline in tough moments. Always ask, “What does my child’s nervous system need right now?” That question shifts the focus from discipline to connection.
With time and practice, you can break old cycles, support your child’s regulation, and build a calmer, more connected home.
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