There’s nothing sadder than seeing or knowing a parent that has lost hope and given up on his or her child getting better.
Though it may be hard for parents to give up on their child, just imagine how it is for a child struggling with mental health. We have to keep in mind that these problems are not permanent and that everything’s gonna be okay.
We shouldn’t leave our children feeling alone and helpless. When these struggles overwhelm our children, there’s a big chance that they would slowly slip to a dark and emotional slope.
Why do parents lose hope and give up on their children?
Undoubtedly, we share the same sentiment that we want nothing but the best for our children. That’s why as much as possible we want to be involved in their lives to guide them and to be there for them.
It is necessary that we’re present in our children’s lives to be able to help them be the successful individuals we want them to be. It is important that we hone all the beautiful qualities that they have and all of these start with you.
When a parent no longer holds that vision, that is when they give up on their children in some way, shape or form. They're not sure whether or not there is still hope for their children. They don’t know if they can still get better despite going down several roads.
What does holding a vision for your child mean and why is it important?
We’ve said that when parents no longer hold a vision of what they want for their children, they tend to give up on their children. But what does it mean to actually have a vision for your child?
What it means is that we have this idea of what our kids should be or can be and along the way, they struggle. Our vision shouldn’t be centred on academic achievements for our children, having straight As or going to Harvard in the future.
What we should envision rather is our children living their lives happily and comfortably. As much as possible, we want them to feel comfortable with who they are. This is what creates wealth and success.
Why you have to have hope and belief in your therapy.
Sometimes, when everything becomes a bit too much for parents to handle, they give up on their children. That’s the biggest obstacle not only for children but also for mental health professionals.
That’s why hope and belief have significant importance in our child’s positive mental health development. And as much as I agree that medication plays a good role in such progress, I think medication is overused for kids. We don’t have enough research to substantiate it.
Medication shouldn’t be the first line of defense. That is the first and common mistake that most people are making when they are trying to seek help for their struggling children.
We often say that we have to trust the process but we also have to trust ourselves and our children. You must have belief and hope that your child can get better. It may be hard, but when you don't trust, you instantly, at that subconscious level, interfere with hope and belief.
Again, we have to trust the process. Trust yourself and your children. It’s gonna be okay!
We have to have hope and belief, but we also need patience.
Besides having hope and belief, it is necessary for us to also have patience. Indeed, patience for healing is difficult but it doesn’t mean that we keep sticking to something we know is not working. We have to trust the process and hold the vision.
We also have to do the work because change doesn't happen overnight. We take actions to achieve what we want. And so, we have to take little steps towards our children’s good mental health.
We have become an impatient society which is why things happen overnight. But that shouldn’t always be the case. We have to be patient. When we recognize that things take time, we understand what the work is.
The brain needs consistency in order to accept change.
When we say we have to trust the process, we also have to stick with it. There has to be consistency because we need to have something constant in order for our brain to accept the change we are making.
As an example, it takes 34 times to do something to master it at an automatic level where your subconscious is responsible. If your child has a learning, processing or emotional issue interfering with how their brain is absorbing information, it's at least three times that, so it's 100 times for them.
There’s a need to emphasize that consistency is key because this is what will lead us to success which is not an instant achievement. We have to work for it. We have to stick to a routine or stay in our course.
Our brain will believe anything you tell it, so tell it good things.
Words have power and they stick to the minds of people who read or hear them. We have to be mindful of what we tell our brain because our brain will believe anything you tell it. So you have to tell it good things.
Saying negative things out loud like “This isn’t gonna work.” or “You’re not doing what you’re supposed to do.”, your brain and your child’s brain will believe that.
But when you say to your child, “Hey, I see this is hard. What can we do differently?” or “I look forward to your project being in on time.”, it’s something positive which is what we are trying to achieve.
So if our kid is struggling, it doesn't mean we are the source of that. A child’s healing journey is pivotal and we can be a powerful cultivator in that agent of change. Remember to keep holding that vision. Have that hope and belief that your child can get better.
The moment you give up on hope, it's very insidious. It gets in there and it makes healing harder although it may not be impossible. Start shifting what you're doing. Start thinking and saying success out loud.
I look forward to sharing more on our next episode!
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