When aggression, rage, or emotional outbursts take over your child’s world, it can feel like everything is spiraling out of control. But what if I told you that beneath those extreme behaviors lies a nervous system crying out for help?
Today, we’re diving into an incredibly serious and heartbreaking case—one that underscores what can happen when emotional dysregulation is missed, misunderstood, or left unsupported.
Background and Family Concerns
While I don’t know this child or family personally, the 2022 Milwaukee case offers a powerful and deeply tragic lens through which we can better understand the impact of extreme emotional dysregulation in children.
This case study is about raising awareness. It’s about recognizing the warning signs, understanding what’s really going on beneath aggressive or violent behavior, and starting the hard but necessary conversations that can help families get the right support—before things spiral into crisis.
According to media reports, a 10-year-old shot his mother after she refused to buy him a VR headset. But behind that headline is a deeper story. Relatives had voiced concerns for years: the child had rage issues, set a fire, harmed animals, and showed little remorse.
His mother struggled to get help, eventually installing cameras and avoiding discussions about his behavior. Though there was reportedly a concerning diagnosis, there’s no public information on the kind or extent of treatment he may have received.
This child was charged as an adult—raising significant ethical and developmental concerns. We have to take note that at age ten, a child’s brain isn’t fully equipped to grasp the long-term consequences of actions, especially when compounded by trauma, neurodivergence, or mental health struggles.
You may ask, “How does a child get to this point?”. Extreme emotional dysregulation often begins early—sometimes even in infancy—with poor frustration tolerance, explosive outbursts, and an inability to self-soothe. These children are often rigid thinkers, prone to black-and-white thinking, and may display aggression toward others or animals. Their nervous systems live in a state of constant survival, being in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode.
They don’t “outgrow” this. They need help. And although this case is rare, it is not isolated. I’ve worked with families affected by violence and trauma, and what I’ve seen is that prevention is possible when we recognize and respond to the warning signs.
We need to talk about emotional dysregulation—not just after tragedy strikes, but before. Because no family should ever have to face something like this.
Behavioral and Emotional Indicators
Many parents are shocked when their child displays extreme aggression or emotional disconnection, especially at a young age. In cases like this one, we often see anxiety as a root cause that manifests as aggression, explosive talk, and frequent outbursts. These kids may have sleep disturbances, and their families often live in a state of hypervigilance, constantly trying not to “set them off.”
Over time, the child may show little to no remorse or awareness of their behavior, which can leave caregivers feeling confused, helpless, and deeply concerned. That emotional disconnect can create lasting conflict and a breakdown in trust and communication.
So what can parents do when faced with these extreme behaviors? First and foremost, understand that this isn’t about a child being “bad” or willfully disrespectful—this is about dysregulation. Their behavior is a loud cry for help. These kids aren’t motivated by rebellion; they’re overwhelmed, anxious, and stuck in a stress response. Ignoring the behaviors or hoping they’ll “grow out of it” only makes things worse.
Instead, parents need to seek professional support early, understand what’s driving the behavior beneath the surface, and approach their child with both structure and compassion. Because without intervention, these struggles don’t just fade—they grow.
Intervention Strategies and Professional Support
Early intervention is essential when dealing with a behaviorally dysregulated child. Parents should seek out professionals who specifically work with this population, as not all therapists are equipped for extreme cases.
While younger kids may benefit from play therapy, it’s crucial to combine that with targeted approaches like neurofeedback, which helps regulate the nervous system directly. The sooner this is started, the more effective it tends to be.
Alongside neurofeedback, psychotherapy is key, not just for the child, but for the parents as well. Caregivers need to learn how to co-regulate and model calm behavior, even when it feels nearly impossible. That means working on your own nervous system multiple times a day, because your dysregulated child will struggle to connect behavior with consequences or absorb guidance without that support.
Additionally, it’s important to advocate for school-based accommodations and reduce environmental stressors. That doesn’t mean tiptoeing around the child or avoiding conflict, but rather making thoughtful changes—such as creating a calm-down space at home, limiting overscheduling, and rethinking the cycle of constant punishment.
Discipline alone won’t resolve extreme dysregulation. These kids aren’t misbehaving for attention—they’re overwhelmed, confused, and often trapped in irrational thought loops and sensory overload. To truly help, the focus needs to shift from control and correction to understanding, regulation, and consistent support.
Challenges in Accessing Mental Health Care
Accessing mental health care for extreme cases is incredibly challenging. I’ve seen families come to me after trying a dozen other providers with little success. The reality is that without first regulating the nervous system, teaching new skills just doesn’t work. Calming the brain has to come first.
What breaks my heart is how many parents feel forced to turn to hospitals or even the police when things spiral out of control. In many cases, providers shy away from working with teens who show severe dysregulation, often because of fear or lack of specialized training. This leaves families feeling stuck and without proper support.
These families deserve trauma-informed care that goes beyond medication. They need real tools to help both the child and parent regulate their nervous systems. When everyone is overwhelmed, co-regulation becomes nearly impossible. That’s why learning how to calm down together is so crucial for healing and progress.
Potential Causes and Compounding Factors
Extreme behavior like this usually comes from a combination of factors, with one of the biggest being a lack of proper intervention and nervous system support. Without that foundation, behaviors tend to escalate. Other contributors might include birth or early developmental trauma, head injuries, or undiagnosed conditions such as impulse control issues or autism—though most autistic children don’t exhibit violent behaviors.
Medical or mental health issues like brain inflammation, paranoia, or malnutrition (for example, anorexia) could also play a role. Device overuse can fuel frustration and rage when a child is suddenly cut off from the dopamine hits screens provide. At home, if family members are also dysregulated or traumatized, it creates a cycle where dysregulation feeds dysregulation—especially when no one models calm or practices co-regulation.
This doesn’t excuse the behavior but helps us understand how it develops. I know how terrifying it feels to live with a child who seems out of control and aggressive. Recognizing these complex layers is the crucial first step toward finding meaningful solutions.
Importance of Early Intervention
The best thing you can do is get help from a licensed, qualified professional who understands nervous system regulation. If your child struggles with challenging behaviors, remember you’re not powerless—early intervention truly makes a difference.
Extreme behaviors often require higher levels of care, which could mean intensive therapies at home, residential treatment, or clinical tools like neurofeedback, PEMF, and biofeedback to help calm and regulate the nervous system.
Dysregulation is essentially overwhelm, and it needs to be addressed with consistent intervention. When living with an extremely dysregulated child, daily nervous system resets are crucial for both the child and the family. Even if your child only shows a small percentage of these behaviors, using science-backed tools early can prevent escalation and set a better path forward.
Parenting a child with emotional dysregulation is incredibly hard, but regulating the nervous system first is key. Once that’s in place, teaching co-regulation skills helps the whole family move in a healthier direction.
If you suspect emotional dysregulation, don’t wait—take action early, seek guidance, and remember you can find help at https://drroseann.com/help/.
Unlock your child’s potential in just one week! Check out our Quick Calm:https://drroseann.com/quickcalm/
Links and Resources:
➡️ Join our FREE Natural Parenting Community to receive science-backed resources for your child and family. Join here.
➡️ Get help from Dr. Roseann and her team. Apply here.
➡️ “Is it ADHD or something else?” Take the quiz.
